Life isnt a straight line
Sometimes I am very lost. Right now I am. The more I follow my passion, the more I walk on the unknown ground and some days it feels like I am flying without seeing where to land. I don’t know where I am heading. But I can see the possibilities and that they are many.
Sometimes I am losing the connection with my life around me. The relationships I have are in need of a new definition. I feel that I am longing for a new way to live. My inner thrive is toward a focused work routine and freedom from rules and expectations.
Relationship
I think the moment we start to feel uncomfortable or irritated with someone, we have given it up on some level. When we rather spend time away from each other than with, we are looking for something else. To be totally honest, this period right now is one of the most challenging I have had so far. And somehow I feel like giving up certain relationships. But I feel guilty about my behavior and why I choose to not believe in them. Because I KNOW that it all starts in my own mind and what I choose to think and how I choose to act towards other people. And then there are other days or moments when I feel that I just love everyone around me and want to spend all my time with them because we are having so much fun and sharing a lot of joy. I feel guilty. Why do I feel guilty? Because I feel responsible, for our future, and what would happen if I wasn't in the other person's life. I feel that I am carrying our relationship in my hands and that I just need to change my own mindset and behavior. I am just so disconnected at the moment, that I can’t find the decision to go 100% for our relationship and work things out.
Moving
We have moved away from our usual surroundings, and I was hoping this would help us coming closer again. And yes, there are many moments that we are very close, and then we are falling back to an unfriendly behavior that feels like toxic.
Reality
Let's talk honest about relationships. A relationship is the hardest thing and at the same time the most wonderful thing in life. We need them to develop as human beings. Without them, we feel stuck and isolated. We don’t need many relationship, in fact, I think we only can have a true and deep relationship with very few people in our lives. The most spiritual and developing relationship we have is the one we have with our beloved ones. Our children and partner. What happens when we start to act childish and unfriendly towards the people around us? Is it when they pull our buttons to unsolved pain inside us? When our pain inside us is finding an outflow and a save surrounding, we act it out in destructive ways.
Truth
I am afraid of my own truth, of choosing my own path. In my life, I have always waited for someone else to take the final decision to go forward. With this said, I can see that I have given away my own power in the hands of others. I don’t want to hurt. I am afraid of it. And I am afraid of taking my own full responsibility for my life, and being independent from others. I have felt attached to other people since I left home when I was 18. Why am I afraid of my own power?
I even feel that now when I am longing for more independence I am still looking for attention from others. When I imagine myself taking the step to my own life, I am frightened of being alone because I am moving on the unknown ground.
Now
We don’t know where we are heading, we dont know if we are living tomorrow and what is waiting. So focus on this moment only.
Much love to you all!
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Love, Niina
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Love from Steemit community.
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Much love!
I highlighted a passage in a book I'm reading currently "Always do what you are afraid to do". It's a quote from Emerson's "Essay on Heroism". I'm going though some similar things professionally right now. I am often paralyzed by fear of the unknown or of making mistakes that I also have a habit of just following and letting others lead. I'm trying to work through that because I know if I can I will be able to give so much more! Best wishes as you sort out this season of life. 🤗😘
Thank you my dear Katie. That means a lot to me! I am wishing you the same! Go through the fair! (that's the hardest part!!)
Much love to you!
Actually, I also feel paralyzed many times, I think I have made a decision and in the next moment, everything changes and I am back to my waiting state...
xx
If I was with you I would give you a big hug, relationships are not easy, two people coming together to share their lives is a lot of work really, because we change so much over time, our needs and wants change, but if you really love one another then you can make it work. Love is the most important really. You have become a mum and that in itself is huge, because you have been reborn along with your son and you are learning so much about yourself.
Make sure you make time for you, listen to your heart, to what you need right now and be very good to yourself beautiful mama.
Thank you, my dear friend. This means so much to me. Yes, love is the key to everything and especially to close relationships, but what is needed is also a good communicating. And this is where the difficult part comes in. Actually love is there, but not the communication... So hard right now and my stomach hurts from thinking about this.
Much love back!
xx
Nothing is easy or pink when it comes to relationships. There are so many ups and downs and do many grey areas... When something inside you tells you that things are not what they used to be and you tend to deny it to hide the truth, it will emerge no matter what sacrifices you'll do to make things better. Explore your emotions and try to understand what is that makes you unhappy and what is causing the feeling of guilt. Don't allow it to get deeper. Love yourself and accept things for what they are. Sending you a big hug!
Thank you, your reply really helps me dig deeper into this chaos of emotions. I will meditate on your words, this is what I needed to hear right now. Thank you!
xx
i definitely hear this and i feel similarly in many ways! it's our soul's way of awakening us to new things. change rarely feels easy and transitions/deaths of things are hard- even if we end up staying in the relationship, sometimes it needs to change form. - these are at least some of the things i've been meditating on/thinking of lately. wishing you lots of self love, clarity and strength <3
Thank you, my dear! Yes, I also think relationships need to change in the same way we are changing, but oh gosh how challenging this is! I dont know if I should stay or leave and if it has a feature. I feel that I lost all kind of knowing right now. But I am sure I can't wait that much longer because this is starting to be very exhausting unless I change SOMETHING.
Much love back to you my dear!
xxx
You did very well writing all your thoughts down. These things are HARD and we often get stuck in our thoughts and also avoid making harder decisions in life... I totally feel you. If you have relationships that don't make you grow and don't make you feel free you should break with them. Sometimes you grow and people around you don't grow with you.
That's okay.
Good luck with all of it <3
Oh thank you my dear. Yes you are so right. And yet I feel so much hope that this COULD change... But I have no idea if that's true. Its about my partner and I feel so responsible and afraid of making a huge mistake, but maybe it is a mistake to be afraid of making mistakes. Oh gosh so difficult! I have still so much love for him, really so much. And yet, we are stuck!
Thank you for your love, I really appriciate your words and concern.
xx
Sometimes love isn't enough... :-( I feel for you, this is hard. Go out for a few days all by yourself and try to be alone so you can really think and feel. Good luck <3
Hi darling, finally I have found peace. This wasn't easy, but I am beginning a new chapter now. Much love to you!!
Kisses and hugs!
xx
I've had some rocky patches with my partner the worst was at the start of this year, I went away on my own for a couple of weeks to see family and get space. It didn't really help the relationship but it helped me. The other stuff seemed to get sorted out later but having my own space became very important to me that I made my own room in the apartment and would sleep most nights there. In the end having more of my own space made our relationship better and made me feel more free. Hope u find something that works for you.
Thank you for sharing this my dear, it can be very tough sometimes... I am really happy I am through this most difficult phase now, we are having a very romantic time now, we are like teenager hehe, I am so blessed by this. But it was very hard for a period of time, I was honestly ready to leave and live on my own with my son. It is challenging but this is where we can grow the most right!!!