Our vehicle rocks back and forth with tremendous force. Our front camera view reveals several huge fury bodies clump together pushing our vehicle side to side, tossing us around inside. Angry growls surround us as enormous strength lifts the vehicle up on its side and eventually flipping it upside down in the frozen solid snowpack. Nick and I tumble to the roof. Tillman just drops straight down on his stupid head with a skull-cracking thud.
The monsters continue banging on the hull of the assault vehicle. They pummel the hull for hours. All we can do is just hunker down, biding our time. They seem not to be able to break in, so we’re safe where we are. “We got plenty of food and water, we can wait them out,” Nick assures us.
We try to get some sleep somehow. After several hours the pounding seems to have dissipated somewhat. But Tillman’s snoring becomes intolerable after a while. I finally throw a food ration at him. He just shifts his fat weight around, and then, oh no! The unthinkable happens! He lets out a killer fart!!
It’s a big greasy one too! Long and rumbling, seemed like it went on for least a minute! I thought I was going to die before those creatures ever got to me! It smelled like a sewage drain backed up. It was absolutely horrible!
Nick pulls his hat down over his face. I grabbed my blanket and pulled it over my head! I wasn't sure if I fell asleep for a bit, or Tillman’s fart did me in. I thought I was going to lose consciousness for a bit!
But thank God he stopped snoring. Oh no, now what is it? I hear him grumbling over there. I peek out from under my blanket.
“Alright, what’s the problem over there?” looking at him with one eye barely opened.
“I gotta take a shit,” he mutters as he scratches his scraggly beard.
“Oh Hell no!” I scream!
Nick wakes up from under his hat, “What’s wrong?!”
“Lard ass just said he’s gotta take a shit!” I scream with my every fiber of my being!
“You can’t hold it?” Nick asks.
“Nope,” he says calmly as we start to hear his ass rumbling.
“He’s not taking a fucking shit in here! I barely survived his toxic gas attack!” shaking my head with an adamant no!
“Maybe he can throw it out the gun slat.” Nick trying to figure this nightmarish problem out.
No – no – no! I scream!
“Even if he could put his ass up against the gun slat and shit straight out, it ain’t happening!”
“Too late,” Tillman with a funny look.
“What the fuck you mean too late?” Nick sitting up.
Then we begin to smell it. Fat ass is letting it loose in his pants! Oh God, if this could be the time to leave this Earth, this would be the time to do it! I cover my head with my blanket and close my eyes. It sounded like every abomination in Hell was crawling out of his ass! Oh God, please take me now!
Then the sulfur-laden depths of Hell sets forth the horrendous odor from his rotting bowels! The sound of him giving birth to slithering, bubbling slimy abhorrence pours into my ears, no matter how much I try to stick my blanket into them. Everything becomes hazy in my mind, wanting so badly to just pass out. Finally I lose consciousness saving me from further unholy violation.
When I come to, I peek out from my blanket. Sun light is creeping in through the gun slats. Nick checks all the camera views and there is no sign of any of the creatures. He pushes the hatch open and crawls out into the snowy environment looking about.
“They’re gone! It’s safe, nothing out here!”
He takes my hand to help me out. “Thank God, fresh air!” I take several much needed deep breaths, “I’m surprised I’m still alive!”
Nick pulls Tillman out, “Up you go big boy.”
He staggers out with a shit wad in his pants.
“They don’t like daylight I guess.” Nick with his binoculars panning the landscape. We suddenly hear a chopper from a distance. Phillips scans the sky, "Shit, a chopper with no markings on it, damn thing is solid black. Must be a government patrol, He pulls out his pistol. Tillman reaches into his back pack and pulls out a Tec 9 and pops in a clip.
Phillips cocks his pistol and looks over at me, “You’re not rocking and rolling?”
I step up in front of them, “I have a special clearance, maybe I can work with them.”
Tillman aims at the chopper, “Yeah right, who gave you special clearance, God?”
The black chopper circles overhead, a voice on a megaphone blast from the chopper, “Drop your weapons, I repeat, drop your weapons or lethal force will be used! You are in violation of international law!”
I step back, I know these guys will shoot first and ask questions later. We don’t stand a chance without the heavy fire power of the APC, and it’s upside down and useless to us, “Nick, Tillman, please drop your weapons!”
Suddenly what appears to be a mini-gun swivels out from the side of the chopper, and a short burst tears the snow apart in front of us! “Shit!” Tillman throws his gun down, reluctantly Nick does the same.