[Gross Short Story #29] - Green Chewing Gum
Fair warning: The story below contains very graphical content. It is not for those with an easily upset stomach. In short, it is gross. Very gross. Proceed with caution.
You and you only are responsible for all the gags and the vomiting the story might induce.
Thank you for your understanding.
There had long been a legend about a mysterious artifact one could best describe as a piece of green chewing gum that held the power to turn you into not just a superhuman but a big green overly muscular monster.
The musclular abomination was seen on TV all the time; sometimes helping the bad guys, sometimes helping the good guys and sometimes he was even the villain himself. The inconsistency in the abomination's acts made it clear it wasn't always the same human who had possessed the artifact.
As many others, I have made it my life mission to find the said artifact and use it.
I wanted to use it for good. To help people. But deep down I knew had I felt that much power... I could turn evil in a matter of seconds. Power corrupts people. But it also attracts them. As it attracted me.
I wanted to be able to jump 15 storeys high, lift cars and trucks as if they were plastic toys, smash through concrete walls and withstand gunfire and rocket explosions.
Just once; I wanted to feel that much power.
I figured whoever possessed the artifact would keep it somewhere where everyone could snatch it if only they knew where to look. After all, the best hiding spot is always in plain sight, right? Keeping the artifact at your home or with yourself at all times would have meant great danger; people were prepared to murder you over it.
In hopes to find the artifact – the green chewing gum – I had decided to chew on everything that looked green and had the consistency similar to that of playdough.
I chewed on green chewing gum that had dried on the pavement until it got soft and chewy; I chewed on chewing gum put under the seats; I chewed on chewing gum that men spit in the urinals and I chewed on the chewing gum found in the ashtrays.
After four years and a half and a whole lot of weird diseases I couldn't pronounce the names of; no luck.
After such a long time of obsession with the green monster the consequences were clearly showing. I had lost a tonne of weight because I wasn't eating regularly, I had dark circles under my eyes because I wasn't sleeping unless I fainted and I was shivering – much like a drug addict would during the withdrawal phase.
But even accounting for everything bad that had happened to me and my body during the years I have spent chasing the item of unimaginable power I wasn't willing to give up. No. I was more motivated than ever!
One night, during my usual walk to the only coffee place still open at that hour, I noticed something on the other side of the street, still about 100 yards away from said place.
A man had placed something behind the house number plate prior to entering the coffee shop. He was constantly looking around like some kind of drug dealer, which even further piqued my interest.
I waited until the mysterious stranger entered; then ran as fast as I could to retrieve the item he had snuck behind into the hole behind the plate.
When I moved the plate aside my eyes shone the way they never shone in my life before.
There it was. Right in front of me. The artifact. In all its beauty – despite looking like a ball of green dry playdough with hair stuck in it.
I snatched it and ran as fast as my feet could carry me into the first dark alley I could find.
I made sure I was alone, then reached into my pocket and looked at it again.
“Mine at last,” I thought to myself before hastily throwing it in my mouth and proceeding to chew.
I could feel the power starting to flow through me as I began to grow in size. I chewed on the almost rock-hard piece of gum as hard as I could and moments later the transformation was complete. I looked down and I had become green and shredded beyond my wildest imagination.
I laughed and my voice had become lower and made the surrounding structures vibrate and the nearest windows break.
I looked up and decided to try and jump onto the roof of the building beside me.
I bent my knees – my behind almost touching the floor – then with all the force I could muster propelled myself straigt upward.
In doing so; I dropped the chewing gum. The artifact had fallen out of my mouth mid-flight from the excitement.
I quickly turned back into my human self and returned to being the scrawny version of myself.
When I reached peak altitude, I was left with no choice but to look down to try and find a place to land.
I was at least 300 ft above ground level and the floor was concrete as far as the eye could see.
I could feel the wind on my cheeks strengthen as I was gaining speed toward the ground.
At some point – I can't exactly remember when – I closed my eyes before my body splattered into a million gooey pieces all over the abandoned alley.
And so, the artifact awaits for the next person to chew on it.
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