Unexpected Advice That Changed My Life! I Hope It Will Change Yours Too! ❤
What IF What You Were Told Your Whole Life Turned Out To Be WRONG?
Are you a party person who knows how to work a room or are you intimidated by groups of people, preferring intimate gatherings to crowds?
I want to talk about something that has intrigued me since my flight from LA to Bangkok!
Personalities!
We all have them!
What's yours like?
Are you outgoing, loud, contagious, opinionated, charismatic, jovial, assertive...
Or are you more shy, cautious, contemplative, quiet, reserved, introspective?
Do you even know? Have you ever thought about it before?
I hadn't! I just always thought I was the former. I never thought more about it until one book just shook my whole world!
The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney was a book recommended to me one day by Kindle. According to my other selections, it suggested this read to me and so, looking for something to occupy me on that long flight coming up, I downloaded it and was not at all prepared for what was going to happen!
I turned from an extrovert (which I had been my whole life) to an introvert in minutes!
What do I mean? Well, reading this book gave me a sort of permission to accept to myself that I was normal. It was OK to feel the way I feel in group settings and crowds. That feeling of anxiety that coursed through my veins when too many people started getting too close to me was all a normal part of the other side of the personality spectrum that I didn't know until now.
See, growing up I was always told how outgoing I was, how charismatic I was, how influential I was... but I didn't feel those attributes! Sure, I benefited from them and I walked through the motions but something always felt off. I felt like I had to try really hard to keep my energy up, to keep a smile on, to keep listening without my mind wandering to daydreams.
We're in many ways groomed into this from an early age. Society values extroverts (and as they should, these are the people that are brave and bold and make huge moves!) The thing that is often forgotten (at least in my experience*) is that there is also a huge benefit of the other side, the people in the corner at the party or daydreaming at their desk. Introverts as they call us!
See, introverts are misunderstood! A lot of times it's a matter of wanting to just think all of the incredible thoughts going on in their heads that makes them seem aloof or even disinterested!
After learning about this and reading more about what the difference is between introversion and extroversion, I found that I had been living my whole life WRONG!
How could that be?
I was the valedictorian, MC for almost every event and the student representative for my classes starting from 6th grade! I put on events, hosted dances, I even organized my prom!
I believed I needed to be bubbly and outgoing and happy and fun! So, I drained myself of all of my energy being those things!
Have you experienced this (what I call emotional fatigue?)
Maybe you are expected to do a speech in front of people but you're just feeling like reflecting silently, inwardly.
How about getting invited to a wedding and the big day comes and there you are standing in the middle of the crowd thinking... "I just wish I was at home right now."
What about social situations calling your name, during your free time? Friends want to meet up and hang out and while you'd love that, there is this book that you are dying to read, blog you are wanting to write, recipe you are wanting to create, game you are trying to beat...
If this doesn't sound like your life, don't worry but it sure is mine in a nut shell!
How I turned everything around:
We can get into the behind the scenes another time... what I want to do is share with you how I used this information to create my own advantage!
The Trick: HONESTY!
- If you meet me, I will tell you right from get-go if I am open to talking or if I am in my head at the moment. (If you could hear all of my thoughts, you would understand!) ;)
- If I get an idea or feel like I am no longer present, I take the opportunity to excuse myself.
- I am upfront about my wants and needs and if I am feeling overwhelmed, I openly say so.
This blows people's minds! They always think I am joking!
I'll say “I’m just going to stop you right there, I need to tell you, I have a thought right now that I really feel that I want to explore. It was really nice talking to you but I need to go write this down.”
Or I’ll say “Hi, I’m Cece, I can be weird and anti-social so if I start to get awkward it means I need to go home.”
It’s a trip. They laugh and say “Oh, you’re so funny.” Then I stare at them in the face and say “I’m so serious....” Awkwardddd... but always ends up being appreciated!
The effect:
Exit Door Open:
So what happens is, I have openly set the stage for an exit if I need therefore causing me to feel relaxed and less stress. This causes me to let down my walls and then this wonderful thing happens! Since I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not, the walls come down on the other side too and now all of a sudden we can authentically communicate and connect! Revolutionary stuff!
Authentic/Genuine Relationships:
Who in the hell wants to listen to someone jabber on if they’re not interested? Not me and I certainly won’t be lying to you to make you feel better! All the while, still being kind and friendly.
Although I can be a bit awkward and shy, I am still absolutely filled with love and really do enjoy meeting and sharing with people. I just choose to be mindful of my energy and emotions so I can give the relationship my all.
So, after I released myself from years of unmet expectations I got to blossom into this genuinely confident person who actually enjoys herself in public (before I would either hate my life and try to hide or drink a bunch of alcohol to make talking easier!) Obviously that wasn’t a very good/honest method. This works much better!
In general, I have fewer friends now than I used to but those that I do have are more sincere, genuine and more valuable in my life!
This is my advice for you today!
If you grew up expecting yourself to be someone who you’re not, it’s OK to let that image go. You might just find the real you hanging out inside and if you do find that you, you’re going to be happier than a pig in sh^t (as they say) because now what you truly want will start blossoming out of you like the flower you are!
It can be hard adjusting at first. I’m going to be honest with you. I went into hibernation for almost a year trying to figure out how to interact with the world again but now that I’ve found myself I feel liberated, like I can really just let go and be fearless. I want you to find that too and if you already have found it, more reason to celebrate!
It feels really good to reach inside and pull that woman that’s been waiting underneath it all, out of the shadows and into her light! I’m excited to share her with you! (Yep. Talking in 3rd person- sue me!) ;)
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Until next time!
Sending you love through food, travel, inspiration and epic storytime!
XO,
Its so true!
As introverts we talk much less, but o boy do we think so much more!!!
Haven't yet tried making an exit door for myself yet, but will keep it in mind next time I'm at a party.
Thank you for your great article!
Keep on steeming...
@sacryptocollect.
I was just with friends all weekend for a birthday party and remembering this is key whenever it seems to be too much ;)
Now I have so many thoughts that I don't even know what to do with them all! =)
I knew this would resonate with my fellow intro's :) Hope you had a great weekend!
LOL... the great thing about an introvert is we have a lot of time to think all those thoughts trough as we go along!
Thank you! Not the best weekend yet... Me and my girlfriend both have the flu, but hey we are there for each other through the good and the bad :-)
Hope you have a wonderful week!
My light bulb moment was in a personality psychology class when the professor was talking about this topic. He equated it to a battery--introverts lose their charge the more they are around people, and recharge in their alone time, and extroverts are more the opposite in that they thrive and gain energy from being around others. It was such a huge moment for me to look at it not just from a shyness perspective (which is more about anxiety in social situations), but from an energy one. I am very much an introvert, so I have learned like you that there are times where I just need to be quiet and alone in order to fill back up enough energy before I return to give to others.
I'll have to check out this book. Have you ever read "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking"? It's another excellent read to help you realize that the world has need for all types of personalities. :)
That's an awesome analogy, I have thought of it this way as well. I always tell people I need to recharge because I'm running on low ;) That's really cool to hear your prof explained it this way. A lot of teaching skips over it!
I could have spotted you as a fellow introvert! <3 I have the book you suggested on Kindle but I haven't read it yet! I should really remember to do that! I really enjoy learning more about this! Thanks for recommending it! <3
I think you will really enjoy the read! It really was a game changer to think about the energy factor. Most people just think we are socially inept or don't like being around people, but that is usually not the case at all. Now I need to remember to go look for the book you recommended... ;)
I have a couple of good introvert friends. thanks for the book suggestion, I found there's a spanish translation and will get it.
Hope you are enjoying your time in Tailand
Hi :) Who knows?! Maybe you are one too! I didn't know I was until I read this book! =D
I'm not in Thailand any more sadly, that was just a trip I took in December with my dad, I'm back in Bali now and always enjoying ;) Thank you! =D Have a great week!
Hey it's been a while !!!! So yes this speaks to me in alot of ways I was a shy kid until I started playing in bands at age 13. This gave me alot of confidence but for most of my life I would have some anxiety. In my late 20's when I was touring it started to get worse not go to hospital worse but just really uncomfortable and I guess I was realising the dream was over and I didnt need to struggle anymore. People laught when I call myself an introvert because I can be the most charming person in the room but its usually when I am comfortable. The exit stratergy works well for me too and although I still tour sometimes if I get freaked out I just people I am having a bit of a moment and when people know it seems to lessen the anxiety . Anyway thanks for the cool post nice to read you again
Hey! It has been a long time hasn't it! I was in and out of here but just came back again ;)
I think that's true with introverts, when they have enough energy they can SEEM extroverted which is where my confusion came from and why I thought that because I was always outgoing and charming and friendly that meant I was on the other side!
Now though I find that the comfort you're talking about makes all the difference and it really does help to be with people I know and trust :)
I'm not surprised for you to tell me this, it seems most of my favorite people are <3
Always good to get a reply back from yourself and yea I just dropped off for a bit a little steem break is always nice . Inn the mean time I am trying to stay focused on some steem projects namely steemskate and the callyouout challenge where I set people tricks to land . Excuse the blatent advertising but I think dropping in your reply is the best way . Hope your good will probs go to NZ next year so can hang out then
https://steemit.com/steemskate/@stickchumpion/results-of-the-first-steemskate-callyouout-challenge
You are so wise. I have learned the hard way, you have to be true to yourself. I need quiet time. Time to regenerate especially after parties...woosh..tough. Mindless chit-chat can be so difficult. It's great to meet genuine caring people with much to share. Great insight as always. Thanks @heart-to-heart!
Haha I hear you my dear @birdsinparadise! I love being able to meet people who I can connect with but finding them is hard- I'm happy we were able to find eachother and skip the party to have it happen! ;)
Nice one... What an eye opener
Quite people have the loudest mind, I love that one! Glad your following your true self! 😘
What a great post. Many people feel they have to be someone other then who they are. Sounds like a great book I will have to check it out. thanks : )
Hey! Yes that is definitely true and a hard role to have to fulfill! This book is really amazing, it definitely shifted my perspective! I hope you enjoy it! <3
i went through some similar stuff, where i was the life of the party and i just disappeared for years. i think star signs have alot to do with how we behave, whats yours?