Just Be You for You..
I came across the following image and the statement that follows it as a post on Facebook by the The Artidote which I absolutely loved and became inspired by so I thought to share it with all of you here and also make a post based on it.
artwork by ask__the__dust
The status read:
"You don’t have to be MORE attractive. you don’t have to be attractive AT ALL. you don’t have to attract anyone or anything. you are not a magnet, damn it. you should be you for you and only you. and yes I am talking about you and you and you." —internetcrisis
The moment I read this status, I was blown away by it because it said something so meaningful, profound and important in a couple of sentences only. It addresses an important issue which many of us, both men and women, but particularly young girls and women experience a lot and are victimized by. From a very young age, we (I am a woman and since I have seen this happens to girls a lot so I am speaking from my experience) are told that we need to take care of ourselves and look attractive enough so people can praise us and then as we grow older, we are told that doing this is important so we find a nice groom for ourselves and then if we do manage to get married, we are told to keep taking care of ourselves and look beautiful so our husbands do not lose interest in us.
This happened to me a lot so yes I speak from experience. Luckily for me, my mother wasn't the one who inflicted that harm on me. I was told by others around me that I need to look good for people. My mother, however did emphasize a lot on self-care and looking good but she never told me to do it for others or guys, but always for my own self. That being said, there were all sorts of unhealthy influence in my life. When I grew older, I was constantly told by my elders mainly my aunt and grandmother that I need to lose weight fast so I can find a nice groom and get married. Again, my mother never encouraged me to burn my extra body fat because of this reason, but only to stay fit and healthy. So I love her for that.
I did lose weight and married a nice guy. I did not lose weight to attract a guy though. So I did get married and then had a baby with him. Post pregnancy, I was super fat lol and after a few months of having my son, the prying and constantly bickering aunties I was surrounded by kept reminding me that I need to lose weight again, wear good clothes and put some make up on daily so I looked good enough for my husband and kept his interest in me alive. All of that bickering was extremely and intensely sabotaging to my emotional well-being and self-esteem, and it did put me in a low spot emotionally for quite some time.
Luckily enough for me, I was able to bring myself back to sanity and came out of that quicksand of depression I was stuck in for a long time. I had to be really nice to myself and keep telling myself that I am good enough for my own self during that low phase to rebuild my self-esteem and feel good about myself. So when I read the aforementioned quote, I was like 'Man, it is speaking to me! This is what I went through and felt and I am not a magnet to draw people towards me. I need to be me and happy for myself.'
This is exactly my message to each one of you. You need to love yourself, be happy, take care of yourself and do anything you want for yourself first so you feel fulfilled, happy and good from within. And it is you who gets to decide if you want to be attractive enough for anybody else or not. If you do not wish to be even presentable enough for anybody else, that is OKAY and that does not make you a weird or a bad person. Just be you and once you start doing that, you'll feel great peace entering inside you. As I write this, I am thinking of my sister whom we forced to be a certain way for a long time but she wasn't happy doing that. Now that I am more self-aware and aware of different things and how they affect our minds, I feel so guilty for pushing her to dress up a certain way. I am sorry baby sister. I now make up to her by being supportive of her decisions and not forcing her to behave a certain way.
Have you ever been through a similar situation like mine or my sister's? What are your views on the topic? Do share them as your comments make my day.
Love and light,
Sharoon.
I am running a writing contest with 5SBD up for grabs for the winner so if any of you would like to participate in it, click on the following link:
Shary's Writing Prompt Contest #4 and Results of Contest #3
Here are some of my articles that may interest you:
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A Discovery I made about Myself with Self-Awareness...
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When Things Don't Go as Planned...
After Deep Darkness Comes a Beautiful Dawn...
Something to Think About- Issue #4: A Selection of Amazing and Enjoyable Curated Posts
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I am a part of the wonderful @ecotrain that aims to make this world a better place so do join it if that's your aim too..
Ugh. I'm so familiar with this. The idea that we have to be something "more" than ourselves to be "enough" for other people — this is toxic for self-esteem. And where is the honesty in such pretense? This is a fantastic post, @sharoonyasir, and I'm glad you are kind with yourself now. That shows real strength, and this topic needs to be spoken about like this. Thank you for sharing this quote and your ideas!
Witnessed or heard plenty of this from the male perspective, and never supported of felt comfortable about it. I was gifted with this strange inner self-confidence (by all means there are cracks in it, I am human) and never took any of these perspectives on to myself or gave much mind to anyone trying to imply them in my direction if they were. As strange as that sounds, which I know the female side is worse, there also were male victims. I knew guys always picked on for being puny. Anyways, not cool, not healthy, bump all those angry jealous people. I've always attempted to be very respectful of women and men alike. Equals. Across the board, as best as nature supports, ya know? Chivalry isn't dead, but point is we all have our selves to offer and nothing else, so take pride in that and be who we genuinely are inside. Okay, no more rambling... Happy St.Patrick's Day!🍀🍀🍀
First, thank you for this deep, meaningful and long comment. I love long comments because it shows that someone did really read my work and has some meaningful insight to offer so I am just so honored by this comment. <3
Yes, I agree with you that everyone is being victimized by this dilemma and men aren't even spared by this. I have seen this happen to a lot of my male cousins too and it is just so depressing. Happy St. Patrick's Day to you too!
THANK YOU!!! :)
works very amazing drawings
Very well said. Really reinforces that old saying that change has to come from within. I vaguely an collecting various bits of wisdom where it mentions that vicious self shaming loop that actually paralyses the person instead of motivating them. Forget about the pressure from everyone else, if you don't accept yourself first it will be so difficult to grow.
I like that picture as well. The notable absence of everything other than the eyeball... Hmm, emphasizing the looks? Something like that.
Yes, self-acceptance is the first step to take to move towards a fulfilled life. It is a lack of self-acceptance that often makes us susceptible to the harsh comments of others. however, with all the naysayers around, it becomes difficult to even accept yourself.
Yes, that image is awesome and I think that's the point of it- you should be who you want to be and even if you have no feature and if that's fine for you, there is no need to wish for an eye or lips just to be attractive for others. Thank you for the lovely comment. :)
Oh I like that interpretation, it's much deeper than mine :)
:) Your comment sparked that creativity and depth so thank you for that.
I agree. When satisfied with ourselves we can be truly happy. Weight is but a one aspect people stress about, but there are numerous more. Trying to improve ourselves is great, but we must not obsess
Yes improvement should be there but for yourself mainly and not just to please others because when you try to improve yourself to please others, you never feel fulfilled from within. Thank you for the lovely comment :)