A Discovery I made about Myself with Self-Awareness...
The key to understanding yourself is to gain self-awareness into the real and inner you which is often quite different from what you believed and expected to be as @likedeeler said on one of my previous posts that the more you find out about yourself, the more you realize it's not who you thought you were. That is what's so enlightening about self-awareness- it makes you really dig deep into yourself and know who you truly are and this awareness helps you make peace with a lot of the issues you experience in life.
I thought I knew myself really well, but when I really started to dig deep into myself like about a year ago and still have that shovel in my mind that keeps digging a tad bit more with each passing day, I made so many interesting discoveries about myself that I was never really sure about. Today, I'd like to share one of those discoveries with you- one that I find a little difficult to share because I feel it is one of my shortcomings and it somewhat made me feel guilty, but then I chose to own up to it and accept it so now I am not feeling too bad about it.
I have a Huge Tendency to Feel Jealous from Others
As a child, I was quite loving and caring, but I was also quite jealous of my other siblings especially when any one of them received more affection, appreciation and care from others in particular my mother. I often used to complain to her that she loved the other 3 more than me and I fear I am not her biological child hahaha. Deep inside I knew she loved me a lot and honestly a tiny wee bit more than my 3 siblings, but you know I was always hungry for love, still am :P
With time, I sort of tried to work on this tendency to feel jealous because it really did make me feel bad at times and kept me from enjoying the times when my siblings were getting affection and recognition from others so I slowly started to manage my jealousy and did not let it get to my head and overpower me. However, at that time I did not realize that it wasn't just my siblings I felt jealous from but others at different instances too. This discovery I made a few months back and since the time I realized that, I have been analyzing it a lot.
I do not feel bad when someone does something great but I don't know somehow or in some way I do feel a tad bit jealous of that person especially if that person is a woman and that too of my age. I am still trying to figure out why I feel that way maybe because I start to compare myself to that person and feel inadequate and incompetent in some way. I am still trying to get to the root of this problem, but yeah that jealousy bit is sort of in-built in me.
When I found this out, I wasn't proud of it at first and really cringed from within. Oh my God, I am a jealous person, really? Why the hell is that? Jealousy isn't supposed to be a good thing so why do I feel that way? Man, why am I so negative? Why cannot I see others happy or doing something good? All these questions began orbiting my mind and I felt so disgusted at myself. I wasn't happy with myself for some time and that feeling started to eat away on my happiness and peace. Then I became aware of self-acceptance and mindfulness and the importance of being nonjudgmental to your emotions and accepting them for what they are. That brought me a lot of peace and really started to soothe my worries and concerns. Oh so it is okay to feel jealous and it is alright if that emotion bubbles up in me- was the first thought I remember thinking of when I became aware of being mindful and accepting of your emotions.
I discovered that reacting to your emotions in an illogical manner and in a way that it brings some sort of harm to others isn't healthy, but experiencing different emotions isn't bad at all. So it was alright if I did feel jealous of someone, but it was important that I did not react on it and did not let it get in the way of me doing something good for someone. Like I remember I didn't share a piece of knowledge with a person long time back before making this discovery because I feared he would do better than me in that area. That was something I am not proud of and something I should do, but feeling something is fine I guess.
This discovery has also helped me realize why at times I reacted irrationally and had long dialogues with my inner critic. That realization was enlightening because now that I knew why my inner critic was firing up at times, I just had to acknowledge my jealousy, accept it and let it subside on its own. I actually started doing that and the more I did it, the more I felt at peace with myself. Now I just let my jealousy subside on its own but make sure to acknowledge and accept it instead of running away from it and even started being aware of the other feelings I experience in that time. I also try that I do not let my feelings toward that person become influenced in any way by my emotion of jealousy and keep the two feelings as separate as possible. This is really working well for me and I am enjoying my ability to keep different emotions separate from one another and tackle each individually. So for me, self-awareness is really doing wonders. What about you? Do share your thoughts on the topic. Your support means a lot to me!
Love and light,
Sharoon.
I am running a writing contest with 5SBD up for grabs for the winner so if any of you would like to participate in it, click on the following link:
Shary's Writing Prompt Contest #3 and Results of Contest #2
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After Deep Darkness Comes a Beautiful Dawn...
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Listen More, Feel More and Experience More to Become More Aware and Wise...
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Why is it so Hard to Apologize for Your Own Wrongdoings??
Confessions of a People Pleaser...
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My Scar Stories- Reminders of Many Different Memories
I am a part of the wonderful @ecotrain that aims to make this world a better place so do join it if that's your aim too..
great post. i love how self searching you are and always wanting to grow and examine. i am similar.
to me jealousy is like a fuel. perhaps we cannot control things in the outer realm, but to some degree we can control how we use our time and energy to shape our lives. if i feel jealous of someone, i have trained myself to first ask: what is it that i'm jealous of?
if it is something that they're doing that i'm not doing, i ask myself if i am jealous because i'd like to be doing that. if the answer is yes, i realize that i have a desire inside that i am not acting on or that hasn't manifested yet and this person is showing me, like a mirror, my unfilled desire.
perhaps it doesn't always work like that, but i see jealousy as an emotion that leads us to understand where there may be gaps in our experience. as with the love of your mother, of course you cannot control truly how much someone loves you, but if you are hungry for external love, perhaps it is a sign to make peace with yourself and give yourself some self love.
of course as children we aren't taught to do that; we're taught to find fulfillment from things on the outside of ourselves... but to me this is key. <3
secondly, if i feel jealous, i make myself congratulate that person. that is another antidote. there's no reason to withhold your love from someone because you feel jealous. let your esteem of them flow toward them. perhaps it will feed them on an unknown level and then you're also not carrying that sticky feeling around with you.
This is such a beautiful comment. I just love it! Yes when I feel jealous of someone, now I ask myself the same question too and it clarifies a lot of the problems. I too congratulate that person but somehow doing that even makes the jealousy go away for me. For me, accepting and breathing it out is what works. Thank you so much for the support.
beautiful <3 amazing. it's so good to learn antidotes to these things we either have karma with or are taught... <3
Self-awareness is an ongoing process. Some people don't even become aware at all, let alone continue that growth and learning process. Jealousy is a tricky one, and something we all battle with ;). Thanks for sharing!
Yes I think the journey to self-awareness only ends when you die. Before that it keeps taking different turns. Thanks for the great comment :)
What i've learned over the years in regards to being overtly self-aware, is that you need to differentiate between your true self and everything else. Jungian Psychology gives some names and identifies many pieces of our collective essence, making it easier to understand and learn how to combat against the negative forces that bubble up from within. When you're confronted with anxiety, being jealous of others, or having rediculous desires that cant be met, you need to take a moment to breathe and pause yourself. Place those emotions to the side and look at them, realize that they're causing you pain. From there you can develop strategies to combat these negative experiences. Focusing more on positivity and desiring to enjoy things more than not, this will effectively help you deal with all that the Ego throws at you.
Yess yess yess you are so right and Jungian Psychology is extremely helpful in this regard too. Carl Jung is one of my favorite psychologists too. Love his work and your comment.
As you said, jealousy and other negative emotions are normal. You have to accept them. It's amazing that you are self-aware and admit such feelings. Taking responsibility is one of the key steps to changing. I read that in Gestalt, the focus is not on visualising who you want to become, but rather, understand who you are today - and that is the only route to change.
Yes this is such a beautiful quote and holds so much meaning. Thanks for sharing it with me and for being here. :)
Acceptance is so important, we are all human and I believe jealousy is something we all experience, some may try to push it aside or ignore it, others really fed into it, but acceptance is the best, it really allows us to keep moving forward and grow. I definitely struggle with this sometimes and am always trying to accept it. Sometimes it is easier than others.
I love your honesty Sharoon, thank you for writing such empowering posts xxx
Thank you sooo much for all your appreciation Aishlinn. I keep saying this but you inspire me to be so honest and accepting of myself and that's what encourages me a lot to constantly be accepting of myself.
Such a beautifully vulnerable post. I'm glad @naquoya sent me here so I can follow you instead of just being silly excited when I stumble over your work.
Thank you to @naquoya and to you too for being here. I love the work of both of you and have learned a lot from you two. Vulnerability is often very enlightening and sharing my emotions through this post helped me feel much better. Thanks a lot for the appreciation.
It is really an amazing works! when we are trying to know better of ourselves sometimes we may find difficulties. but keep doing it will bring to incredible self-awareness. Thank you @sharoonnyasir for sharing this.
Regards
@el-nailul
Yes self-awareness is just enlightening. It helps you improve a lot. Thanks for stopping by :)
This is motivating, thanks.
You are welcome and thank you for stopping by :)
Totally agreed with your points on Self-Awareness. It's not an easy task to be aware of yourself. Our life is so busy will things to do every second, we don't have the chance to sit down and do a self-review. it will be best if every one of us can spare half an hour in a week to focus on Self-Awareness, to undersyand yourself and try to improve on it.
Yes spending even 10 minutes with yourself daily can help you become aware of your emotions and it is soo important but sadly something we disregard. Thanks for the lovely comment. :)
I have also been hit with this one, and whilst not delighted by that fact, accepting it's reality was the beginning. Like how you noticed it also, and came to a sense of acceptance. I think that is where healing starts. Acceptance of reality, then from that sense of peace, one can move forward. What's the alternative? To fight, to resist. These just seem to bring disruptive energy and that is what is at the heart of jealousy, I guess.
Great insight, and honesty. I appreciate your post.
Thank you soo much. Your appreciation always makes my day :)
Yes accepting my emotions even the ones I dont want to feel helps manage them and makes things easier for me. I have judged and criticized myself a lot. Acceptance is what is helping me feel better about myself and also work on these emotions for the better.