To Sleep or Not to Sleep, that is the Question....
The following is a fabrication of my imagination and highlights an issue I feel strongly about and think about often, but fortunately I haven't been through that myself.
It is past midnight here. It is all dark outside and quite chilly too. My eyes are brimming with sleep, the eyelids becoming heavy with each passing second. This is a sign of my body demanding sleep. I need to sleep. I should sleep. But the problem here is that I do not want to sleep. My body is yearning for me to sleep. It needs to rest. It needs to unwind. It needs to rejuvenate, but my mind.. Somehow, my mind is not ready to shut down. My mind keeps pulling me away from my bed maybe because it know what will happen if I sleep.
It has been 2 years since that unfortunate incident. 2 years since I suffered abuse- all sorts of it at the hands of a loved one- someone I trusted and loved a lot, but someone who had no qualms in breaching that trust. Someone I do not wish to name because I do not want to him to feel ashamed. I don't know why I am still caring for him maybe because I am like that and maybe that's the reason why people found it easy to take advantage of me.
The abuse did not stop easily. I had to run away from my home to escape that trauma which meant I had to sever ties from my family for good, but somehow I did muster up that courage and I am glad I did for if I had stayed under that roof any longer, I would have died soon. A friend helped me out and let me stay in her place. For the past two years, I have been living with her and working as a freelancer. Life is better now. Nobody abuses me. Nobody takes advantage of me. Nobody hates me. And nobody loves me. Maybe because I have stopped interacting with people. My friend is the only person left now with whom I actually talk. Other than that, I don't know anybody and I think I am fine that way.
Days pass away just fine, but it is the nighttime that is dreadful for me for when the sun sets and the stars shine bright, I know it is time for me to sleep but when I dare hit the bed, all I think of and see are flashbacks from the past. Memories of the times when I was treated like a vermin. When I had no say of my own. When I was used and discarded every single night and when I was treated like trash by someone who should have only given me love, care and a nourishing environment. These thoughts keep me awake for hours and if I dare sleep, all I see is nightmares. Nightmares that throttle me and make me wake up all covered in perspiration. Nightmares that don't let me rest. Nightmares that make me question my existence.
My friend says I need to talk to a therapist, but I don't want to open up to anyone anymore. I feel fine. I just don't want to sleep. I just cannot sleep. Maybe someday I will sleep better. Maybe that day will come, but it is okay even if it does not for I have learned to live like that.
This story is just a fabrication of my imagination. I haven't gone through any of this personally, but yeah I do know of some people who have been victimized by abuse so it was in some ways inspired by that. As always, looking forward to your comments on my work. Thanks a lot for all the support. You guys are love!
Love and light,
Sharoon.
Some of my posts that may interest you.
Parents- Guiding Lights or Dictators?
My Plans to Help the Steemit Community Grow and Consequently Grow Myself in the Process
Great imagination. I think this may be very true for some though! Super sad but very well written.
Thank you so much for the appreciation. yeah it was very intense for me to write it too.
Women are the victim of all sorts of abuse in our society, whether its mental or physical. My blood boils when I see an abuser...
At the start I thought that you were the victim of the abuse but I thanked God in the end.
But there are a lot of true abuse stories around us, far much worse and heart-breaking ....
@xabi, your comment made me so happy because from the looks of it, it seems you are a wonderful husband and one who treats his wife beautifully. There are definitely scores of abuse stories, but we need more men like you and even more strong women to battle that.
I always try my best!!!Although I am not perfect....
Nobody is perfect yar bas good enough honey ki koshish karni chahiye.
For a while there I thought it was about you!! Glad it isn't but you are right, there are poeple who experience this on a daily basis.
They do and a salute to them for bearing it. Thank you for the support:)
It must be difficult dealing with a situation like this. I'm glad this is just a story and not a real experience you had. @ironshield
I am glad t is not my real life experience too because only thinking about it gave me the jitters. I hope one day all of this would actually stop for real.
There are ghosts of the past that keeps us awake at night but once we feel that tomorrow is just going to be better, it certainly becomes.
The only thing is to open up and all should be fine :)
Yeah opening about things is important but often doing that is just so difficult. Thank you for the meaningful comment.
Your imagination is very wide :) I thought it was true and was feeling sorry for you till you said none of that happened lol... I felt good that it didn't happen to you... I hope it doesn't happen to anyone... It reminds me of a movie I saw few years ago about dark ghosts attacking some people in the dark and make them not able to sleep.. Have you seen that movie? I can't remember what it's called.
I knew people would think that this happened to me that's why I mentioned this didn't happen with me in the start. And yeah I have very wide imagination and I enjoy thinking differently. This topic is a very intense one and I don't even want to think about it because then I feel like killing all the abusers, but it is one thing that has affected me in many ways. And no I haven't seen that movie. if you remember its name, do tell me too. Thank you for the support :)
Yeah abuse can be very real to some people. It is definitely difficult to reach out when it had made someone feel helpless and traumatized. To talk about it would be another great struggle, so glad this wasn't your true story.
I once was told that some who are abused may tap into this mental state called "Stockholm Syndrome" which made the victims sympathize with the abuser too. I read up on how it got its name too. Pretty interesting. If I remember correctly, it's about some bank robbery victims who were held hostage for days and eventually they became sympathetic with the robbers, wanting to 'help'them too. Anyway, haha sorry for the side track. But yeah I had an interesting read from you again @sharoonyasir :)
Hey please don't be sorry for that. You gave me a name for that term and increased my knowledge which is just so amazing so I am so thankful to you for that. I am glad it wasn't my story too. Thank you for the appreciation :)
Beautiful story, Sharoon.
Wow. I just logged in at work and this is the first piece I've gone through this afternoon after logging in, even before I went through the emails. Your emotions, imagination and your heart are so beautiful, Sharoon. I knew from the beginning of the article that it was fiction or something that thankfully didn't happen to yourself, but I still wanted to read it till the last word and wanted to know how you unfolded it. I was expecting a little more though. I wanted it to go on for a few hundred words more.
About the abuse, I completely agree with you on that part. Abuse in our society is not just restricted to women now. I've seen examples of men/boys being abused too. We have reached an alarming level of disgrace to the word humanity. I'm hopeful, however, just like you are, for that day, just like the character in your story was, the day when we will be able to realize the basics, the importance of them. And that it is just not as simple as using somebody for your own lust and then throwing them away. I hope we learn the basics before we start eating each other's flesh.
Thank you so much, Sharoon.
Honestly I wanted to explore it further too and wanted to go on for about 400-500 words more but it had become quite intense for me. I just couldn't go on so I wrapped it up a bit abruptly.
I completely get what u said about abuse affecting everyone. Boys, men, women, girls- everyone is targeted these days. I personally know of some guys who were sexually abused as kids so I know how hard it id. Being a mother of a little child, I am just so worried about all of this.
May Allah protect your family from any of this :) <3
really well written @sharoonyasir, it's so sad that this is a reality for some, who feel so alone, afraid and unloved. Feeling like they have no one to turn too even though their are so many people around. Community is so lacking for so many people. xx
Yes community is very lacking for a lot of us and this is why I write such stuff so if someone is going through an pain, he/ she should know there are people who can feel his/ her pain and he/ she can turn to us or anyone he/ she feels connected to. Thanks for the love <3