Stop Listening to People and Focus on Yourself
'My father used to say, "You would worry less about what people think if you knew how little they did".- Dr. Phil McGraw
I have been a firm believer in not worrying about what people think of you or what you do and this lovely quote right up there just affirmed my belief in it. I am a sensitive person and as a child I was extremely sensitive too and as I discussed in an earlier post, I had turned into a people pleaser. It took me quite some time to improve on that unhealthy behavior. Today, I won't be talking about that, but about another behavior closely associated with it- worrying so much about what others think of you and what you do. Yes, often this worry comes from a need to please others, but it is also rooted in the need to conform to the rules set by the society and the fear that you may go through a slip-up if you don't listen to the people or that you may be banished by the society if you go against them or that people may not help you in difficult times if you don't listen to them.
Moreover, this worry also comes from a lack of self-belief and the feeling of incompetency. Personally, I believe all of these thoughts, fears and beliefs should not be given much importance and you should really just focus on doing what you want to do and do not pay any attention to what people think. And if that worry still perturbs you, just look at the work they are doing and honestly, you are quite likely to worry a lot less then.
Often, those who are constantly bickering about what you are doing are doing very little themselves. They aren't working hard for a better future; investing in themselves; going the extra mile to achieve their goals; and burning the midnight oil to achieve all that they aspire to have. Since they aren't doing much to be who they want to be and are quite likely not thinking outside the box too, they find it strange when someone else is doing that. For instance, when a person really close to me tells someone he aims to become a billionaire and that he is sure he will achieve this goal, his friends laugh at him and make fun of him. This used to dampen his spirits at first, but then I asked him to just look at what all those people are actually doing and most of them weren't actually doing meaningful things in their life. Fortunately, he is now more determined than ever to achieve his goal and does not give a rat's ass (his words :P) about what others think and that is helping him pursue his aspirations in a big way.
There are countless examples of accomplished people around us who worried less about what people thought of them and that was one of the many substantial keys that helped them achieve what they wanted. One of such examples that inspires me a lot is that of Elon Musk. He wanted to venture into the space travel industry and envisioned of doing things nobody had really imagined to do and that's what made a lot of people think he wouldn't be successful in doing those things. That did hurt him, but it did not lower his morale and he kept believing in himself and look where he is now.
Similarly, not many people thought that Colonel Sanders would be successful in having his own fried chicken joint and a successful recipe that would actually sell. After over one thousand and nine tries, he was finally able to achieve that success and there was no looking back for him then. Had he listened to the people who did not believe in him and those that kept trying to pull him down.
So you see turning a deaf ear to people often is the right thing to do and if you do that when you know you need to follow your heart and your goal, you can reach great heights of success. Not only financial success, but that does help you in living an overall happy and good life as well. For instance, a certain lifestyle is what suits me and my husband and a lot of my relatives do not agree with it, but I don't care about that at all. If I start doing that, it will get to my head and really destroy my piece of mind so I am just not concerned about that anymore. Also, I don't understand why people keep shoving their advice in the lives of others if they won't be there to support them. Families here in Pakistan keep forcing newly married couples to have children and when they do, they aren't there to help them out with the new responsibility.
I could go on and on about how the people here keep pulling you down, but I have a hungry tummy to feed (mine) and that of a little boy to feed too so I think I'll wrap up for now on the note that just look out for yourself. Oh do share your thoughts on the topic please. :)
Love and light,
Sharoon.
Here are some of my articles that may interest you:
There are Many ways of Going Forward, but Only One Way of Standing Still
Listen More, Feel More and Experience More to Become More Aware and Wise...
How Positive Stereotypes can Make Life Difficult
Why is it so Hard to Apologize for Your Own Wrongdoings??
Confessions of a People Pleaser...
To Sleep or Not to Sleep, that is the Question....
Parents- Guiding Lights or Dictators?
One Smile and a Deep Breath to Quickly Fight Stress
Why I am Grateful for My Hardships...
Why Do We Attach Unnecessary Meaning to Everything??
Why is it Okay to Be a Little Selfish, Focus on Your Needs and Communicate them to Loved Ones
Batman & Jesus: Why do we fear debate?
My Scar Stories- Reminders of Many Different Memories
I am a part of the wonderful @ecotrain that aims to make this world a better place so do join it if that's your aim too..
Big respect for this post. You hit onto a few notable points which are great for anyone to hear.
Firstly, your main point, not giving a damn about what others think, is spot on. It's easy to be influenced by the negativity of others and sometimes you need to walk away. The more you surround yourself with assholes, the more you become one.
I liked how you referenced Colonel Sanders. He is a great example of somebody with a great belief in himself and a real never give up mentality. Did you know he was a hotel owner before KFC? This hotel ended up burning to the ground.
Imagine how that would affect the everyday person.
Your friend sounds like he has the right idea too! A billionaire. That's a great goal and it's a brilliant way to think... but... just a suggestion that somebody gave me a while ago. Being semi-realistic when being practical is a benefit. Having your head in the clouds when your being practical can cause you to be irrational, acting on emotions.
Somebody once said; "You want to be a millionaire huh? Can you show me how to make $1000. Then $10,000. Then $100,000. (And so on and so forth)."
The point being, don't shoot for billions when you haven't even made $1000 dollars yet. There is such a thing as too much.
Just a suggestion, it's not meant to be demotivating to him. Trying to just inject a bit of realism.
Thanks a lot for the appreciation and the lovely advice. No, no you didn't say anything wrong and it wasn't demotivating either. In fact what you said is right and he and I both follow that. While he has long-term goal set at a billion dolalrs, he has his milestones set too like $1000 then $5000 then $10000 and so on till he can make a million in a year and then invest it somewhere to grow the money. :)
This post is quite motivational, thanks for sharing this with us. LESSON; No listener of negative talks can ever be successful in life
Oh absolutely. Glad you deduced it from here :)
Yeah, thanks to you for the timely reminder.
Very good advice and I must admit I battle with this sometimes. I'm also a reforming people pleaser and I think that there is a link between the two. You're right though, who cares, it's not like they're the ones living your life, you are.
Yes the two are closely linked together and are such unhealthy attitudes at times. Not caring too much about what people think is important for your own well-being. Thanks for the support. Means a lot <3
Truth. If everyone understood this simple concept... whoa...
Hey there. So happy to see you here :) Yeah, if everyone does understand this, how simple life would be.. Thanks for stopping by :)
Agreed. I would add a caveat though - if you love and respect a person, then it is often worth considering their opinion. I am all for positive thinking, but it can take a person down a blind alley, and then the advice of someone who truly cares about you can be very useful.
Yes you are right. If someone does matter a lot to you and you know that he/ she cares deeply about you too then yeah you should listen to him/ her and give importance to their viewpoint. However, if someone is just trying to pull you down for no reason, it is better to turn a deaf ear to them. Thanks for the lovely insight. :)
And after kids when your parenting style is being criticised. God, who else can understand kids better than their own parents. But still everybody loves to give free advice.
Talking about advice. This has to start with us. I think we should never ever give unwanted advice to anyone. If asked, then only if you are condifent that your advice will help that particular person then you may help him/her. Otherwise we should shut our damn mouth. Like you said in your previous post that mouth is not supposed to be open all the time like ears. It can be shut.
Yeah we really need to learn to shut our mouths. We all have opinions on things even when we aren't asked of them, but if we aren't asked to give advice, I think we should just keep the viewpoint to our own selves and not spew the venom on others. Lovely input. I appreciate that a lot. Thank you.
isnt it funny how we have the same traits! i also really used to struggle with this.. to the Nth degree..
living in India helped a LOT.. but you know what REALLY helped me the most.. is just putting my hands on my heart after my meditation and just giving myself love.. i am surprised how MUCH that has helped me.. <3
It is funny but not strange because I think that's the reason why I found the @ecotrain and you chose me as its passenger- our minds thinking on more or less the same levels. Our vibrations are attracted each other and I am so happy that it happened. Yes putting your hands on your heart and loving yourself does work really well for me too haha. Another similarity and I am just feeling really happy right now :)
Nice one please upvote me back
1,009 tries! That's something to think about, thanks for the education.
Yeah that's really inspiring. Thanks for stopping by :)
Yeah everyone seems to have opinions about other people's lives and how they should live them. It is hard not to take on what people say, I try and usually I can just walk away or not listen, but sometimes there will be someone that gets in there and what they say upsets me. Living how I do, in a truck and not sending my kids to school not giving them sugar etc etc I've learned to have a thick skin, to try and ignore what others might have to say.. it really is no one else's business how I live. but even thick skin doesn't always protect you. great post Sharoon xx
You are doing the right things by not listening to them and building a thick skin. You know what suits you and your family more than them. But yeah having a thick skin isn't always effective with such people. I have let the words of such people get to me many times, but I try not to get affected by them much. Its working :) Thanks for the support xoxo