@ecotrain qotw- What is patriarchy? Is a patriarchy the same as a society led by men, or is it more, a society led by fear and a feeling of scarcity, that happens to be an environment in which the masculine takes charge?

in #ecotrain7 years ago

One of the nicest things about being a part of the @ecotrain is having interesting and inspiring questions to answer and exciting challenges to be a part of each week. Also, it isn't mandatory for all the passengers to participate every week, it is better though, but you have a lot of flexibility which makes it quite comfortable for you to be a part of the train.

This week we were asked the following question which I found extremely intriguing, exciting and important.

What is patriarchy? Is a patriarchy the same as a society led by men, or is it more, a society led by fear and a feeling of scarcity, that happens to be an environment in which the masculine takes charge?

I think this question is one we need to dig deeper into and that too from different angles and perspectives because the better we explore it, the more we'll understand what it truly is and its foundations. If we want to eliminate a certain issue from our life, we need to dig deeper into it and understand exactly what led to its creation. Unless we do that, we won't get to the bottom of the problem and fix the real issue. I believe the same is the case with patriarchy. Patriarchy and patriarchal societies have grown so humongous and have now given birth to scores of other problems that it is really important to dig into this issue so we understand that is it really a society led by just men or a society that is based on fear and some feeling of scarcity or insecurity or anything else and it is this issue that makes the men feel they should take charge of the society.

Here are my views on the topic.


How I Feel About Patriarchy

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Patriarchy is described as the society where men are given the charge to rule and to decide things, and women do not enjoy the same rights. I live in a patriarchal society, however, I did not know of this term for a long time. It was only when I was in my O'levels that I understood that the inequality and biased treatment I saw towards the two genders in my society had a label too- patriarchy.

It is a social and political system that believes that the male gender has the right to dominate the society and is superior to everything that is considered weak, incompetent or inferior to men in any way. Men have the right to dominate those deemed weak and they have the right to employ any measure they feel appropriate enough to express their dominance and set things in order.

This right to rule and dominate and to decide what's right and wrong for everyone is given to men from a very young age. When a girl in my society is born, she is taught certain things from a very young age and those things then help her form her own beliefs and serve as the rules she needs to abide by to live a good life as described by the elders in the society. The same happens with boys. A girl is taught to behave a certain way, feel a certain way and even think a certain way. Like I was always taught that it is okay to cry because girls are weak and that weak people cannot hold their tears back since they aren't strong enough whereas my male cousins, my brother and the other boys I interacted with were always shushed quickly if they cried because the society has deemed men to be strong and according to the rules, one who is strong cannot cry because tears are a sign of weakness. (These are things I learned, not my beliefs now- they have changed a lot over the course of years.)

Girls are also taught how certain activities are for boys and boys are taught how he should not worry about cooking or cleaning since those chores aren't for men to handle. Luckily, my siblings and I weren't taught this since my brother didn't believe in patriarchy as such and she did not even stop my brother from crying and let him express his feelings. However, my paternal and maternal relatives were staunch believers in the patriarchal system so when we met them, we were taught all the things I talked about earlier.

Not only that, but girls and boys are also taught that certain emotions are for girls to express while certain ones belong only to the boys. It is alright if a boy expresses his rage, but it is abhorrent if a girl does the same. Men in my family can express their anger if their mother, wife or sister hasn't prepared a tasty meal for them. However, if the ladies in the house, especially the wife complains to her husband about why he does not earn much or tells him she needs more money to manage the expenses, she is labelled as 'incompetent to manage the household.' Rage belongs to the men so does the power to control others and the right to express their distaste, unhappiness, frustration and anger. Women are only to love the men and their loved ones, take care of them and abide by their orders. Yes, they can dress up and should dress up but for their men and nobody else. They should not think too much because when they think, they start exploring things and when they explore things, they become aware of them and awareness gives them confidence and wisdom to break the shackles of patriarchy, but that's not what the men want right?

So yeah patriarchy is a society led by men, but that's not it. I believe patriarchy is more of a society led by a certain kind of mentality and that mentality is nurtured by a lot of women too. Patriarchy is more of a mindset that believes men are right and have the power and right to control others because they are believed to be stronger and wise. I think the different religions may have some sort of role to play in the formation of this mentality too. Since God in most of the religions is a He and the prophets were male too, that made the people think that men are wiser and better than women so they are entitled to enjoy more rights and power over everyone else.

Men in most cultures and countries are leaders of the system and the nation, and this gives them more authority over others. So when men start enjoying more authority and the right to dominate others, they do not want to let go of it and this right and authority then becomes a part of their being. From a young age they are taught to dominate others, women in particular, so if this right and authority is taken away from them, they feel incomplete. So yeah, I do believe that patriarchal societies are basically led by feelings of insecurity and fear. It is these fears and beliefs that make the men feel they are competent enough to take charge of everything and these beliefs give birth to the patriarchal mindset. While it is believed that the patriarchal mindset is imparted to children by men mostly, there are many women who train their kids to accept and embrace this mindset. My own grandmother is one of those women. While my grandfather did support patriarchy to a certain extent, it is my grandmother who ensured all my uncles and their wives and kids follow it vehemently. My uncles do not even drink water on their own and if their wives get a little late in serving them water or food or anything else, my grandmother would start saying mean things to them. This scenario has changed a bit for the better with time, but that mentality is still rooted in her mind.

This mentality has roots in the belief that women aren't capable of making wise decisions on their own and that if women do step outside of their home, they will be taken advantage of and will suffer from problems in particular abuse. The fear of a woman being abused by another man and going through various problems is another reason why men are given more power in patriarchal societies. When a girl reaches her adolescence, she is asked not to come in front of strangers especially men because of the same fear. And I believe it is the patriarchal society that has made certain men feel that they can abuse their rights and power and take advantage of other people, especially young children and women. This abuse of power is what paves way for inequality, violence, sexual abuse and all sorts of other abuse and the feeling of being inadequate in women and even in some men.

I found a beautiful article on patriarchy and here is an excerpt from it that I loved a lot-

Psychological patriarchy is the dynamic between those qualities deemed “masculine” and “feminine” in which half of our human traits are exalted while the other half is devalued. Both men and women participate in this tortured value system. Psychological patriarchy is a “dance of contempt,” a perverse form of connection that replaces true intimacy with complex, covert layers of dominance and submission, collusion and manipulation. It is the unacknowledged paradigm of relationships that has suffused Western civilization generation after generation, deforming both sexes, and destroying the passionate bond between them.

You can read the full article here.

I am still exploring this concept and trying to dig deeper into it so I'll probably share more of my findings in some time. What are your views on the topic? What do you think patriarchy is really about? Do share your views in the comments below. Thank you for your love and support.

Love and light,

Sharoon.


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Can you believe that i just discovered i was not following you? Very, very strange. Anyway, mistake or not, following again.

Nice take on the Question too, you surely know about the patriarch side of things, can you even imagine the opposite?

Hi Bup will you write on this too?

No, i won't Clara, i prefer just reading and commenting if time allows

Haha that happens with me too- i know of someone, check out their blog regularly but haven't followed them. I actually know the people whose work I have to read and whose work I enjoy so I just see their names from my list and then check out their accounts and completely forget to follow some of them at times. I don't resort to my feed to get updates usually :P

Yeah I do imagine the opposite and it isn't too cool either.

Thank you for sharing this sharoon. When we see the truth in black and white, it reveals the real inequality of patriarchy. Its hard to believe that even today it is still SO prevalent, however the tide is turning. We are moving into a new age, and even though it feels slow as we move through it, i believe that within a generation it will shift drastically.

The truth is that the weak need to dominate and control, because they havent the strength or wisdom to let others rise up and show their power. Women are perceived as a threat to weak males because in truth women are incredibly strong, and could easily subvert a mans wishes or desires. Only throuh consistant repression have men managed to keep a lid on thingsmto protect their own desires and ego needs.

Can't wait to read your post on this question :-)

Mmm , now i have to write!!! ;)

I completely agree with you that women are extremely strong. I have seen most men give up in difficult times but women persevere. With people like you around, I definitely think we are moving into a new age and hopefully one day these issues won't be there. However, I have now started seeing things from another perspective too. The other day I was talking to a guy and patriarchy came up too and his views were that the good and the bad will stay here for good because that's how balance will be maintained. I found that interesting.

Well to some extent that is true, but we have been in kali yuga for 20000 years and we will have abreak from this imbalance soon! The balance has been way off!!!

Heavy topic.

Yes we need to find some serious changes in our society.
Here in the USA we have so many men in power who act as gatekeepers for progress, women get locked out of all sorts of aspects of dominant culture, art, music, politics, board rooms, so many other areas it's insane.

We, as men, need to step up, so we can stand aside.
Standing aside as a man, to me means listening effectively, doing my best to set aside bias which is built into our society, and genuinely support the women's voices in my life.

Thanks for this post, it's hard to talk about these concepts in our male dominated culture, it's also super important work.

It feels good when a man understand the dilemma associated with patriarchy and speaks about the topic in an unbiased manner. I feel masculinity and femininity isn't about associating certain emotions and roles with each and accepting them but about embracing your masculinity or femininity as a whole and acknowledging everything you feel and experience and I am so happy to see you doing that. Thank you for the meaningful comment. :)

So yeah patriarchy is a society led by men, but that's not it. I believe patriarchy is more of a society led by a certain kind of mentality and that mentality is nurtured by a lot of women too.

You hit the nail on the head here! I think this whole mindset is so damaging to men and women. I think that the reason there are so many problems between men and women in relationships is partly because men have been taught to tamp down their feelings for so long and can't relate to women, even when they love them. They don't know how to express their feelings because it was never allowed.

And I could go on and on about how it damages women, but I think that I'll leave this comment for now, because the part about men and emotions is just what is weighing heavily on me right now due to my own life situation... and if I started talking about that anymore or the other parts, well, I could go on forever!

Great post, you've given me some food for thought. I will be carrying this along in my mind for a while, I'm sure.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

The part about men and emotions is weighing down on me nowadays as well and your comment comforted me a lot. <3 Thank you for all the support you show me :)

because men have been taught to tamp down their feelings for so long and can't relate to women, even when they love them. They don't know how to express their feelings because it was never allowed.

very well said @byn. i think this is a pervasive problem for so many. i know i see it in the men in my life

It is a sad thing. I've been watching my husband struggle with it for years and he hates it so much. It has been a huge struggle between us. As "solid" as we are as a couple, that creates a divide that we're still trying to repair!

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Thank u for this interesting read. Its really shocking how men are still suppose to be waited on even in this day and age. Traveling around South East Asia last summer I saw the complete opposite where men were carrying bags for women and taking pictures treating her like absolute princesses. I heard in Thailand the women tun the family fiercely but I'm just an outsider I dunno what really happens.

You've got some good points there!
Interesting to see the experiences and points of view on this from a muslim woman of Pakistani nationality!
'I believe patriarchy is more of a society led by a certain kind of mentality and that mentality is nurtured by a lot of women too.'
Yes, it has become normal to many of us women, even though it is actually very unbalanced. To some it even feels like a threat to give it up as it has started to feel 'safe' for them to live like this as they don't know anything else and have invested a lot in this patriarchal worldview as they betrayed themselves for it to live like this and now it's all they have.
I believe men aren't very happy in this mentality either, who can really relax and enjoy when they have to be in control the whole time and fear that if they let go of the control and stop working, working they might start feeling things burried deep down below. They just don't know how to change it and how to start trusting the feminine again. You can read about it in my coming article.

Yes men aren't too happy with it either and the article that I mentioned in my post covers that aspect nicely. Patriarchy has become more of a burden for everyone and it keeps people from fully exploring themselves.

Indeed. I still have the tab open to that article you're referring to and am planning to read it. Thanks!

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This is excellent. I haven't let myself read any of the posts, but I finally finished my post, so now I get to read We are very much in alignment with our thoughts on this. I really love the psychological patriarchy bit. In my post, I referred to essentially the same thing as toxic masculinity. Excellent insight about the role of religion. I know within Christianity there is a lot of suspicion among those who are more esoteric or mystical that there were women who wrote substantially about the teachings of Christ but that those texts were probably destroyed and definitely subverted by the powers within the church. Excellent post. You're a great writer.

You are so generous with your words super mama!!! Mwah

Kisses right back to you!

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