Why Do We Attach Unnecessary Meaning to Everything??
The title of today's post is a question I have been asking myself and several loved ones, especially my husband for days now. I feel we have a habit of attaching too much meaning to things which is why we often find ourselves feeling trapped in negative thoughts and thinking too much about stuff. I did not get this easily. However, as soon as I became more aware of and drawn towards practicing meditation and nurturing mindfulness, I understood that it is better to live in the moment and experience and accept everything as it is instead of holding on to everything you experience and attaching undue meaning to things.
When I learned this lesson, I started applying it to different things and honestly, I ended up finding out that most of the stress that we feel in our routine lives is because of this one problem- thinking too much into things and associating undue meaning with stuff. I also realized that a lot of the stress that we experience in our routine is because many of us think too much about stuff because we attach too much meaning too stuff and this often makes our create mountains out of molehills.
For instance, yesterday we had some guests over at our place. My mother and siblings were also visiting us. One of those guests brought a present for my younger sister and when my son saw that, he became too excited because he wanted a present too. He thought it was for him, but when he found out it was for his aunt (my sister), he got a little upset. However, he cheered up himself quickly and said, 'Goldie (my sister's nickname) is the winner because she got a gift and I am a loser because I didn't get any.' As soon as he said this, my husband and my aunt quickly said, 'No, no you are not a loser. Don't say that. Who said you were a loser?' My husband got quite upset that my son was associating being a loser with not getting anything. I could sense him becoming frustrated because he did not want our son to think of himself as a loser and lower his self-esteem in the process.
My husband then started asking Faateh different questions about he formed this belief and so on and Faateh became upset in the process. I then asked my husband to calm down and let it be. I told him that Faateh was only 4 and exploring different words, concepts and meanings so it is okay if he thinks a certain way right now; we can slowly help him get a better understanding of stuff; but if we pressure him into thinking a certain way, he will become overwhelmed and may not learn to think independently.
I did not pursue that matter further because we were in a gathering and I did not want to enter a big discussion at that time. Today, on my way home after dropping Faateh to school, I was thinking about what happened yesterday and the more I thought on the issue, I realized that we have attached undue meaning to the word 'loser.' If we lose at something, the other person who wins is a winner and that makes us a loser, right? But why is this such a bad thing.
Yes, not getting anything does not mean we are losers, but if we lost at a contest, we are a sort of a loser. We did not win anything, that's it. But losing something does not make us any less or inferior than the one who won the contest. Losing at something does not mean we are not capable of doing great stuff. And it is not a testament of how incompetent or silly we are. It does not mean any of this stuff. It is our interpretation of that word that makes us perceive it differently and the reason we become so overwhelmed on hearing or using certain words is because we have formed a distorted and convoluted perception of it in our minds.
I believe this practice gives birth to many issues especially those related to a poor self-esteem that consequently paves way for bigger problem. If we just perceive a certain word as it is and an experience for what it really is and stop forcing ourselves to associate undue and unnecessary meaning to it, I think we would be able to resolve much of our issues on our own without having to go to a therapist for them. I have been trying doing this for a couple of months and honestly, it has produced great results for me so far.
For instance, earlier if my mother used to ask me to come visit me, I somehow used to think maybe she doesn't like visiting me or my home. Previously, I lived in a small house that wasn't well constructed so it was me who felt weird about it and had attached that meaning to my mother's statements. This was slowly building heaps of resentment inside me. Fortunately, I decided to open up to my mother about it and found out that she never thought that way. It was me who was associated unnecessary meaning to stuff, overthinking things and making up weird things in my mind.
When I learned to be more accepting of things and perceive them for what they are without judging them or putting labels on them, I became more at peace with everything and stopped overthinking stuff. This has helped me greatly and now I seldom find myself overthinking and stressing over stuff. I am slowly teaching the same to my husband and son as well so they too can take things for what they are. My son is only 4, but he is quite a sensitive boy and does think about stuff. However, I have noticed that he is fine by losing at stuff at times (not always lol) and does not get too offended by it so I am happy he is not reading too much between the lines right now.
What is your take on the topic? love having engaging conversations so please do drop your ideas and comments below. Looking forward to them. Thank you once again for going through this post. I hope you liked it. If you do enjoy my work, consider upvoting and resteeming it. Would be obliged to you for that too. :)
Love and light,
Sharoon.
If this post interests you, you may also enjoy the following:
Why is it Okay to Be a Little Selfish, Focus on Your Needs and Communicate them to Loved Ones
A Collaborative Message To All Women: What Makes You Feel Beautiful? - #feelbeautiful Challenge #1
Batman & Jesus: Why do we fear debate?
A Letter to the Newbie Steemians
I am part of the wonderful @ecotrain which aims to make this world a better place.
A great story and my take on the term Looser is its not a bad thing I think at times we all win and we all loose is how we take loosing
If you go out and play a sport say and do your bets but the other team is Better on the day, sure by the score board you may be the loser, but if you played your best or at least had fun playing the game you are also a winner in my minds eye
That said I do feel some societies have gone to scared of hate word Looser and for such things as kids sport i have read there is no winner or looser as that is hard on the kids, I disagree with that, learning to loose wellis an important as learning to win well.
If the mentality could be for everyone that winning or loosing isnt as important as participating then perhaps children and indeed some adults may place a different perspective on the term loser
Losing is definitely not a bad thing at all. Like you said, it teaches us a lot of things and yes, you are right that teaching kids that there is no winner or loser isn't too healthy either. A couple of months back, I read a great post on how teaching kids that everyone is a winner and that there is no loser or winner makes them more vulnerable to heartaches and depression because when they don't learn to take a loss in a healthy way, they become too used to having it their way and the problem arises when they do go through actual and harsh losses such as heartaches, losing a job, financial struggles and so on. It is then when depression kicks in hard and they often succumb to it. So yeah, teaching kids how to accept a loss happily and use it to move towards a victory is very important. I had this talk with my husband last night too and he understood it. There have been a lot of unhealthy experiences in his life that made his nurture a judgmental attitude towards the word loss, but now he is willing to improve his take on it because he knows his attitude will influence his son in a biased way and he too does not want that.
Thank you so much Jay for stopping by and leaving this beautiful comment. :)
That’s great your hubby was able to listen think on it and adjust his way of thinking to many serm unable to do that these Days
Wow, really love this post! You are so right! When I was staying at an ashram in India, we learned an exercise called 'the world and my world'. The idea was, in situations where you've gotten upset, to separate the facts of the situation (the world) from your own interpretations (my world). Exactly like the example you give. Your son uses the word loser, is the fact. Then the association of a loser being someone who has low self esteem and fails in life would be our interpretation. I've used that exercise a lot to get a better understanding of my own interpretations, and how those interpretations cause my own suffering. It's a beautiful post and a beautiful topic, giving you my vote and my follow!!
Oh wow, love your comment and love the concept behind the 'the world and my world' exercise. This is a fantastic exercise to relieve your mind of undue stress and to understand how we let our world influence the world. Honestly, this is what I often do to calm myself and to get a better understanding of things and you just gave it a name. Thank you for that and for the lovely words. :)
You're right, attachments can make us really miserable. Wether it is material possessions, thoughts or words. To be in the now with an open mind is indeed the best thing that one can do.
Oh being in the present moment is just wonderful and so liberating!
I feel like sometimes attaching undue meaning to things is the way for us to try to make sense of the wold around us. We fill in gaps, in knowledge, understanding, perspective, by assigning our own orchestrated meanings to make more sense. But yes, on the one hand where it reduces the discomfort of not being able to understand or reach to answers, it creates further distress by leading us to incorrect and often misleading answers. Being able to separate the facts from our own perceptions of them, saves us from so much unnecessary over thinking and stress as you've mentioned.
Attaching undue meaning to things does help us make sense of the world but often that sense is a little distorted. At least, that's how it has been in my case. But I do accept that we are all different and how we perceive things is different too. So sometimes undue thinking does work for people.
We are taught the meaning of gifts as children ... like your son, if he saw everyone cry each time they received a gift, he would probably cry whenever he received one :) Its difficult as a parent to give the right lessons, but its those lessons that are the most valuable gift, its the gift that keeps on giving. Thanks for the mindful post and sharing your thoughts.
Oh wow, you taught me a lesson I didn't get from this story. Thank you for this and this is such a lovely lesson. :)
Oh I know what that is like, my brain does work overtime sometimes and what was a mole can quickly turn into a mountain if we allow it. I take a breath and focus on what really the issue is and try to not let my head run away with it.
We do give some words too much power, loser is such a perfect example, because if we kept wining we would never learn, we would never see any chance to do things differently and experiment. Losing more times than not leads to productivity., to the opportunity to try again and maybe approach things in a different way.
Great post as always, thank you @sharoonyasir xx
Yes, you are so right that losing does help us a lot because from what I have seen in life, your biggest losses often leads to your biggest wins and some of the people who are known as the most successful people in the world were able to achieve success after going through great losses. So losing isn't bad and too much winning can turn you into a swollen head too if you let that victory get to your head. Thanks for being here and leaving a wonderful comment like always. Means so much. big squishy hug
It's never hard to engage with you, your posts are always so honest and heartfelt. You really get my brain working in a great way. Keep up the great work and big hug right back at you.
Same here Aishlinn. Been such a pleasure to know you and read all of your posts every single time.
I really do agree with your statement here @sharoonyasir:
It truly is not a bad thing! In my life I've found that my biggest losing moments, and the ones that really did make me feel like a loser, actually lead to many winning* moments that truly made me feel on top of the world.
I also liked how you approached the situation with Faateh:
It's really true. If you prohibit a thought or feeling to be explored, it will only heighten the experience and ultimately lead to more of what you're trying to avoid.
We truly are the meaning makers of our life. So much of what we experience... all of it actually... has to do with the meaning we place on it.
The good news is that we define that meaning and we can always change that meaning. Thus, we can always change what life means to us and create the best meanings possible :)
Awesome post here @sharoonyasier. I really enjoyed it!
Speaking of adding meaning to things, I think you might find this recent post of mine valuable. I talk about how we often choose to not take action because we place such great meanings of power on our government, rather than realizing that we have great powers within us to create whatever it is that we truly desire.
Feel free to check it out here: True Life: My Country's Government Has Shut Down [Here's Why That Doesn't Matter]
Cheers!
~ @axios
We certainly are the meaning makers of our life- rightfully said. Thank you for enjoying this article. I am really happy to see you here and with the lovely comment you wrote. I have been enjoying your work too. :)
Thank you @sharoonyasir! :)
OH my goodness, yes. I definitely over think and over analyze often! It totally relaxed me just listening to you let go of it and let things be what they are without making them something they are not. So beneficial. Letting go of judgement is huge. Thanks, mama.
Hey supermama :)
So glad to see you here. Yes overthinking stuff comes naturally to a lot of us and it is this thing that often makes us super-stressed too. I am glad this article proved to be of good use to you. Lots of love for you!
YES YES YES AND YES! Thank you, because sometimes, don't you think you are the ONLY one stuck in this gray soup??? For me, it is continuing to pay attention to the moment...internal listening and kind observing - no need to add beating oneself up to the discomfort. Add me to Followers ;) and thank you.
Oh yes, sometimes it does feel that you are alone in the storm. And yes again, listening to your thoughts, paying attention to them and being kind towards yourself does calm you down. Thank you for all the appreciation. Certainly made my day :)
Nice story