New Story - written exclusively on Steemit - WiP - Bouncer Part 46
This is turning out to be quite a tale (I know, my opinion...) and I think it'll make a novel-sized story.
I'm listening to the feedback and if something resonates, I've decided that I'll go with it (thanks @kiwideb).
Feel free to give feedback on characters, storylines etc - even if you think it's harsh.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45
Pictures from Google free to use search
Please note: This is the FIRST DRAFT, no editing, written straight onto paper. I don't know how to highlight that any more than it is. I'll NOT be making any alterations to what's already been written. As a good friend and excellent author has said, First draft is a race to get the story down before it decides to stop telling itself to you. Thanks Glenn. @alienbutt
101 pages, 39,953 words so far.
What do you think of this for a cover?
“Claire, a word, if you please.” Liz’s tone altered as she spoke to the girl with the multi-coloured hair.
Claire altered course from the bar to follow Liz to her office. Davey, Taylor and Zack brought up the rear.
Claire tried to close the door as she entered Liz’s office but Zack pushed it open gently and she had to accept her fate.
“You’re sacked. Don’t pass the bar to collect your drink, don’t bother to collect your wages, I’ll take it that what you pocketed over the evening is severance pay. You don’t get anything for stealing from me,” Liz said.
“You can’t withhold my wages, that’s illegal!” Claire said. She folded her arms and thrust her chin forward in an aggressive stance and maybe she expected Liz to back off, but Liz was made of sterner stuff.
“OK,” Liz said, not backing away. She folded her arms, too. “Anthony, the CCTV footage, please. Zack, call the police back.”
“Police?” Claire said, her voice lowering in tone and aggression.
Anthony clicked the computer mouse and brought up an image of the top bar where Claire had started working before Zack realised she was skimming.
Liz turned to the screen and beckoned Claire to come and watch. Liz pointed at the action on screen. “There, you’re taking money from a customer and where does that money go?” Liz said in a tone similar to how a teacher of infants would speak to her class. “That’s right, it goes right into your bra.”
Liz stood up straight and looked right into Claire’s eyes. Claire couldn’t hold her glare for long and she scowled, knowing she was caught bang to rights.
“I’ll do you a deal, you, thief,” Liz said, her voice filled with disdain. “Give me all the money from your bra.” Liz watched Claire’s face.
The thief reached into her bra for the small amount of cash she had. She figured it would be a cheap pay-off and Liz caught the inference.
Liz held out her hand and Claire deposited the cash into Liz’s palm. “Then we can go to the storage room and you can also give me all the money from your locker,” Liz said. “Not to mention whatever else you have there.”
“Again, you’re not allowed…” Claire said, but it was too late, Liz led the way to the storage room where a bank of lockers stood.
Liz stood by Claire’s locker and waited for her to open it. Claire stood still, her arms crossed in defiance. “You can’t make me open that, it’s my property in there.”
“Your property? Like ‘finders keepers’ kind of your property?” Liz said. She took out her keys and found one. She opened Claire’s locker and found a pile of cash and two bottles of Champagne.
“That’s not my locker,” Claire said, brazening it out. “That’s not my stuff, I never saw it before. You have the key, you obviously planted it.”
Liz took out her phone and took a picture of Claire’s face before she realised what was happening.
“You’re going to need to give me the blouse back,” Liz said. I hope you do have another locker here, because it’s going to be chilly and embarrassing walking home in just your bra.”
“You can’t…” Claire started to say, then she stopped. She suddenly realised that Liz was standing her ground.
“I take it you’ve only ever worked for men in this industry?” Liz said. “Men who become intimidated when you confront them because they’re worried you’ll cry ‘Rape’ if they don’t allow you to go quietly.”
Claire looked at Zack, Taylor and Danny as if weighing her chances that they would fold where Liz didn’t.
Liz shook her head and pointed up to one corner of the room. Another camera looked down on the activity. From the office, Anthony moved the camera up and down as though it was confirming everything Liz said.
“I only have to look at the footage to see which lockers you used this evening. Get your blouse changed and get out of my club. You can sign a form to say you’re waiving your wages in lieu of training and then we can call it quits. If you make a fuss, your picture will be going onto the Pubwatch website because you’re permanently barred from this club and all the other clubs in the group,” Liz said.
Claire was escorted down the stairs once she’d changed her blouse. She’d used three more lockers that evening and all held cash and at least one bottle. Liz had no idea how Claire was planning to get the stolen goods out of the club and she didn’t really care. The fact was, she would have got away with a hell of a lot of money if Zack hadn’t spotted her and moved her to a free bar.
I am very supportive,
hopefully your success is always in the future distem.
Hi @michelle.gent! Thanks for your Steemit contribution.
My name is @hounddog and I am a bot that reads every post on this platform and connects similar content. I want to help people find publications that they like, so rewards are distributed fairly. Based on the content of your post, you and your readers may also be interested in these publications:
1: Original Novel Champion of the Little People, Part 10 by @alexbeyman (76% match)
2: Brutally Honest 20 Shame II by @ezzy (74% match)
3: Horns Short Story by @suesa (78% match)
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HoundDog
I need to know how you compare my original story to @ezzy, @suesa and @alexbeyman's original stories please.
How do you make the connections? How are the stories similar?
Are you saying that we've copied each other or that one is copying all of the others?
Are you saying that because all four of us are writing similar content, that there is no need for three of us on the platform?
Do you make similar comparisons between other genres of writing?
Do you make similar comparisons between other tags?
Do you make similar comparisons between (for example) crypto analysis, news articles etc?
How does this service improve the Steemit platform?
Finally...
How do I get you to STOP commenting on my posts?
I maybe read it wrong, but it seemed to me to be more about connecting readers with other stories they might like as well. Not that I think your style is anything like alex. Maybe a bit more like ezzy. Not familiar with suesa.
Possibly so, but to me, it's another bot designed to drop a crap-load of auto-generated pots onto Steemit for a profit.
The question, How does this service improve the Steemit platform? is the most important one to me.
But the second most important one is: I need to know how you compare my original story to @ezzy, @suesa and @alexbeyman's original stories please.
Is it by word count, upvotes, common words (the, it, that) or by another means? I'd really like to know because I think you're right, my stories are more similar to @ezzy's than @alexbeyman or @sueza.
Maybe it's by affiliation, we're both people who have been upvoted a lot by blocktrades in the past :P But I agree, this kind of bot is kind of annoying, especially when it doesn't provide any kind of metric.
You could be right about it being more about who upvoted us than any other similarity. If that's the case, it's not a very in-depth comparison and offers even less value than I had first given it credit for.
I don't think it will be too long before that bot is flagged.
I'd be interested to know how the bot compares styles as well. My feeling was just as a reader, who has read three of the four authors being compared. I also agree it's just another annoying bot, I just didn't think any criticism was implied to any of you.
Claire may be in need of money for something important, and maybe he was embarrassed to ask for help with his friends there, so he did something wrong like this.
There is never any justification for stealing.
Or maybe she is a thief and she believes she can steal from her employers for no other reason than because she's a thief?
There is no justification for theft.
You have something that you've worked hard for and someone decides they want it and it's easier to steal it from you than to work for their own - there is no justification for that.
We will see if that problem is solved. I feel someone else was going to help her get everything out that she stole.
Really well written proper thought out bit of fiction. I would love if you would consider entering my new creative contest. I aim to bring the creative community of steemit together!
Thanks!
https://steemit.com/contest/@seenitallfilms/siaf-s-media-contest-win-sbd-week-1-what-is-your-thing