New Story - again written exclusively on Steemit - WiP - Bouncer Part 16

in #writing6 years ago

I started a new story to share on Steemit. It's not my usual type of tale, but I decided it has legs so I'm going to let it run.

Meet Zack, my newest character. I hope you like him.

The first part was written a few weeks ago and since then, I've been mulling it over in my head where the story needs to go.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15,

Pictures from Google free to use search

Please note: This is the FIRST DRAFT, no editing, written straight onto paper. I don't know how to highlight that any more than it is. I'll NOT be making any alterations to what's already been written. As a good friend and excellent author has said, First draft is a race to get the story down before it decides to stop telling itself to you. Thanks Glenn. @alienbutt


By the end of the meeting and discussion, everyone was tired, or wired and raring to go. Some stayed to play pool ‘til the early hours, but Zack, Taylor and Joe left.

“Can I drop you anywhere?” Zack asked Joe.

“No thanks. My car is next to yours,” Joe said, pointing towards the only two cars left in the car park.

They neared the cars. Something didn’t quite look right and Zack was pleased they’d arrived in his junk-heap car, rather than Taylor’s pride and joy.

“Oh fuck, it looks like someone got the idea you’re working with us, Joe,” Taylor said.

All four tyres on both cars were flat. Zack wandered around his car, looking at the damage. Every panel on the bodywork had new damage, large, boot-shaped dents and at the front, a heavy-duty screwdriver had been jammed through the front grille to puncture the radiator and who knows what further damage.

Zack removed the screwdriver and held it up.

“Ha! Little do they realise, with this majestic screwdriver, they have compensated me for the loss of my car!” he said, holding the screwdriver aloft like a trophy. “I accept this as payment for the scrap-heap that used to be my chariot!”

“What the fuck are you on, brother?” Taylor said.

“I was just thinking the same thing,” Joe said, looking from one brother to the other with a bemused smile.

Zack lowered his ‘prize’. “Just making the best of things,” he said and shrugged. “Unless you have four spare tyres in your car, I think we’re going to be walking home.”

“Shanks’s pony it is then,” Joe said.

“I’ll get someone to pick it up in the morning, hopefully before the supermarket opens so I don’t get a ticket. What about you, Joe? Want me to get yours picked up, too?” Zack said.

Joe took out his mobile phone and pressed a couple of keys. He shook his head at Zack and waited for the other person to pick up.

He looked at the phone as it went to the answer machine and pressed redial. “Jake has a few friends in the business. If you give me your key, I’ll have him pick yours up too.”

Zack handed over the key, Joe took it and opened his car, putting Zack’s key in the glove box. The person he was ringing answered the phone and he told him what had happened. “You’ve got the key to my car, Zack’s key is in the glove box. Take them both, will you?”

He paused and listened to the other person.

“Yeah, and I think Zack’s car is a scrapper. See what you can get for it. Speak to you later.” Joe clicked his phone closed and put it in his pocket.

They set off walking through the deserted streets.

“Why is he called ‘Crackers’?” Taylor said.

Zack looked at Joe and Joe gave the slightest nod.

“Because his name is Caractacus,” Zack said.

“Fuck me! Some people just shouldn’t have kids,” Taylor said. “What a fucking awful name. No wonder he grew up to be a tough bastard.”

“Speak of the devil,” Joe said.

‘Crackers’ came around the corner in his car. Joe put up his hand as Crackers passed them. The car screeched to a halt, reversed back to the group and stopped. The window went down and Crackers said, “Car trouble?”

“You could say that,” Zack said.

Joe got in the front seat and the brothers got into the back and Crackers set off in the direction of ‘home’.

Crackers looked in the rear-view mirror and caught Taylor’s eye. He kept catching his eye and finally asked, “What is it, Taylor?”

Taylor coughed once. “I was wondering. Is it a traditional family name?”

Joe and Zack glanced at each other then set their eyesight directly ahead. Zack bit his bottom lip and Joe looked out of the side window.

“Family name?” Crackers said.

Then the penny dropped.

“For fuck’s sake!” he said, making Taylor jump in surprise at the outburst. “My fucking name is not Caractacus!” He glared at Joe who studiously and determinedly refused to look away from the passing scenery. His shoulders shook with silent laughter.

Crackers looked at Zack through the rear-view mirror.

“In our defence,” Zack said, hardly suppressing his own laughter. “We didn’t know you’d be just around the corner when we told him.”

“I should make you fucking walk home!” Crackers said. “I should take you miles away and drop you off in the middle of nowhere and make you walk home!”

They were all still laughing when Crackers dropped the brothers off at Taylor’s house.

“So what is his name?” Taylor asked when they got inside.

Zack couldn’t answer because he’d started laughing again.

Sort:  

You do realise that you will now have to tell us his name, don't you? Liking this story more and more. Great work, @michelle.gent!

What a lovely piece of literature. Lol, It's so humorous and pleasing. Taylor is rocking:)

Amazing dear.Thanks for sharing it

Great one @michelle.gent. Waiting for next parts.

               Resteemed!

great story......dear friend i read this post

wow!amazing story...i appreciate your creativity..I like your fiction...Thanks for sharing your writing story...carry on your life.best of luck.

Wao great story i like it

a very good post. regards

Wonderful your story

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