New Story - written exclusively on Steemit - WiP - Bouncer Part 47
This is turning out to be quite a tale (I know, my opinion...) and I think it'll make a novel-sized story.
I'm listening to the feedback and if something resonates, I've decided that I'll go with it (thanks @kiwideb).
Feel free to give feedback on characters, storylines etc - even if you think it's harsh.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46
Pictures from Google free to use search
Please note: This is the FIRST DRAFT, no editing, written straight onto paper. I don't know how to highlight that any more than it is. I'll NOT be making any alterations to what's already been written. As a good friend and excellent author has said, First draft is a race to get the story down before it decides to stop telling itself to you. Thanks Glenn. @alienbutt
101 pages, 39,953 words so far.
What do you think of this for a cover?
Zack used his favourite phrase for scumbags. “Off you fuck,” he said.
“You don’t know who you’re messing with,” Claire turned and said as Zack was closing the door.
Zack pushed hard on the door rather than pulling it closed. The force of the push slammed the door wide open, making Claire jump out of her skin and he moved toward her at speed. Up close, almost touching her nose with his, he scowled at her.
“Neither do you,” he said in a quiet, sinister tone. “These are Russians. They kill people for less money than you had in one locker. Just remember that, you fucking half-wit.”
Zack and Taylor went back up to the club. Taylor approached Liz and Zack took a bottle of water from the bar top.
“You’re off-duty now, Zack,” Viktor said at his elbow.
“Not until the lights are off, everyone is out, the alarms are set and the doors are locked, Mr Vasilyevich,” Zack said without looking around.
Viktor nodded. “And that is one of the reasons why I hired you. You are a rare breed, Zack. You are thorough and professional.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you know who that rainbow-haired thief was?”
“No and I’m not sure I want to know,” Zack said.
“I think you want to know,” Viktor said. His tone lowered and became more serious.
“I do?”
“Yes, she is the daughter of Mikhail’s wife’s brother.”
“He has a wife?”
“Very amusing, Zack, yes, he has a wife. It is because of his wife that he was able to purchase the nightclub he owns. Not because he had the right amount of money, but because he could exert the right amount of pressure on the previous owners.”
“And I just sacked her,” Zack said.
“Yes, you just sacked her. I have one more question,” Viktor said.
Zack nodded and took a swig of water.
“Knowing that, would you have treated her differently?”
Zack thought about his answer. The sides of his mouth turned down and he turned to look at Viktor. “No, Mr Vasilyevich, I would not have treated her any different if I had known she has connections.”
Viktor nodded again and walked towards his daughter. “And that is another reason I hired you, Zack.”
Zack and the door teams made sure the club was empty apart from the two overnight security guys and he locked up. He said goodnight to the members of staff that lingered and then he walked with Viktor to the car park.
Taylor and Liz walked behind, chatting and laughing and Zack was not surprised to see them both get into Liz’s car.
“I take it you don’t need a lift home with me, Taylor?” Zack said.
“Do you blame me?” Taylor said. “I’d rather go home with Liz than you, any day of the week!”
“Looks like I’ve been stood up,” Zack said and Viktor laughed. Zack waited while Viktor got into his car and drove off with his bodyguards and he went across to his own ‘new’ car.
Not much better than the Peugeot, he unlocked his BMW, got in and drove off.
The following morning, after a few scant hours of sleep for Liz and Taylor, they returned to the club. The town’s street-cleaners had been and gone. The litter had been swept up recently if the wet brush marks on the pavement were anything to go by.
“Morning you two!” Zack called from further down the street. He held packages of food and a tray of take-away coffees.
Anthony arrived a few minutes later and they sat at the still-dirty bar to eat their breakfasts.
“Don’t put the food down yet,” Liz said and wiped down a portion of the bar so they had somewhere clean to eat.
The answering machine light blinked on the phone and in the dark office it was the first thing they saw as they entered.
Liz pushed the button to play the message.
“Congratulations on the first night,” a voice said. “I would like you to reconsider your decision to sack Claire. She has told me about the events that occurred and she assures me it was a misunderstanding and she would like her job back.”
Liz looked at the phone for a few seconds and then to Taylor and Zack to see if they had any idea who the mystery caller was.
Anthony folded his arms and pursed his lips in distaste as he listened.
“Claire will arrive in time for her shift this evening. I hope you make the right decision where this matter is concerned.”
“Oh, we’ve made the right decision,” Liz said to the phone as the caller hung up,
Zack frowned. “That must be Mikhail’s brother-in-law by the sounds of it,” he said. “I think this could mean trouble.”
This is a great idea @michelle.gent. For the cover, I think it's a little dull. The colors don't really pop out and catch attention.
It is really starting to build. I can't wait to see what happens next.
This great post, I like your writing..carry on your creativity....upvote and resteemit
great great idea. i m trying to read all story.
special thanks for share.
i m new here and i hope you must help to grow me.
Thanks for sharing this photography is very nice post
Nice story, great post, thanks for sharing
Day by day its getting better and better... The situation is building up. Nice way of presenting words i would say.
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It flows quite well. Keep it up.
Very, very interesting...you just pulled me in. Nice mood in there.