June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Twenty Four: All People Are Ok, It's Their Actions That, Sometimes, Just Aren't
Hello and welcome to the twenty fourth day of the June 30 days writing challenge. If you want to know all the details about this specific challenge, have a look at the introductory post. In short, I will be posting every day a short tip, or technique, or opinion, something that you can call a "life hack". Feel free to join the challenge and post your own life hacks. I will do my best to upvote each day at full strength (about $3 at the current STEEM price) 3 posts tagged #challenge30days (leaving a link to your posts in the comments will also help).
It's Not "Who" The Person Is, But More Like How He/She Acts
It may seem strange to present this as a life hack, as it's more like a behavioral code, but, with a little exercise, incorporating this approach into your daily routine is possible. And the benefits are tremendous.
You see, one of our basic cognitive faculties is "labeling", or using a single word for a certain set of meanings, or shapes, or objects. We may look at a Prosche, a Ford, a Tesla or a Honda and, to all of us, they will all be "a car". Or we may look at an apple tree, a cherry tree or an avocado tree, and they will all be, before anything else, "a tree".
Putting things into boxes allows us to make sense of our surroundings very fast, and it really speeds up our decision making process.
But this comes at a cost.
Some stuff cannot be put into boxes. Like humans, for instance. We're the result of such a complex set of factors and our actions are influenced by a gazillion of reasons that we can simply cannot be put into a box. We're an ever changing, "all singing, all dancing crap of the Universe", to quote Chuck Palahniuk (the guy who wrote the book after which they made "Fight Club", if you don't know who the guy is).
At our core, we all want a single thing: to be happy. All people are yearning to be happy, but, given our different upbringing, current context and another few thousands factors, we may describe this "happiness" in very different words.
But deep down, all people are the same: they all want to be happy. Hence, they're all ok.
Their actions, on the other hand, are very often off, even within very short time frames. Now the person in front of you is calm and you're having a polite conversation, now he's triggered by some button you didn't even know you pushed with your remarks and the person becomes stiff, or maybe even violent. But it's the same person, you know. Only his actions changed.
Or, when a person displays a consistent set of actions, like being aggressive, for instance, we tend to label that person as being "violent". That person has a dominance of violence, but he's not inherently violent.
Separating the persons from his actions will make it impossible for you to think in terms of "that person is an idiot" and move to a more nuanced approach: "that person is ok, but he is really acting like an idiot now".
And probably the most consistent benefit of this is that you are now able to really feel compassion towards all people (because all are ok).
And, when their actions are not in sync with your core values, you may just feel compassion towards them from a distance. A long enough distance so their actions won't hurt you, but still compassion.
I'm really curious to read about your life hack today. Leave a comment with a link to your post, if possible.
Previous Posts In The Challenge
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Twenty Three: Thinking In Scenarios
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Twenty Second: Working Out Your Improvisation "Muscles"
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Twenty First: Decluttering - Set A Lifespan To Every Object You Own
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Twenty: Creativity - Go From A To B In 5 Mental "Fractures"
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Nineteen: Write A Short Story About Your Future Self
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Eighteen: Pop Out Balloons Fast
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Seventeen:Replace Re-Action With Action
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Sixteen:The 5 Minutes Meditation Box
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Fifteen: Create - And Maintain - A Morning Phrase
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Fourteen: Improve 1% Per Day
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Thirteen: Get Rid Of TV. For Good.
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Twelve: Save 10% Of Your Income - No. Matter. What.
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Eleven: Set - And Keep - A Monthly Personal Expense Budget
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Ten: Set A "Main Task" For Each Day
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hack - Day Nine: Keep A Journal
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hacks - Day Eight: Keep An Activity Log
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hacks - Day Seven: Implement A New Habit With A 30 Days Challenge
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hacks - Day Six: Put It In Front Of The Door
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hacks - Day Five: The Pomodoro Technique
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hacks - Day Four: Keep A Clear Mind By Unloading Ideas Immediately
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hacks - Day Three: Intermittent Fasting
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hacks - Day Two: The "2 Minutes" Time Management Rule
- June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hacks - Day One: Avoid Fighting With A Simple Visualization Technique
- Announcing The June 30 Days Writing Challenge - Life Hacks
I'm a serial entrepreneur, blogger and ultrarunner. You can find me mainly on my blog at Dragos Roua where I write about productivity, business, relationships and running. Here on Steemit you may stay updated by following me @dragosroua.
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You are right friend, We should not label or be labeled, because each person is a result of what they have lived, their experiences and is true your criterion of what it means to be good because if the inention is to be happy indicates our welfare state; it is only necessary that our actions align in harmony with our inner being.
It's pretty hard to stop labeling people around once you became a "professional", but not impossible for sure. Very often have I found myself in the situation of realizing that my thrown label was completely wrong and that I only saw the dust on a person's personality so I would consider your hack for today really a hack and not an easy one to master.
https://steemit.com/challenge30days/@acesontop/june-30-days-writing-challenge-life-hacks-day-twenty-four-plan-a-and-b
Have a great Sunday!
Our actions are aimed at the search for what we consider happiness ... Sometimes our actions can be considered "good" or "bad" depending on the approach of the one who evaluates us.
The title stuck to my thoughts even as I read you post:
Perhaps this holds more significance from the point of view of the observer. As the actions of the person in front of you are the first things that are going to effect you. For example a person could be violent by nature but in the particular moment he/she is in front of me, they show an act of kindness and thus their present action is all I know of them and thus in that moment they are are kind person to me.
People can not be judged so easily for any action they have done or what you have heard them say about it. Each individual has a way of thinking, acting and reflecting in a different way to another, not everyone reacts well or badly according to a case.
The reactions are hidden, we do not know in which part that button is, for a person to change from their normal state to depressive, angry, etc., but it does not mean that we should classify it because of that.
If we all wanted to be happy, we'd be better at it by now. It's like protecting the environment: few people will say they're opposed to it, but it's not priority #1. It's not what natural selection prepared us for.
Your advice is better than the labeling mentality, but you have to take into account that many people will knowingly sacrifice their happiness to something that gives their life meaning: their kids, their religion, their country, their power/business/money/status, maybe even their personality disorder or addiction that gives them an identity.
Great reflections! But here's the dilemma: if you believe every person has an ok side which is overshadowed by her actions, would you intervene to change her behavior, stay away to protect yourself or remove her from your entourage to protect all?
Your question isn't a one-size fits all answer @gadrian.
But, first layer, humans can't 'change' other humans. Only God can do that.
The mean vixen might be kind for a minute; but, without her choosing to operate in the Light of Jesus, she'll relapse.
Secondly, if your wife is this vixen, and she's not harming you or the kids, then you would do well to teach her what love is by example. Some people grow up in really dysfunctional families; and, they bring into their relationships all of that 'junk'...not because they're mean; but, it's how their parents showed love one to the other. She will have to grow into what genuine love is.
So, in this regard, the third layer is the most difficult one of all...LOVE even the unlovely things about a person... That's why the clergy adds 'for better, for worse' in the marriage vows...
As @dragosroua stated...a safe distance from those whose habits/lifestyles would be detrimental to the family unit.
Divorce is a personal thing between God and the spouses; thus, I wouldn't touch that conversation with a ten-foot pole.
@gadrian, I hope this helps.
Peace.
That's what I already wrote :)
It's very hard to "intervene to change one person's behavior". Because it's impossible to convince a person that he's dreaming, right from within the dream.
Yep, it would be strange to give a different answer, since I already quoted you on that. :)
I also believe change can only come from within, as textbook quote as it sounds.
No, they’re not @dragosroua …I smh as I state this….Perhaps, I should get a better understanding of how you define…ahem….o---k….
In reality, people are at the root, what they do. Why they do what they do is only a layer of their evilness.
In truth, some people are evil/wicked to the core. Quick correction: ALL people are evil/wicked to the core, just some more than others, depending on how aware they are that without Jesus they’d all be destined to the very real place called hell...I'm aware that different faiths have different approaches to how to avoid hell; but, to deny evil to the core is to deny hell.
People who harm children are not ok. The drunk who beats his wife is not ok. Nor is the drunk wife who beats her husband...Let's keep it real...
All of this is stated in all due respect for your work. Usually, I deem your writings among the best; therefore, let’s agree to disagree on this one.
Peace.
Hi @dragosroua I'm late and I want to start this writing challenge form today is it possible ???
Great content i really like this one