[Original Poetry] Runaway Rhymes: The Promise
This is my entry for @hopehuggs Runaway Rhymes competition.
The Promise
Ambient rays, I see them so clear
Pixelated dreams that I hold so dear
Could be recursive, I've thought this before
But those were the days before the last war
Reinstated longings that've been packed away
I promised them that I would return one day
And it's fitting that it's now that I make this return
Its only now that I believe I will learn
Like aging in tandem with a season long gone
A season that whispered its farewell song
But a new day has grown from yesterday's seeds
Out from the cracks that lay in between
Sensing completion my eyes do perceive
Let go of my wants and let go of my needs
The dark clouds of past longing are starting to shift
And the bitterness too that caused this long rift
A promise has echoed with the soul's travellings
And the bell that was struck continues to ring
A rainbow is shining like angels above
Hope is renewed through the vessels of love
This poetry is my own work, written for Steemit
Image Credit: Unsplash.com
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This was such an intimate piece. It really gives off a feeling of longing, as if it's a ballad meant for a long-awaited reunion. Ending on a hopeful note was a nice touch. It really accented that yearning desire that has purveyed throughout the entire poem. Amazing work, my friend! This was a real treat to read and to say out loud :D
It's certainly a portrayal of a journey of sorts, both internal and external. Growth, longing, renewal - this, and perhaps so much more. Feeling like a ballad is interesting, I like the thought of that. The positive ending is important, particularly in this poem. Indicative of the rainbow, the concept of renewal, and new hope.
I'm very glad that you like it. Once I started writing it just flowed, so it was obviously waiting and needing to come out!
Thanks for your comment :)
Oh yeah, I liked how you framed it that way. You need rain to get a rainbow, so that's a very good analogy. The journey is what really drove me to compare this to a ballad. Even though this is a poem, it really felt like a complete story. Hope really does shine in the ending :D
Ballads are still poems, I guess. Usually with music. But to me songs and poems are very similar. And I sometimes have a sort of rhythm in my head, especially for these more rhyming poems. But I'm happy to hear your thoughts, and how it feels to you. That's the most important thing for me, as a writer.
I'm exactly the same way! I know that poems are good when background music starts playing as I read them. The words come alive and kind of dance to the rhythm.
I also feel that feedback is one of the most crucial aspects in writing, that's why I'm so eager to provide my thoughts. It's just so fortunate that you return the favor, and we're able to bounce valuable feedback off each. I really do hope that it'll rub off on more people, and we could create a community that's bustling with honest (and hopefully encouraging) interaction :D
As the numbers here build, then so too will those who contribute in this manner. It would be great to have a thriving writers community here. Helping, encouraging, critiquing each other's work. Lets see what the future holds.
Excellent. I love it when a poem just flows onto the paper or screen. You have a great talent.
Thank you. I'm so glad to hear that you can appreciate this poem. Thanks for letting me know.
wow, that was excellent!
Thank you so much for your uplifting comment. I appreciate you reading it and letting me know your thoughts.