Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater - Is Major Bull...
First time I remember cheating I was around 4 years old. I saw an opportunity to cheat my younger brother out of our snack food and I took it. I played stupid about it - I realize he was completely unaware of me cheating him. It was completely unknown to him. A part of me recognized I was taking advantage of him but my desire overrode actually making a change in my outlook and final decision. I felt bad about it afterwards a built guilty and so I gave him some more of what was rightfully his...mostly to soothe my guilt that I was experiencing and to make myself seem less bad about the deliberate act of deception to feed my desire energy at the expand of standing equal and one here with my mate.
The point of reflection is an outflow from my previous blog, "Team Work Isn't About Keeping Score"
In this post I recognized the point within me where it was so strong especially within sport to win at all costs. And this win being a point of very strong desire. A desire energy. A thirst like experience of this yearning for. A total and complete energy possession. And very potent at that.
Within this recognition, I realized that my integrity and dignity has been in serious question. Where is the compassion and regard for myself and my fellow mates - equal and one. The point became more clear that my circle was small and there was no real allegiance to anyone but just more of a core group of us sticking together as teammates who are equal in being bullies and dominant like types towards others to get what we want.
I had brought up the point how within hockey and soccer it was such a common occurrence - every single game to be looking to see if the official was watching to see if I would be able to break the rules to create a dominant advantage for my favorable desired outcome. No regard or remorse in the moment - completely justified in my thinking of my action as even being noble and worthy of praise and glorification. That I would do such a thing would be celebrated and regarded as being smart, clever and intelligent.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for never ever even really considering to forgive myself for my earliest memories of myself being a cheater.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately cheat my younger brother out of our snack food when we were around about 2 and 4 years old.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself from that time forward when I first cheated my younger brother - to within myself to have made a self-compromise in my character as dignity and integrity - where I accepted a lesser version of myself - where I could be capable of less than credible actions - where I could become untrustworthy - where I could become unreliable - where I could separate myself from my fellow mate.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it's ok to be a cheater - that being a cheater is just how life works. It's all about competitive advantages and insider information and who you know.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself within the energy of desire.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not recognizing or understanding the possessiveness of desire.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cause mistreatment and disregard to my fellow mates as a result of thinking of only myself in playing out desire possession experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having never really questioned my earliest experiences of self-compromise.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having just kind of shrugged off my early child hood memories as things in the past and dust under the rug...whatever...kinda attitude.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having justified through avoidance the responsibility to investigate my earliest memories of self-compromise.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having judged others for cheating and defined myself as superior to these different beings who were exposed in one event or another as being cheaters in some way or another - and me thinking that's not me - I'm better than that. Not realizing nor understanding my image and likeness - suppressing my own past transgressions denying that I've equal and one been in that position and that I am no better than anyone and that one man's misfortune is every man's misfortune.
I realize that the process of introspection can be intense at moments as it can be a heavy experience to actually realize the extent to which I've been holding onto a pressure within myself - where I violated my own code -the law of my being as one and equal here. That being a very moment where it's like there was a disconnection from being 100% connected here. How many times do have I perpetuated moments of disconnection?
It becomes totally understandable that it will be a bit uncomfortable for like a moment or so in pulling up the past transgressions. Self-forgiveness is the permission to let go - it's permission to be for giving. It's to support and assist.
Holding ourselves in unconscious states of stress and strain from like since forever ago isn't a cool way to live.
When and as I see myself going into self-compromise where I am willing to compromise my integrity and dignity, I stop and breathe - I realize I'm all I got. I realize the regard for myself here. I realize I am my primary care taker. I realize it is my thoughts that form my actions and it is my actions that form my thoughts and so there's a real regard to always be here as accountable for both my thoughts and actions. The play is always in the moment - there's always a best play to be made - the best play made is never a cheat. I realize a cheat is an inferior play and player - one who cheats is coping with life because they don't really know how to play for real. I commit myself to playing for real - with dignity and integrity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cope with life because I didn't really know how to play for real.
I commit myself to really working my best plays.
To Be Continued
Let me know what you think - Have you any perspective and or support on this topic of investigation.?
For me this is a real eye opener into the extent in which our best response ability can be compromised within imprinted mind programming from years earlier.
My Body is precious and I've decided to care for it. Creating responsibility for my sculpture - my life.
@worldclassplayer
The World is One Class of Players - Class is Always in Session
CHEERS TO EXTRAORDINARY GAINS OF STRENGTH IN ALL WAYS POSSIBLE THROUGHOUT 2018
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Yes i agree with you its all depends on the sutiation.mean while iam waiting for your fitness posts sir hope they will be back soon.
ah cheers @Christian.danny
will do - it has been a bit
This reminds me of a debate I had with some friends. We had opposite opinions whether selfishness and jealousy in children are inborn or a consequence of the way they are treated. So I believe that the part of you that recognized you were taking advantage of your brother is the innate conscience.
I would like also to thank you for sharing your experience of introspection , personally I see it very inspiring.
thank you @alignment
the support is appreciated
You are much welcome :)
I think with age and experience you get a certain perspective about worthiness of a deed. I am not talking about good and bad but about how you feel about it inside.
I have cheated a few times in school exams. I think also cheated a few times in high school as well but I remember this one time during my undergrad days and I was solving this numerical during an exam. There was this particular step without which the whole numerical would fall apart and in the heat of exam I forgot and went ahead and solved it without this step. While finishing up I happen to see the answer on my neighbors sheet. The moment I saw it I knew the mistake I had made.
I wanted to resolve the question and get the right answer and I had the time left. I like to think that I didn't do it because it was the right thing. But I also know that I was tired and just wasn't all that interested in solving the problem because getting an A in this subject didn't really change my final grades all that much. But after this occassion I don't remember cheating in another exam.
Thats how the society thinks and they keep on saying "First impression is the best impresion" but as a humans we need to give second chance for the people.
yes - we all make mistakes
Perhaps look at it from a self-interest point of view. If you look as individual, cheating might be the optimal strategy, but you the social person who needs family, friends and generally allies in life and who doesn't want to be framed by others surely can't be a fan of cheating.
It's good that you look your behavior with your eyes open. As single person, you might find that the consequences of cheating might be irrelevant, but as human being living in a functioning society, you should probably try to change your habits.
Is this all that comes into your mind when thinking of "society"? What I understand as society is not this big and anonymous pond, but the small corner in which you are with your friends, family and co-workers. That is what matters.
Abstract entities and aggregated values always look big and intimidating, but what actual influence do they have on you and your life? I believe that is near to zero which is in big difference to what influence your friends, family and co-workers have on you - and what influence you have on them. That can be positive or negative. You choose.
You make some good points. I paused on replying to you as I was a bit reactive. This showcases to me I've been a bit unbalanced in my regard for the "micro" and the "macro"...I've been way more fixated and focused on the marco of the world and not enough in tune with the micro - In a way I've taken that which is closest to me the most for granted. Thank you for your comments - you've definitely induced some introspection upon me. Cheers and thanks.
Very nice post
This is an amazing story you have figured out what to do and what needs to be done.
This is more informative post
go to therapist, maybe