My Creative Journey 32 + Watch me Paint! Ep. 13

Last night really didn't go the way I wanted it to. I'm really starting to get sick of skulls...or maybe just sick of the way I've been drawing them recently. I feel like I've hit a kind of wall, which I understand will happen. It might be due to the energy I have to expend on my part time job that's keep me from moving forward as fast as I want, but that's the toll I have to pay at this stage.

I was an idiot and let myself sit for too long, so, as usual, a late start. Taking a night off again was tempting...but, I saw the danger in that. It's too easy to take one night, then a second night...a third...and suddenly there's a brick wall in what you're doing and you basically have to start again from the beginning. Not necessarily in skill, but in habits.

But, enough of the background noise of my life, let's turn up the volume on what I did. I preface this with a semi-frowny face :\

Definitely not my A-game, and I know it's gonna affect the number of views because it's not a super dope cover shot, hehe. But, it is what it is. I know what I did wrong...have been doing wrong, as of late. Focus...I haven't been focused...and I think you can tell when I've been focused and inside whatever I'm painting or drawing. The whole drop in energy from having to do a brain-draining job is likely to blame...which means I just have to get stronger to be able to break through that.

I also need to take more breaks. Not the stoned sitting on a couch doing nothing kinds, more the seeking inspiration and diving into life looking for those adventures that can fuel a piece. I've also fallen into the bad habit of thinking about the basics too much and not just doing and making up what I need to as I go. I haven't been like, 'this is the most difficult thing I can think of doing, let me try that! :)' for a while. That was a defining quality of my earlier work. Getting stuck in the trap of knowledge can be just as bad as being stuck in a trap of ignorance...sigh Nothing is ever simple with me, hehe.

I'm going to sum these up with, 'ugh.' I decided to pull out the postcard stock and give it a try, to warm up for the ones I want to send out. So, after having done what I felt was bad at the first skull, I continued on to these. I have to admit I even ripped one up and threw it away in frustration. It really sucked...but, you can't let that stop you. At moments of great frustration you can take one of several paths.

1. Give up...what most people do.
2. Take a break and come back to it. Takes a certain kind of mindset.
3. Break through the damn wall.

I took the third path. Sometimes I feel like it's a bad habit...trying until something finally works, but, it is who I am. If I took a break and came back...well, that really doesn't work well for me. I wanted to get through the frustration, because I knew where it came from. It came from a very simple, yet highly complex place. A desire to give something that people would like, and a fear that I wouldn't be able to do it. I know I'm good enough, otherwise people wouldn't follow my work, give me encouragement, send me money, and buy stuff. And, I know people will want it...if it make it good enough, which I know I am. Am I a genius artist...nope...just determined to become good at what I do.

Not my favorite work by a long shot, but I still think they came out pretty sold. I finally decided to pay attention and focus on what I was doing and let my inner me come out...in a way. This whole art thing is pretty new, so there are a lot of internal barriers I still need to break through. At my age it's going to take a crazy fucking effort to get to where I want to be. Had I started sooner before certain things had become almost concrete in my head it would have been different...but, we don't always get to choose when we want to take certain paths in life. I think I've talked about that before so I won't belabor the point.

I gotta say, I hate how the green acrylic I use worked on this paper. More and more things like that have become important to me. Brands, types of paper, the brushes I use...this shit is deep. I'm sure long term artists are all rolling their eyes at that statement...but, remember, I'm like a kid in a toy store right now. I can't even begin to think about what exactly I want with the amounts of information that is coming at me. Soon, hopefully. And, by soon I mean sometime in the next decade or so.

If you want to see me paint the green one, you're in luck, I caught a video of that one :)

Music: notforme!

I just want to say I don't hate my work as much as I may make it sound. I'm actually really proud of a lot of what I've done. I mean, I just started like 4 months ago, and that's a fact I need to remember every once in a while. My timeline for my current goals is short, due to financial restraints and requirements, but I get where I am.

One of the mistakes I made with photography was complacency. I let myself get lazy in some ways, and let other peoples issues become the crutch that allowed me to fuck up my own course. Now that I've taken all of the potential excuses out of the equation, I have no one to blame for failure but myself. Which is both an exciting and extremely scary prospect. I mess this path up and, well, shit...

Anyways, thanks so much for dropping by and checking out what I'm up to. This creative journey is a blast, even on the bad days, because I know where it's going. The universe has finally answered my call of, 'what the fuck?' and so even as I wade through oceans of doubt, I've got the confidence and hope. And, you should all pat yourself on the backs because you're helping :) Hope everyone has an amazing weekend! See you next post.

Wessel

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Previous posts:
My Creative Journey 31 + Watch me Draw! Ep. 7
My Creative Journey 30 + Watch me Paint! Ep. 12
My Creative Journey 29 + Watch me Draw! Ep. 06
My Creative Journey 28
My Creative Journey 27
My Creative Journey 26 + Watch me Paint! Ep. 11
My Creative Journey 25 + Watch me Draw! Ep. 05
My Creative Journey 24 + Watch me Draw! Ep. 04
My Creative Journey 23 + Watch me Paint! Ep. 010
My Creative Journey 22
My Creative Journey 21 + Watch me Paint! Ep. 09
My Creative Journey 20 + Watch me Draw! Ep. 03
My Creative Journey 19 + Watch me Draw! Ep. 02
My Creative Journey 18 + Watch me Draw! Ep. 01
My Creative Journey 17
My Creative Journey 16
My Creative Journey 15 PT 2 + Watch Me Paint! Ep. 08
My Creative Journey 14 + Watch Me Paint! Ep. 07
My Creative Journey 13 + Watch Me Paint! Ep. 06
My Creative Journey 12 + Watch Me Paint! Ep. 05
My Creative Journey 11 + Watch Me Paint! Ep. 04
My Creative Journey 10 + Watch Me Paint! Ep. 03
My creative journey 9
My creative journey 8
My creative journey 7
My creative journey 6
My creative journey 5
My creative journey 4
My creative journey 3
My creative journey 2
My creative journey 1

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