Filipino Jokes Translated for Western Tastes Part 35

in #funny5 years ago

Good day, my fellow Steemers and Whalesharers! This is the 35th part of my series post about local Filipino jokes which I have translated for people of the English language. Please check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31,32, 33, and 34. Please read and pick the ones you like best. Tell me in the comments section on why you liked it.

I think nobody in Steemit and Whaleshares has done this kind of post series before. So I took it upon myself to do it even if you think it might not be popular or profitable. I just wanted to be the first to do this kind of thing. It would be up to you to decide, my fellow readers, if I was successful or not.

There are still a lot more Filipino local jokes that we need to be translating. These jokes are the products of the Filipinos' creativity, ingenuity, and love of social drinking.

Read and enjoy!



Crazy

John went to the local mental hospital for a school assignment.

JOHN: Doctor, how do you know if the patient admitted in this hospital is really crazy?
DOCTOR: Easy. We fill a bath tub full of water. We then give the patient a spoon, a cup and a pail. And then we order the patient to remove/empty the bath tub of water. We'll see how he uses the three things we give him.
JOHN: Great! So a normal-headed guy would use the pail, right?
DOCTOR: Wrong! A normal guy would pull the bathtub drain stopper and quickly drain the water!


The ugly truth

Priest having a sermon in church.

PRIEST: Who wants to go to Heaven?

All of the audience raises their hands.

MYSTERIOUS MAN: That's not true! (Startling everyone)
PRIEST: How can you say that, my son? Everybody here wants to go to Heaven!
MYSTERIOUS MAN: (Pulls out 2 guns) Because I'm a crazy killer! Now who wants to go first to Heaven?!?


Panties

Image source

CHINESE VENDOR: (Yelling his wares) Panties for sale! Panties for sale! Buy them and I guarantee you won't get pregnant wearing them!
LADY: I'll take some! You are serious aren't you?
CHINESE VENDOR: Lady, I mean what I say! You won't get pregnant wearing them!

Three months later...

LADY: You tricked me! I still got pregnant while always using those panties!
CHINESE VENDOR: Lady, it is your fault you took them off when you need to!


In the bedroom

Meanwhile during the "honeymoon in the dark".

WIFE: Please, be gentle...You are so aggressive!
HUSBAND: Ugh, why are you so tight??? Wow, you must be a virgin!
WIFE: Idiot! Remove my stockings first!


The bus trip

Image source

Meanwhile in a passenger bus on a long trip.

PASSENGER: Mr. driver, can you pull over? I need to go the bathroom right now!
BUS DRIVER: That's just your imagination! Get back to your seat!

3 minutes later.

PASSENGER: Mr. driver, can you please pull over? I really need to go the bathroom right now! If you can't stop, I think I'll poop in the back of the bus!
BUS DRIVER: That's just your imagination! We can't stop now...We're near our destination! Get back to your seat!

After 5 minutes.

BUS DRIVER: What is that horrible smell?!?
PASSENGER: That's just your imagination! Get back to your driving!



Translated from Source: http://www.jokespinoy.com/


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