Filipino Jokes Translated for Western Tastes Part 4

This is the fourth part of my series post about Filipino jokes translated for Western audiences. Please check out Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 if you haven't read them already.

With all these foolish speculation and baseless anxiety about Steemit pervading around some of my fellow Steemers, it is best to remember this great positive quote:

"As long as you can laugh, you are not defeated."- Jack Vance

So just Enjoy and Steem On!!!

Dinner Date

LORNA: You know, my boyfriend took me to dinner in a big restaurant. There were plenty of food choices!
MARY: Wow, what’s the name of the big restaurant?
LORNA: FOOD COURT.

Failed

DAD: Why did you fail the exam?
JOHN: The MIND was absent.
DAD: You mean you can’t concentrate on your studies?
JOHN: No. James “the MIND” was absent during the exam. He was my seatmate and I can’t copy the answers without him!

Physical Traits

TEACHER: The awful truth about life, my child, is that most good-looking girls are DUMB and more often than not, the most INTELLIGENT girls are physically unattractive.
MARY: Thank you, for the life lesson, Ma’am...You are very, very INTELLIGENT!

Count It

1ST ROBBER: Yes!!! We are rich!
2ND ROBBER: Okay, count the stash!
1ST ROBBER: You know I’m weak at Math...Let’s wait for the Evening News to report how much we stole!

New Resident

WIFE: Honey, there’s gonna be three of us in this house!
HUSBAND: Really, honey? I’m going to be a daddy?
WIFE: Not yet. My mother is going to live with us!

Stabbed

JOHN: Buddy, I’ve been stabbed! I’m bleeding! Please, call me a doctor! Call me a doctor!
PETER: Okay, YOU'RE A DOCTOR! YOU ARE A DOCTOR, John!

The Proposal

DRUG ADDICT: I love you...Will you marry me?
PROSTITUTE: Yes! But, is it alright with you because of my PAST?
DRUG ADDICT: Its okay. I don’t have a FUTURE, either!

Prestige

JOHN: Even though I’m just a janitor, I got sons at Harvard, Yale and Princeton!
PETER: Wow, what courses did they take?
JOHN: : Nothing, they’re all janitors there!

Bypassed

A patient suddenly went inside a clinic.
PATIENT: Doc, you gotta help me...I have a weird feeling that people are ignoring me!
DOCTOR: Next!

Smart

FRANK: You know, my dog is so damn smart! I can command it to buy and fetch newspapers for me.
PAUL: I know.
FRANK: How did you know?
PAUL: My dog told me!

Art

CHILD: Mommy, mommy, look at my drawing!
MOMMY: Wow, you're good! That's the best drawing of a monkey I've ever seen!
CHILD: Mommy, its you!

Royalty

DAD: Bruno, is it true that in school they always smile at you and treat you with respect? What did they say?
BRUNO:"LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!"

Missing

A crazy guy called the mental institution on the phone...

CRAZY GUY: Hello, is Room 69 occupied?
NURSE: It is vacant, why?
CRAZY GUY:I just wanna check if I really did escape!
NURSE: Aha, I got you!

Suicide attempt

MAX: Buddy, why are you tying up your legs with rope?
JOHN: I'm going to commit suicide!
MAX: Why tie up your legs instead of your neck???
JOHN: I tried but I can't breathe!

Name calling

MOMMY: Why are you crying?
ALBERT: Big brother called me UGLY!
MOMMY: Is your little brother telling the truth, Johnny?
JOHNNY: That UGLY little kid is lying, Mom!

My Big Thanks to all and please Upvote so more will come!

---

Source: http://www.pinoyfailblog.com/2013/10/100-best-pinoy-jokes-of-all-time-51-60.html

Image Sources: Google Images for noncommercial use and Pixabay

---

Follow Me as @darthnava: "Search your feelings for Steemit; you know it to be true!"