Filipino Jokes Translated for Western Tastes

darthnava (71)in #philippines • 8 years ago

We Filipinos are a humorous lot. Filipinos love to tell jokes during break times, parties, during gossip on the street, drinking sessions, wherever and whenever there are things to talk about under the sun. Even our current President is somewhat of a joker!

These are some of the Filipino jokes I have remembered, heard, talked about, read, and laughed at over the years since I was in high school . I have to translate some words and names just to cater to western audiences and some may not even be funny to western ears when in English. They are best discussed in Filipino for the humorous impact. Maybe I could do a part 2 and more if this works out.

Shorty

Benny: Damn, Why are you so short?
Danny: I was an orphan as a child.
Benny: I don't get it.
Danny: Hello? Nobody RAISED ME UP!

The Locked Window

WIFE: Hello, please quickly send some MAINTENANCE personnel. My husband is trying to jump off the window! Hurry!
HOTEL ADMIN: Ma'am, we should call 911!
WIFE: Damn it, I need the maintenance personnel to open the locked windows! They won't open!

Do You Wanna Dance?

A handsome boy approached a lonely girl sitting in a corner during a party.

BOY: Aren't you going to dance?
GIRL: (happily stood up and beamed) Oh, yes I will!
BOY: Thank God! I'm tired. Can I sit in your place?

Basketball

DAD: Hey, Bruno! As your father, I command you to stop being gay and effeminate.
SON: Don't worry, Dad. I'm going to the basketball court now.
DAD: That's it! Basketball is a man's game.
SON: Mom, have you seen my pompoms???

The Debt

LADY: Is your mother at home?
JOHN: Why? What's this about?
LADY: It is about her debt...
JOHN: I'm sorry. She went to the provinces yesterday to visit her relatives.
LADY: I meant I am going to pay for her debt!
JOHN: Oh, she just arrived this morning!

The Sleep Look

PETER: Hey, Buddy. Why are you staring long at the mirror with your eyes closed?
JOHN: Shhh! I Just wanna take a look at what my face would look like when I'm sleeping.

Why Wear if Small...

TINA: Honey, please buy me a new bra.
JOHN: There's no need for that. Your breasts are too small anyway.
TINA: Oh yeah? Then why the hell are you wearing briefs then???

The Alarm Clock

JOHN: At last! I woke up early because of my alarm clock.
PETER: Why? Was the previous one broken?
JOHN: No, my wife threw it at me while I was still sleeping and the pain woke me up!

Secret Name

A killer takes a couple hostage.

KILLER: Your name, Ma'am?
WIFE: Please, don't kill me. It's Mary.
KILLER: Your name is the same as my mom's. I won't kill you. And you, Sir?
HUSBAND: John...but my friends call me Mary.

Wrong Room

PETER: (Showing his displeasure at the bellboy) I maybe an ignorant country yokel but I do not deserve this tiny room without any bed or windows!
BELLBOY: Sir, we are still on the elevator.

Source: http://www.pinoyfailblog.com/2013/10/100-best-pinoy-jokes-of-all-time.html

Image Sources: Wikipedia.org and Google Images for noncommercial use

Follow me as @darthnava: “I find your lack of faith in Steem disturbing.”