Filipino Jokes Translated for Western Tastes Part 2
This is the 2nd part of my post at https://steemit.com/philippines/@darthnava/filipino-jokes-translated-for-western-tastes. Please check that out if you haven't read it yet.
I have translated some words and changed localized Filipino names of these jokes just to cater to Western audiences and some may not even be funny to Western ears when in English. These jokes are best discussed in Filipino for the humorous impact. Part 3 is coming ASAP (I still have my main job to attend to) if this works out fine.
Eternal Sleep
WIFE: Honey, my terminal illness is killing me slowly. ..Please, hold me till I won't wake up.
JOHN: Good! At least you get to sleep forever while I have to wake up damn early for work!
War Heroes
Three drunk friends were discussing their grandfathers' World War 2 exploits during a drinking session.
PETER: My gramps killed a hundred Jap soldiers during the war before he was killed!
MAX: That's nothing! My grand pa killed 500 Japanese soldiers before he took the bullet!
JOHN: My grand pappy was the best! He only killed only two soldiers but they were your grandfathers!
Crazy Thoughts
Meanwhile in a mental institution...
DOCTOR: Are you thinking about your family?
MENTAL PATIENT: Of course! They are still on my mind.
DOCTOR: (Excited that his patient is improving) Oh? Where's your family then?
MENTAL PATIENT: Hello? They are still on my mind, you idiot!
Forbidden
MOTHER: I forbid you from seeing that guy! Nothing good will ever happen between you and him!
DAUGHTER: Oh yeah? How come something great happened between us last night?
Resemblance
JOHN: Whenever I bring every one of my girlfriends home to meet my family, my mom doesn't like them.
PETER: Easy! You bring home a girl that resembles your mom.
JOHN: I tried! But my father doesn't like those kind of girls!
Test Scores
JOHNNY: Mom, I was the only one who got a series of 90's during tests!
MOM: Wow, that's my smart boy! How much did your classmates get?
JOHNNY: All of them got 100%!
Inconsiderate
JOHN: You know, I don't like to see a woman standing up on the bus while I'm sitting down.
PETER: So you offer them your seat?
JOHN: No, I just go to sleep!
About Hygiene
JOHN: Hiya, Doc! I was your patient LAST YEAR!
DOC: Oh, right, I forgot! Is there a problem?
JOHN: : I would like to ask you if it is now okay to take a bath!
Liquor effect
BARTENDER: Sir, Each time you gulp a full glass of whiskey, you look at your wife's picture. Why?
JOHN: I have to check if I can still drink some more. If she looks pretty, then that mean's I'm already drunk!
The Cashy Look
JOHNNY: People tell me that I look like George Washington when facing front and I look like Thomas Jefferson when facing sideways! Do I look heroic?
DAD: That means your always thinking about money, you idiot!
Hot Phone
PETER: Good heavens! What happened to your ears?
JOHN: I was preparing to iron my clothes when the phone nearby rang. I picked up the clothes iron by mistake and got burnt!
PETER: Why both ears?
JOHN: The phone rang again!
Unusual Tattoo
BRUNO: Dad, I got a tattoo on my chest!
DAD: Wow, that's manly! Is that an eagle or a dragon?
BRUNO: It's a cat.
DAD: That is unusual...what kind of cat?
BRUNO: Oh, its Hello Kitty!
DISTURBED
PETER: Hey, buddy, I noticed you always keep talking to yourself! Are you okay?
JOHN: Of course, I am okay. I'm not RESPONDING OR ANSWERING THEM!
With the Beauties
JOHN: Last night, I dreamed that I was with the 85 contestants of the Miss Universe Pageant!
PETER: Wow, buddy, you hit the jackpot!
JOHN: Yes, I won that contest!
Source: http://www.pinoyfailblog.com/2013/10/100-best-pinoy-jokes-of-all-time-11-20.html
Image Sources: Pixabay and Google Images for noncommercial use
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I can't believe a lot of those translated very well! I was afraid that some would be too culture-specific. Man, that brings me back to my childhood. Thanks for sharing this to the world.
Thanks, I had to spend several minutes probing my brain for each joke to come out in English well.