How I edit my own work - Plus a story to read too - 20

in #writing3 years ago (edited)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19

If you'd like to read the story in the edited format rather than comparing the 'before and after' versions, feel free to just read the left hand side version.

Images from Wiki, Google (free to use) and Pixabay



Original text

As soon as he arrived in Court, he was surprised and angered that the Queen refused to see him. He was more angered when he was arrested and placed under confinement for disobedience.

For eight months Robert languished under the sentence given by the special council and because he was banished from Court and deprived of his office, upon his release, he planned a coup to oust the enemy party that the Queen had surrounded herself with. Robert Devereux, the Lord Essex planned to replace the ruling party with his own and therefore force the Queen to alter her mind about him.

In order to achieve this end, Robert negotiated with James VI of Scotland but failed in the attempt to ally with the King.

Because Robert had had some success in Cadiz, he was still thought of as a Hero and had a small following of supporters, these were the ones that he made the attempt of a Coup with, hoping to draw the support of the whole of London as he did so.

It was apparent that someone had pre-empted Robert’s plan and the Queen’s government seemed to be prepared for the coup. Robert Devereux was arrested.

Elizabeth was not at the trial and she was told of the verdict and asked to sign the death warrant.

At first she hesitated and asked that she be left alone to consider her options. Katherine was at her side as she did this and as soon as they were alone, Elizabeth spoke to Katherine. “It would appear that you were correct in your assessment of Essex.”

“I am afraid it would seem so, your Majesty.”

“I realise that you would not wish hurt or harm to come to me.”

“Never in your life, your Majesty, for I love you as my dearest friend.”

“And yet, still it hurts.” Elizabeth said as one solitary tear spilled from her eyelid. “I had loved him and had considered his request of marriage. I see now that all he wants is power and position and he would have used me to get it.”

“As he did with me, your Majesty.”

“I once made a speech, a very rousing speech, it mentioned that I have the heart and stomach of an English monarch but today, my heart does not soar with eagles. My heart Katherine, is broken, for I have here the means to fulfil your request, the promise that I made to you all those years ago, when I was but a child and you were my only friend. I did not think then that the promise would ever be called upon; much less cause me so much unreserved agony. I did not know that I could love any man as much as I did Essex. I shall sign the warrant for his death but I shall never love again.”

Elizabeth signed Robert Devereux’s death warrant and turned her head away from Katherine. With sadness and utter despondency, Katherine left Elizabeth’s side. She did not return until the day of the execution and she ensured that she was out of sight of Elizabeth as she did not wish to cause her any more hurt.

Edited text

Robert arrived in Court and was surprised and angered that the Queen refused to see him. He was more angered when he was arrested and placed under confinement for disobedience.

For eight months Robert languished under the sentence handed down by the special council. He was banished from Court and deprived of his office.

Upon his release, he petulantly planned a coup to oust the enemy party that the Queen had surrounded herself with.

Robert Devereux, the Lord Essex planned to replace the ruling party with his own, and therefore force the Queen to alter her mind about him.

In order to achieve this end, Robert negotiated with James VI of Scotland but failed in the attempt to ally with the King.

Because Robert had had some success in Cadiz, he was still thought of as a Hero and had a small following of supporters, these were the ones with whom he made the attempt of a Coup, hoping to draw the support of the whole of London.

Whether the attempt failed because of counter intelligence, o because the Queen’s popularity was so high among her subjects is open for debate of course.

It was apparent that someone had pre-empted Robert’s plan and the Queen’s government was well-prepared for the coup. Robert Devereux was arrested.

Elizabeth refused to attend the trial. She was told of the verdict and asked to sign the death warrant.

At first she hesitated and asked that she be left alone to consider her options.

Katherine stood by her side as she contemplated and as soon as they were alone, Elizabeth spoke to Katherine.

“It would appear that you were correct in your assessment of Essex.”

Katherine had the empathy to bow her head in recognition of the Queen’s deep grief. “I am afraid it would seem so, your Majesty.”

“I realise that you would not wish hurt or harm to come to me.” Elizabeth looked deep into Katherine’s eyes, searching for the truth.

“Never in your life, your Majesty, for I love you as my dearest friend.”

“And yet, still it hurts.” Elizabeth said as one solitary tear spilled from her lashes. “I did love him. And I had sincerely considered his request of marriage. I see now that all he wants is power and position and he would have used me to get it.”

“As he did with me, your Majesty.”

“I once made a speech, a very rousing speech. It mentioned that I have the heart and stomach of an English monarch. But today, my heart does not soar with eagles. My heart Katherine, is broken into pieces. I have here, the means to fulfil your request,” Elizabeth sais and held up a parchment to show Katherine.

“The promise I made to you all those years ago, when I was but a child and you were my only friend. I did not think then that the promise would ever be called upon; much less cause me so much unreserved agony. I did not know that I could love any man as much as I did Essex. I shall sign the warrant for his death but I shall never love again.”

Elizabeth signed Robert Devereux’s death warrant and turned her head away from Katherine. With sadness and utter despondency, Katherine left Elizabeth’s side.

She did not return until the day of the execution and she ensured that she was out of sight of Elizabeth as she did not wish to cause her any more hurt.

Sort:  

It's interesting how you edit. When I edit mine sometimes the whole thing changes.

Ah, that's not necessarily an edit, that's more of a re-write.

Great post & cool story Work!
Thanks for sharing and steem on :)

Well, in this case it seems it was mostly a reorganization of the narrative. Cutting paragraphs into smaller bites, making it easier to read. I'll keep an eye on this series to see if I can learn something! Also, I like historical fiction, which makes it all the more pleasurable.

Keep on writing! Upvoted.

Sometimes, that's exactly what it is, reorganising.

The cutting of paragraphs happens only for posting on Steemit.com - when it's put back into book format, it will be closed back up.

I've found opening up the text helps a great deal on this platform.

Thank you. Appreciated!

Interesting post i enjoyed reading it

amazing, great post..
thanks for sharing this post....

This post is very nice So, I think education can be earned from here, so that it is well educated The unemployed society earns well. Video post will earn well. Become unemployed and work hard. Use this command to earn 100% legal good. Earn well with your command and earn good money.