How I edit my own work - Plus a story to read too - 13
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12,
If you'd like to read the story in the edited format rather than comparing the 'before and after' versions, feel free to just read the left hand side version.
Images from Google (free to use) and Pixabay
I wrote this story hot on the heels of Deadlier Than The Male because I was never confident that my first book's success wasn't some sort of fluke.
Re-reading this, I'm still not convinced I didn't just get lucky with my Werewolf story.
Daughters of Le Fey has been put away and not touched, certainly not added to, for six or seven years. My mother-in-law read it (or as much of it as I've written) and she has always encouraged me to continue with it.
I've had the plot rattling around in my head for the past seven years and I know where it's going but I can't get it out of my head yet.
I'm sincerely hoping that, like Ash's story, because I'm working on it every day, it will start to get a life of its own again and I'll be able to progress.
I'm not there yet, I still have some editing to go, and I'm using this editing process to refresh my memory on where the story came from and hopefully that will help in forming where it's going to go.
I think, because it's set at a more gentle pace, I'm having trouble with describing the people and their actions. I'm used to action-driven storylines. I may yet have to rip it apart and start again...
Today I've re-worked the final piece of yesterday's work. It was a little confusing and therefore, it had to be clearer. Thank you @bashadow, much appreciated.
“My sister’s followers thought I had been part of a plot to oppose her. A rebellion that included plans for my marriage has been discovered and prevented. Although he who raised the rebellion has been sent to his death and he declared most emphatically - so I am told - that I am innocent and a loyal subject of the Queen."
"That, with the obvious lack of evidence against me has saved me from execution; I am nevertheless, imprisoned here, in this dire place, surrounded by a hundred guards. I carve, therefore:
‘Much suspected by me,
Nothing proved can be.’
“Katherine, talk to me. Kat is not here, she is not allowed to visit me. There is no room hardly at all for my servants; even my accountant has to take rooms in the town. I am not permitted any visitor unsupervised, which is why your presence here was so alarming. Explain to me what you are about and why I remember my childhood friend exactly as you stand here, having grown no older and dressing no differently. I remember too, that you only ever spoke to me, and only when we were alone. It is puzzling to me.”
And so Katherine explained how she had been murdered and that she was not a person of this world, but a spirit.
“I had not wanted to tell you this, Elizabeth; I did not wish to frighten you.”
“You do not frighten me, Katherine, but I am filled with wonderment. I had often suspected there are more than us mere mortals in this vale of tears. I am grateful to you for showing me I was right and for your friendship when I was lonely.”
“But I come to ask of you a favour, Elizabeth. I must find my husband and I must have him killed.”
“And it is I that must kill him?” Elizabeth asked, with a sigh.
Katherine nodded.
“Leave me, spirit, I have much to contemplate. Find your betrayer and return to me when you are able.”
Katherine wanted to say more, but Elizabeth turned her back.
Katherine returned once more, a few years later, to be a silent observer at Elizabeth’s sister’s funeral. She watched the ceremony and smiled with sympathy at the loss of Elizabeth’s freedom in sacrifice for her country.
Elizabeth saw the smile and returned it with a wry smile of her own and Katherine knew that Elizabeth had agreed to help her. Katharine waved a farewell to her young friend and disappeared to find the man she must have Elizabeth kill.
Chapter 3
Forests drifted beneath her as she made her way through this spirit world that was still very new and overwhelming to her. She could not help herself but take time to look at all the glorious, yet strangely hazy and sometimes near transparent scenery below her. Often Katherine would drop to the forest floor and take in the splendour of the roof made of leaves spreading above, sunlight dappled in patches on the floor and around her.
Then she would remember why she was in this spirit world and try desperately to make herself make contact with other spirits – for she realised that she could indeed communicate with them and needed information from them if she were to find the spirits that protected the incarnation of her murderer husband. Yet she was still wary and unsure of herself she knew that spirits not sympathetic to her would betray her to Dominic’s guardians and she drifted through this new world in a state of constant unease.
Katherine was learning which objects were solid and which were insubstantial. It did not always follow that the less transparent an object the more solid it was. Katherine had to feel with her mind rather than her hands. It was an excellent way of enhancing her skills; she was learning to hone her spiritual abilities without realising. As she got more proficient, she tested herself by closing her eyes and wandering around in the forest. More than once she bumped her nose on the bark of a tree, and when opening her eyes found it to be transparent, and so she taught herself to recognise other attributes of these types of tree.
As she grew more able to bend her mind into the shapes of trees and plants, she also had a notion of how she could make something for herself which would be familiar and comforting when she had to return to this place. She passed her time producing the meadow and woodland and a stream in which to dip her toes as she sat upon the bank.
“My sister’s followers believed I had been part of a plot to oppose her. A rebellion that included plans for my marriage has been discovered and prevented. Although he who raised the rebellion has been sent to his death, he declared most emphatically - so I am told - that I am innocent and a loyal subject of the Queen.”
The girl looked up from her diligent carving in the wood of the windowsill she leaned on and leaned back to show Katherine her work.
Deep in the wood, in exquisite, delicate writing, Katherine saw words that made no sense to her.
Elizabeth spoke again. “That, with the obvious lack of evidence against me has saved me from execution; I am nevertheless, imprisoned here, in this dire place, surrounded by a hundred guards. I carve, therefore,”
‘Much suspected by me,
Nothing proved can be.’
Elizabeth put down the knife with which she used to carve her melancholic prose.
“Katherine, talk to me. Kat is not here, she is not allowed to visit me. There is no room hardly at all for my servants; even my accountant has to take rooms in the town. I am not permitted any visitor unsupervised, which is why your presence here was so alarming. And why, at first, I believed that you had come to murder me.”
Katherine put her hand to her throat as she realised how terrified the girl must have been and yet she had not shown her terror.
“Explain to me what you are about and why I remember my childhood friend exactly as you stand here, having grown no older, and dressing no differently. I remember too, that you only ever spoke to me, and only when we were alone. It is puzzling to me.”
And so, Katherine took Elizabeth by the hand and led her to a seat where she explained how she had been murdered and that she was not a person of this world, but a spirit.
“I had not wanted to tell you this, Elizabeth; I did not wish to frighten you.”
“You do not frighten me, Katherine, but I am filled with wonderment. I had often suspected there are more than us mere mortals in this vale of tears. I am grateful to you for showing me I was right and for your friendship when I was a lonely child.”
“But I come to ask of you a favour, Elizabeth. I must find my husband and I must have him killed.”
“And it is I that must kill him?” Elizabeth asked, with a sigh.
Katherine nodded.
Elizabeth stood and turned her back on Katherine. “Leave me, spirit, I have much to contemplate. Find your betrayer and return to me when you are able. I shall decide when I have thought more about this.”
Katherine wanted to say more, but Elizabeth shook her head as though she realised, but refused to allow it.
Katherine returned once more to comfort her friend. She stood at Elizabeth’s side as a silent observer at her sister’s funeral. She watched the ceremony and smiled with sympathy at the freedom Elizabeth would forego in sacrifice for her country.
Elizabeth saw the smile and returned it with a wry smile of her own and Katherine knew that Elizabeth had agreed to help her. Katharine waved a farewell to her young friend and disappeared to find the man she must have Elizabeth kill.
Chapter 3
Forests passed beneath her as she made her way over the spirit world that was still very new and overwhelming to her.
She could not help but become distracted and take time to look at all the glorious, yet strangely hazy and sometimes near-transparent scenery below her. Katherine dropped to the forest floor and took in the splendour of the roof made of leaves spreading above, sunlight dappled in patches on the floor and around her.
She became part of the forest and often didn’t realise how very long she stood gazing at the wonders around her.
Then she would remember why she was in the spirit world and would try desperately to pluck up courage to make contact with other spirits – for she realised that she could communicate with them and needed information from them if she were to find the spirits that protected the incarnation of her murderer husband.
Yet she was still wary and unsure of herself. Spirits unsympathetic to her plight could betray her to Dominic’s guardians; those who thought to make a profit from the situation would betray her without a second thought, and she drifted through the spirit state in constant unease.
Katherine began to learn which objects were solid and which were insubstantial. It did not always follow that the less transparent an object, the more solid it was. Katherine had to feel with her mind rather than her hands.
It was an excellent way of enhancing her skills; she learned to hone her spiritual abilities without realising. As she got more proficient, she tested herself by closing her eyes and wandering around in the forest.
More than once, she bumped her nose on the bark of a tree, and when opening her eyes found it to be transparent, and so she taught herself to recognise other attributes of those types of tree.
As she grew more able to bend her mind into the shapes of trees and plants, she also had a notion of how she could make something for herself which would be familiar and comforting when she had to return. She passed her time producing the meadow and woodland and a stream in which to dip her toes as she sat upon the bank.
It didn’t escape her notice that she first created the little clearing where she had once given herself to Dominic.
Katherine shook her head in anger and the clearing wiped from the surface of the world. Katherine gaped at the destruction she had wrought.
I love the fact you have the originals and the edited version it gives us with disabilities with writing such as dyslexia or other disorders a visual.. it helps so much to see the comparisons...thank you...upvoted and resteemed.
I really like that little addition, it makes the previous description of the forest come more alive, more visible to the mind.
A fantastic way to show us her progression in the realm of magic. A fantastic addition. I can see her standing there jaw agape staring at what she had unknowingly done. Great scene, and great addition to fill in even more of the character and the magic.
Wow - I love the fact you get such interaction - have you any advice from a newbie on here...thanks
Yes. Do this Steemit.com thing like you would a normal blog. Write good content, preferably your own, but if you do find interesting articles elsewhere, cite your sources and offer your own opinions on the article if you post it here.
Keep going, ignore the payouts and most of all, enjoy it, make friends, make connections and upvote things you like.
Pretty soon, you'll have a following and you'll be connected with lots of people, you'll have enjoyed your work, you'll have a great deal to look back on and you may even have earned some Steem.
Good Luck!
Thank you so much for your advice - it is terrifying to begin with as it is very open. cheers Jillian
You're welcome.
Yes, it is very open... the exact opposite to a personal blog, I suppose.
Things start to get more comfortable as you make a few friends and visit blogs, getting to know the neighbourhood. There are a few neighbours that seem best to avoid, but just do your own thing, and you'll fit right in and get invited to a few parties... sooner or later :)
Katherine hs learned much with more to learn. Interesting relationship with Elizabeth...
Yes... I have much more to learn too! LOL
It was nice to go through your post @michelle.gent. very creative writing.
It's all about great work @michelle.gent .. Follow-ReSteem and Upvote.
Hey @toffer - yeah, it is all about finding good content and following, upvoting, resteeming etc, but... can you please take that flashing thing off my post?
I've checked you out and you've been here 10 days. You're posting some good blogs, informative and helpful and that's the reason I flagged TEMPORARILY this to get it off my page. I don't like it I'm afraid. Take it away and I'll unflag you.
It's eye-catching, but it's also too distracting - use it on your blog by all means, but please, not on mine.
hello @michelle.gent hes my friend he's only been here in 10days. pls can you considered it. hes just a newbie here. you can warn him withouth flagging him.
@cleverbot
What's the cleverbot about?
Hey @ruah, I know :)
The flag will be removed. I had to do something about the flashing thing though. I honestly couldn't stand it.
Ask him to edit that flashing thing off my wall and the flag will disappear and I'll probably follow him because he posts useful stuff.
I had to get rid of it because I need to come back and reply to comments and the flashing kept me away.
done telling him to remove gif. maybe a few munites he will be done removing it.
Thank you! Flag gone, I'm just about to follow him.
Okay.
u do ur work very minutely making that precise.. its appreciable.. keep going ahead:)
Just part 11 and 12 click able anyway Good work
Nice work @michelle.gent, how you do these editorial things, you take help from any applications?
How can I write in two-part page just like you did here?
I do these editorial things as a job. I'm an editor and proofreader (freelance) for a small publishing company. I use my experience and my brain, no apps. I also use Word and Adobe InDesign for writing and formatting the books (still learning that).
The two column thing is from this post: @steemitguide
thank you for that guide.
Prof reading and photo editing become more handy than before.
Yes, if I don't have the pic (or I can't steal it from my husband) I used Google's free to use images. You have to go to Tools and select Image rights Labelled for use .