How I edit my own work - Plus a story to read too - 6
If you'd like to read the story in the edited format rather than comparing the 'before and after' versions, feel free to just read the left hand side version.
Images from Google (free to use) and Pixabay
I wrote this story hot on the heels of Deadlier Than The Male because I was never confident that my first book's success wasn't some sort of fluke.
Re-reading this, I'm still not convinced I didn't just get lucky with my Werewolf story.
Daughters of Le Fey has been put away and not touched, certainly not added to, for six or seven years. My mother-in-law read it (or as much of it as I've written) and she has always encouraged me to continue with it.
I've had the plot rattling around in my head for the past seven years and I know where it's going but I can't get it out of my head yet.
I'm sincerely hoping that, like Ash's story, because I'm working on it every day, it will start to get a life of its own again and I'll be able to progress.
I'm not there yet, I still have some editing to go, and I'm using this editing process to refresh my memory on where the story came from and hopefully that will help in forming where it's going to go.
I think, because it's set at a more gentle pace, I'm having trouble with describing the people and their actions. I'm used to action-driven storylines. I may yet have to rip it apart and start again...
Six years after their first meeting, Katherine again stood on the bank of the stream far away in time and distance from where she had bathed her hand that morning, the morning she had met Dominic. The early summer breeze blew her straight red hair across her eyes, but she did not move it.
Trying to invoke a vision, she concentrated in desperation, her brow wrinkling with her efforts.
Her hazel eyes screwed up, almost closed, her whole body rigid and her one good hand clenched in a fist. The image she invoked was not of this world but it was indistinct, vague and with no substance to it.
She felt strong arms envelop her waist from behind and she broke from her attempt, distracted.
“I tried, Dominic, I really did.”
“I know you did Katherine, you have been trying to regain your gift for all the time you have been practicing my art.” He sounded sympathetic and loving to Katherine. He was the first man to have shown her any fondness and since her mother had gone, she appreciated the warmth it afforded her.
She nestled into his embrace, folding her left hand over both of his, her right hand by her side as usual.
“Today then?” she asked.
“Yes. Today.” Dominic nodded; she felt the movement of his head as he held her.
She sighed, turned to break his hold, took his right hand in her left and followed him to the clearing.
A circle of willows defined the clearing. An almost complete ox-bow lake on the side closest to the stream was represented on the other side of the clearing by the remains of a massive oak, the stump of which had been sawn to make a flat surface, a sturdy table.
“You blessed the area at dawn as I instructed?” Dominic asked.
“I did, my Master.” Katherine replied, bowing her head.
He nodded. “Very good, I have performed my ceremonies. We shall begin soon.”
They waited in silence. After a little while, she became aware of someone else in the clearing. The figure, stooped and old, swathed in a light coloured cloak had seemed to appear from a direction that Katherine was sure was impassable. The figure beckoned to Dominic and Katherine.
An ancient voice radiated from the hood of the cloak:
“Greetings to you, son and daughter.” The woman’s voice was old and creaky but they heard it clear enough to answer together and Katherine realised this ancient one was female.
“Greetings to you, Mother.”
“Do you agree to abide by the Ancient’s Laws which worship and celebrate the Goddess; the Maiden, the Mother and the Hag above all other deities?”
They again replied as one: “I have followed the Goddess throughout Her seasons.”
The hooded one nodded and replied: “I will perform the appropriate ceremonies to join you both under Her protection.”
As the hooded one ended the ceremonies, a cow appeared on the edge of the clearing from the same direction that Katherine had thought the figure had come. It stood, waiting.
“Peace up to Heaven. Heaven down to Earth. Earth under Heaven. Strength in Every One. Wisdom and Strength.” The Priestess blessed the newlywed couple. Then as Katherine turned to Dominic, out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw her melt into the shape of a bird, but she did not concentrate on it for too long because Dominic took her chin in a tender touch and pulled her to face him.
Over his shoulder, she saw a woman on the opposite bank of the stream, washing some sort of cloth in the currents. She gasped as she recognised her dead mother but the gasp broke the enchantment and the vision of her mother’s form collapsed into the mist swirling about the forest floor.
Eight years after their first meeting, Katherine stood on the bank of a stream, far away in both time and distance from where she had bathed her hand that morning, the morning she had met Dominic.
The early summer breeze blew her straight red hair across her eyes, but she did not move it. She didn’t see it, Katherine stood outside her body, inducing a trance.
Trying to invoke a vision, she concentrated in desperation; brow wrinkling with the effort.
Her hazel eyes screwed up, almost closed, her body rigid and her one good hand clenched in a fist. The image she invoked was not of this world and it was indistinct, vague, without substance.
Strong arms enveloped her waist from behind and it broke her concentration; the image lost.
“I tried, Dominic, I really did.” She sighed and shrank into herself.
“I know you did Katherine, His words sounded sympathetic and loving. He was the only man to show her any fondness and she appreciated the warmth it afforded her.
She nestled into his embrace, folding her left hand over both of his, her right hand by her side as usual.
“Today then?” she asked.
“Yes. Today.” Dominic nodded; she felt the movement of his head as he held her.
She sighed again, turned to break his hold, took his right hand in her left and followed him to the clearing.
A circle of willows defined the clearing. An almost complete ox-bow lake on the side closest to the stream was represented on the other side of the clearing by the remains of a massive oak, the stump of which had been sawn to make a flat surface, a sturdy table.
“You blessed the area at dawn as I instructed?” Dominic asked.
“I did, my Master,” Katherine replied, bowing her head.
He nodded. “Very good. I have performed my ceremonies. We shall begin soon.”
They waited in silence. After a little while, she became aware of someone else in the clearing. The figure, stooped and old, swathed in a light-coloured cloak seemed to appear from a direction that Katherine was sure was impassable. The figure beckoned to Dominic and Katherine.
An ancient voice radiated from the hood of the cloak. “Greetings to you, son and daughter.”
The woman’s voice sounded old and creaky but they heard it clear enough to answer together.
“Greetings to you, Mother.”
“Do you agree to abide by the Ancient’s Laws which worship and celebrate the Goddess; the Maiden, the Mother and the Hag above all other deities?”
They again replied as one: “I have followed the Goddess throughout Her seasons.”
The hooded one nodded. “I will perform the appropriate ceremonies to join you both under Her protection.”
As the hooded one ended the ceremonies, a cow appeared on the edge of the clearing from the same direction that Katherine had thought the figure had come. It stood, waiting.
“Peace up to Heaven. Heaven down to Earth. Earth under Heaven. Strength in Every One. Wisdom and Strength.”
The Priestess blessed the newlywed couple. Then as Katherine turned to Dominic, out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw her melt into the shape of a bird, but she did not concentrate on it for too long because Dominic took her chin in a tender touch and pulled her to face him.
Then, over his shoulder, she saw a woman on the opposite bank of the stream, washing some sort of cloth in the currents. She gasped as she recognised her dead mother but the gasp broke the enchantment and the vision of her mother’s form collapsed into the mist swirling about the forest floor.
The kernel wises a physical wren. Great post. ... following you my friend. Stay connected and follow me
as well :-) See you around
@lovingvanadium
Beautiful, l like you @michelle.gent,
Wow i sure learnt alot from this
New editing skills thank you @michelle.gent i must confess the edited version was better.
Thank you! I'm not quite sure whether my tutorials work or not, so your comment helps :)
I thought she was going to lose her hand, glad that she did not. happy that she is in a nice relationship, and now with seeing her mother, maybe she does not need to lose the hand, as it seems her vision is returning after the wedding.
edit:Sorry got wrapped in the story. Very subtle edits, not a lot added, not a lot taken away, but enough to make it flow more easily.
Thank you... I've noticed you've now seen the next part of the story... sorry... :D