How I edit my own work - Plus a story to read too - 10
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
If you'd like to read the story in the edited format rather than comparing the 'before and after' versions, feel free to just read the left hand side version.
Images from Google (free to use) and Pixabay
I wrote this story hot on the heels of Deadlier Than The Male because I was never confident that my first book's success wasn't some sort of fluke.
Re-reading this, I'm still not convinced I didn't just get lucky with my Werewolf story.
Daughters of Le Fey has been put away and not touched, certainly not added to, for six or seven years. My mother-in-law read it (or as much of it as I've written) and she has always encouraged me to continue with it.
I've had the plot rattling around in my head for the past seven years and I know where it's going but I can't get it out of my head yet.
I'm sincerely hoping that, like Ash's story, because I'm working on it every day, it will start to get a life of its own again and I'll be able to progress.
I'm not there yet, I still have some editing to go, and I'm using this editing process to refresh my memory on where the story came from and hopefully that will help in forming where it's going to go.
I think, because it's set at a more gentle pace, I'm having trouble with describing the people and their actions. I'm used to action-driven storylines. I may yet have to rip it apart and start again...
Today I learned that an info-dump in the form of speech can work, but not if you put a great chunk in. There has to be something to break it all up and keep the reader's mind active and thinking about what they are reading.
I've interspersed the talking with a bit of movement again, plus a little more detail.
As they travelled, Morgana gave more advice.
“Follow him.” She pointed down to the earth where Dominic was riding in a convoy of merchants and mercenaries. “Watch him and know him. To defeat him once will be difficult enough, but he has made pacts with powerful and evil spirits who have made promises in exchange for his soul. To barter for such a high value, they must have offered more than we can imagine. The second time you defeat him, he will be forewarned. The final time, he will respond with the desperation that comes from knowing his last chance is at hand, he will fight hard to keep his soul from those demons.”
“He looks different, what has changed?”
“The time we spent in the other realm is not relative to the time that has passed in the world of man. Time has passed quickly here; your treacherous husband has already lived more than two lifetimes. His power is coming to him faster now; he is learning how to use it and how to amplify it. You must find your image soon and ask her to help you defeat him.”
“How must we kill him?”
“By any means at her disposal. You cannot interfere with your chosen one’s task, just as I cannot interfere with your task. I do suggest you choose your image as a Hag, for the first attack as she will be less strong and will need any advantage you can supply her with. Better to save your younger images for when he will be expecting attack and will also be stronger.”
Morgana let go of Katherine’s hand and turned to face her daughter.
“Know also this. You must find where he has laid your mortal remains and remember it. Visit the place often for over centuries the landscape will alter. You will not realise the passage of time and I cannot help you often, my daughter. I can only protect you from a distance, over on the other side – my side - of the veil."
"In the void between the worlds the spirits may try to harm you. You must stay here in the world of man - on this side, the spirits cannot harm you, but they can warn him and your image occurs infrequently. On the other side, that empty world, they may try to harm you, and even when you have succeeded, his spirit may be given leave for vengeance.”
“But is it not in the interest of the spirits to allow him to be defeated and die so they can gain full possession of him and his soul?”
“Oh my darling, you are right in one way, but he will also have assurances that their bargain will be kept. Although the soul of a man is valuable, the soul of a man that can live forever is most valuable. If those demons possess the soul of your husband, they shall have something which is increasing in value as he continues to live. They want that soul and that is why you are in danger for you threaten it. And whilst an eternity in limbo is not an ideal situation, it will be preferable to eternity as slave to demons. He will use his talisman – your hand – to aid him in his quest for immortality and until he achieves that goal, he will be safe from their grasp. They on the other hand will try to aid him to realize it as quickly as possible, for the sooner he succeeds, the sooner they may take possession of the immortal soul and use it to open the barrier which prevents them spilling out into the world of man.”
“How will I send him to the demons then, if they protect him until their bargain is kept, my task will be impossible.”
“There is a fine line in agreements between my world and this. Knowing when the spirits have fulfilled a pact and destroying him before he achieves his goal is the reason you must know him better than he knows himself. He will not be satisfied when he should be, like all mortal men, he wants just a little bit more. Before he attains that little bit more, but after the spirits have given him everything he needs, that is when he is vulnerable.”
“Before I leave you, you must also know that you have an aim to reach too. You must have your image carry out the burial ceremony upon your earthly remains – in their entirety. If you defeat your treacherous husband but in the process, destroy your hand, you will remain in limbo, in that other world. You will be destined to drift neither in this world or mine, unable to contact spirit or mortal. A wraith for eternity and if you still do not realise why you cannot settle for eternal peace, know this, spirits can go insane also - eventually.”
Katherine thought for a few moments and realised what that implied - complete isolation forever.
As they travelled, Morgana instructed her daughter, giving her the tools to protect herself.
“Follow him,” she said and pointed down to the earth where Dominic rode in a convoy of merchants and mercenaries.
“Watch him and know him.” Morgana shook her head as Katherine started to protest.
“But, do I not know him? I have lived with him for…”
“No, you knew the man he wanted you to see. You never saw the real evil that resides in his soul. He tricked you into believing he was a beneficent being and he most certainly is not.”
Katherine looked down at the man she married and she concentrated, studying him.
“To defeat him once will be difficult enough, but he has made pacts with powerful and evil spirits who have made promises in exchange for his soul. To barter for such a high value, they must have offered more than we can imagine. The second time you defeat him, he will be forewarned. The final time, he will respond with the desperation that comes from knowing his last chance is at hand, he will fight hard to keep his soul from those demons.”
“He looks different, what has changed?”
“The time we spent in the other realm is not relative to the time that has passed in the world of man. Time has passed quickly here; your treacherous husband has already lived more than two lifetimes. His power is coming to him faster now; he is learning how to use it and how to amplify it. You must find your image soon and ask her to help you defeat him.”
“How must we kill him?”
“By any means at her disposal. You cannot interfere with your chosen one’s task, just as I cannot interfere with your task. I do suggest you choose your image as a Hag for the first attack. She will be less strong and will need any advantage you can supply her with. Better to save your younger images for when he will be expecting attack and will also be stronger.”
Morgana let go of Katherine’s hand and turned to face her daughter. Katherine didn’t realise that she didn’t need her mother to help her travel and that lesson had been learned without her realising she was being taught.
“Know also this. You must find where he has placed your mortal remains and remember it. Visit the place often, for over centuries, the landscape will alter. You will not realise the passage of time and I cannot help you often, my daughter. I can only protect you from a distance, over on the other side – my side - of the veil.”
“I understand.”
“In the void between the worlds, the spirits may try to harm you. You must stay here in the world of man - on this side, the spirits cannot harm you, but they can warn him and your image occurs infrequently. On the other side, that empty world, they may try to harm you, and especially when you have succeeded, his spirit may be given leave for vengeance before it is reincarnated.”
“But is it not in the interest of the spirits to allow him to be defeated and die so they can gain full possession of him and his soul?”
“Oh my darling, you are right in one way, but he will also have assurances that their bargain will be kept. Although the soul of a man is valuable, the soul of a man that can live forever is most valuable. If those demons possess the soul of your husband, they shall have something which is increasing in value as he continues to live.” Morgana pointed to the convoy again.
Katherine looked and concentrated. She found that she could see something different about Dominic – different to the others surrounding him. He had a presence about him, swirling and weaving around him and his aura. She took in a sharp breath and Morgana smiled as she watched her daughter learning things she was not permitted to teach.
“You see them.” It was not a question. “They want that soul and that is why you are in danger, for you threaten it. And whilst an eternity in limbo is not an ideal situation, it is preferable to eternity as slave to demons. He will use his talisman – your hand – to aid him in his quest for immortality and until he achieves that goal, he will be safe from their grasp. They, on the other hand, will try to aid him to realize it as quickly as possible, for the sooner he succeeds, the sooner they may take possession of the immortal soul and use it to open the barrier which prevents them spilling out into the world of man.”
“How will I send him to the demons then, if they protect him until their bargain is kept, my task will be impossible.”
“There is a fine line in agreements between my world and this. Knowing when the spirits have fulfilled a pact and destroying him before he achieves his goal is the reason you must know him better than he knows himself. He will not be satisfied when he should be, like mortal men, he wants just a little bit more. Before he attains that little bit more, but after the spirits have given him everything he needs, that is when he is vulnerable.”
Katherine nodded and watched her husband ride.
“Before I leave you, you must also know that you have an aim to reach too. You must have your image carry out the burial ceremony upon your earthly remains – in their entirety. If you defeat your treacherous husband, but in the process, destroy your hand, you will remain in limbo, in that other world. You will be destined to drift neither in this world nor mine, unable to contact spirit or mortal. A wraith for eternity, and if you still do not realise why you cannot settle for eternal peace, know this, spirits can go insane also - eventually.”
Katherine thought for a few moments and realised what that implied - complete isolation forever.
Oh boy.
This post took me two hours to prepare. That's not counting the time it took to write (but because I wrote it ages ago, that's done and dusted now).
The trite, banal and therefore FLAGGED comments below show nothing but absolute disrespect for my work and that's why they've all got flagged.
Thank you to everyone that comes and reads, enjoys and comments on my writing. You guys make it a pleasure.
Please note: I'll not follow you JUST because you followed me. I put a lot of work into my posts and until you do the same, feel free to read and enjoy, but do NOT expect an automatic follow - earn it!
@michelle.gent, you do authors and readers a huge service with these posts, thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience with us. I'm sure there are many writers (like me) who gain valuable insight from your efforts in the actual writing of stories - from plotting, setting and characterization, which carries on into our own work. Learning from someone who has been there and works so hard to create good stories and posts is something I hugely appreciate. Thank you! xox
Thank you so much. You've been there the whole journey through and your up-beat, enthusiasm and honest critique have been a pleasure to receive - especially since I KNOW you'd not hold back if something was off with my writing.
That's what writers need, whether they admit it or not, they (we) need HONEST and sometimes brutal critique.
Thank you xx
Always xoxox
Editing is pretty amazing, I know it is longer, and I read both sides, and I am still amazed by adding just a few words here, and a few words there, a little bit of movement even just a head shake or nod, can make it so much more not only readable, but pleasurable. Thank you I see now that she is going to be stuck, and have to work through her "images", I am guessing that means people that look like her, or will look like her, or look like what she would have looked like. I think. I will see, because I will continue to read where you take the story.
I'm so pleased you're still enjoying the story. I'm more pleased that you read both sides. Thank you for indulging me :)
Thank you for your comments. Sometimes, yours is the only 'real' comment in a sea of 'follow me' and 'great post!' banality :)
That's extremely interesting, reading both raw and edited works. I've never really looked at authoring like that. My dad wrote all his works on an old fashioned typewriter, so editing was - literally - binning a page and reworking it.
The effort, especially if the changes required were a ways back from where he'd got to, could lead to a lot of waste paper!
In his last year or so of life he started using a Mac, and learned fast and well, but never - i think - really grasped how much could be done. He still, basically, binned and rewrote. I personally find this - your - method very good. If i ever write the couple of stories i have in my head, i'll borrow it, if i may.
I think I'd still like to help you get your dad's stuff back on the shelves. Even if it's only advising you how to do this - you're clever enough, you'll pick it up.
I'm still not quite sure how I do it all... that's why this method is the easiest way for me - how it was, how it is now.
I also think it wouldn't be fair to show someone else's book going through the editing process 'live' like this, so it's perfect that I wrote this a while ago.
I remember typing on a manual typewriter! It's so much easier on the computer now - much less "binning of paper", and so much faster, lol.
Save the trees! Buy a 'pooter! ;)
Great Post!
what a wonderful photography
I'm sorry... did I put this writing post in the photography tag by mistake?
One of the more interesting threads i have read on Steemit till now. Thanks for this.
Editing the original text has changed the face of it. Even though the edited text is longer, it flows so naturally that it feels easier to read and digest.
The breaking down of the text into smaller paragraphs was the most interesting thing i felt. Smaller paragraphs are much easier to read, especially on the screen/ web. Reading lengthy paras is no problem when reading a physical book. Also, the fact that we are constantly bombarded with content on social media which has minimal text and high on imagery has further reduced our capacity to concentrate for any decent length of time. Apparently Trump isn't the only one who likes to have images interspersed in his briefings!
Yes, I have to admit, a lot of this is placing spaces to make it a more 'eye-friendly' read for the net.
I've also learned a lot about writing and editing since I first wrote this story.
Thank you for your comment :)
There are so many interesting things to note. I read well.
c'est ok mon ami @bakabou159704
we'll follow one another@shaikatkm
great post dear, thanks for your information . this post got upvote from http://steemit.com/@lighttheworld.
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