How I edit my own work - Plus a story to read too - 9
If you'd like to read the story in the edited format rather than comparing the 'before and after' versions, feel free to just read the left hand side version.
Images from Google (free to use) and Pixabay
I wrote this story hot on the heels of Deadlier Than The Male because I was never confident that my first book's success wasn't some sort of fluke.
Re-reading this, I'm still not convinced I didn't just get lucky with my Werewolf story.
Daughters of Le Fey has been put away and not touched, certainly not added to, for six or seven years. My mother-in-law read it (or as much of it as I've written) and she has always encouraged me to continue with it.
I've had the plot rattling around in my head for the past seven years and I know where it's going but I can't get it out of my head yet.
I'm sincerely hoping that, like Ash's story, because I'm working on it every day, it will start to get a life of its own again and I'll be able to progress.
I'm not there yet, I still have some editing to go, and I'm using this editing process to refresh my memory on where the story came from and hopefully that will help in forming where it's going to go.
I think, because it's set at a more gentle pace, I'm having trouble with describing the people and their actions. I'm used to action-driven storylines. I may yet have to rip it apart and start again...
Today I learned that an info-dump in the form of speech can work, but not if you put a great chunk in. There has to be something to break it all up and keep the reader's mind active and thinking about what they are reading.
I've interspersed the talking with a bit of movement too.
“But, Morgana – Mother, can I not stay here with you? It is peaceful here, I am dead to the world of man, I have no more pain, and I can rest easy.”
“You do not understand.” Morgana looked saddened. “Mystic laws bind me. I am allowed to venture into this realm only for a short time - you are trapped here. You have leave to venture to the world of man or here only. You are never allowed to my realm and that is what I want you to fight for. Your peace for all eternity relies upon your entry into my realm. I am not only your mother, I am your Goddess, but I am the Goddess of countless other women too. I cannot concentrate on you alone; it is selfish of you to ask that of me. I must protect all generations of women, the Hags, the Mothers, the Maidens and those who have yet to become. Strive to be with me, my daughter. I miss you.”
“Help me.”
“I will, but you cannot ask me to do this for you, for I cannot. I cannot venture into the world of man except under special circumstances where you ask for me, or desperately need me, but even then, those times are limited and therefore precious. I do not know what limits are set and so I have no advice on how often you may call upon me. I only know that you must be in dire need of my aid, for if you can solve the dilemma yourself and you ask for me to assist, that is a chance wasted. I also know that your husband made you dependant upon his guidance and so you are under the impression that you have little or no worth and you are powerless. You are none of those. You have great power but you must discover it and increase it for yourself. You have great worth and again, that is something that you must realise for yourself and you are also brave beyond measure, though you may feel cowardly, you are not. You have allowed Dominic to trick you into believing that you cannot exist without him – you can and you must and above all else, you must know this before you can defeat him. You have a great many lessons to learn but you are not completely alone. He has also done you a service which he did not realise. He taught you my craft and you can use that and progress – you are on the cusp of becoming a most powerful witch. He taught you all he knew about my craft, but he did not teach you all there is to know. Discover how to harness the power of Mother Earth and you shall find that defeating him is so much easier. Discover the satisfaction in victory and you will want to defeat him again and again. Yes there will be sorrow and agony and defeat for you will give more pain than it does to him – at first, but his third defeat will give the greatest satisfaction. You can do this daughter, you have the strength and I believe in you.”
Katherine was silent for a few moments, thinking all of what her mother had told her and then another problem came to her mind. “I do not know how to travel between these two worlds, how will I learn?”
“Together then.” Morgana held out her hand and took Katherine’s ethereal right hand – a ghostly part of a ghost, but Katherine felt her mother’s touch and the pull as she left the halfway world of emptiness and nothingness.
“But, Morgana – Mother, can I not stay here with you? It is peaceful here, I am dead to the world of man, I have no more pain, and I can rest easy.” Katherine sighed and looked to the ground.
“You do not understand.” Morgana’s eyes brimmed with tears for her daughter as she lifted Katherine’s chin to look her in the eye. “Mystic laws bind me. I am allowed to venture into this realm only for a short time - you are trapped here. You have leave to venture to the world of man or here and only these places. You are never allowed to my realm and that is what I want you to fight for.”
She took hold of her daughter’s hand in both of hers. “Your peace for all eternity relies upon your entry into my realm. I am not only your mother, I am your Goddess, but I am the Goddess of countless other women too. I cannot concentrate on you alone; it is selfish of you to ask that of me. I must protect all generations of women, the Hags, the Mothers, the Maidens and those who have yet to be. Strive to be with me, my daughter. I miss you.”
“Help me.”
“I will do that, of course I will, but you cannot ask me to do this for you, for I cannot. I cannot venture into the world of man except under special circumstances where you ask for me, or desperately need me. Even then, those times are limited and therefore precious. I do not know what limits are set and so I have no advice on how often you may call upon me. I only know that you must be in dire need of my aid, for if you can solve the dilemma yourself and you ask for me to assist, that is a chance wasted.”
“I also know that your husband made you dependant upon him for everything: guidance sustenance and self-worth, and so you are under the impression that you have little or no value and you are powerless. You are none of those. You have great power but you must discover it and increase it for yourself. You have great worth and again, that is something that you must realise for yourself and you are also brave beyond measure, though you may feel cowardly, you are not.”
Morgana wandered the little clearing, fists clenched at her sides. Though she looked fierce, her words, as ever, were calm and serene, if Katherine could not hear, she would have believed Morgana was giving a speech to rally troops to war.
“You have allowed Dominic to trick you into believing that you cannot exist without him – you can and you must and above all else, you must know this before you can defeat him. You have a great many lessons to learn but you are not completely alone. He has also done you a service which he did not realise.”
Katherine listened hard. She knew Morgana spoke wisdom and Katherine had just a short time to learn it.
“He taught you my craft and you can use that and progress – you are on the cusp of becoming a powerful witch. He taught you all he knew about my craft, but he did not teach you all there is to know. Discover how to harness the power of Mother Earth and you shall find that defeating him is so much easier. Discover the satisfaction in victory and you will want to defeat him again and again. Yes, there will be sorrow and agony and defeat, for you will feel more pain than you give to him – at first. His third defeat will give the greatest satisfaction. You can do this daughter, you have the strength and I believe in you.”
Katherine stood in silence for a few moments, thinking all of what her mother had told her. Then another problem came to her mind. “I do not know how to travel between these two worlds, how will I learn?”
“Together then.”
Morgana held out her hand and took Katherine’s ethereal right hand – a ghostly part of a ghost, but Katherine felt her mother’s touch and the pull as she left the halfway world of emptiness and nothingness.
@michelle.gent. Nice story. But i have a question. Does ghost really exist? Let me put more light to the question; when people die do they really come back probably to hunt the one that killed them in case the person was assassinated?. Or is there anything like reincarnation? Anyways, just curious.
Powerful story as usual.
Been sick for some days now. Reason why you've not been seeing my comments on your posts, but now am back and better.Thank you for always sharing.
Your fan always @optimistdehinde.
Welcome back. I'm glad you're on the mend.
Your question... I'm a writer, I make stories up in my head... for me, yes, the ghosts are real enough... as are the werewolves and the junkies and murderers I write about :)
thank you. I like your response . Thanks.
nice story. Thanks for sharing.i like your post and upvoted.
you are the best writer
An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Wow! Brilliant!
Magic, witches, and warlocks. Spells and counterspells. A very fun read, Magic stories are hard to write I would imagine, The magic has to feel real, and the source of magic remain constant. It is no fun as a reader if earth magic is made from the air, and vice a versa. I would imagine a magic Novel to be one of the hardest to write of all. I liked the edit part where you had Morgana wandering the clearing as she spoke, as if to an army. That was a good view. I could see her wandering about hands clasped looking skyward, with a look of determination on her face as if she was talking to or at another god or goddess. I do so love the pictures you paint in my head. thank you.
Ooh, that's a great analogy... like talking to an army...
Thank you for your comments. I do appreciate them :)
I once went to a children's writing competition. A little girl was asked which she preferred, television or books.
She said she preferred books because the pictures were better.
I try to emulate that in my writing.