A private moment in which Captain Lee realizes that indeed, he is making progress in his journey toward healing, just before going to work (and getting a huge breakthrough there)...
To get totally caught up on The Posture of Innocence, here are the prologue, day 1, day 2, day 3, day 3.5, day 4, day 4.5, day 5, day 5.5, day 6, day 7, day 7.5, day 8, day 9, day 9.5, day 10, day 10.5, day 11, day 11.5, day 12, day 12.5, day 13, day 13.5, day 14, day 15, day 16, day 16.5, day 17, day 18, day 19, day 19.5, day 20, day 20.5, day 21, day 22, day 22.5, day 23, day 23.5, day 24, day 24.5, day 25, day 25.5, day 26, day 26.5, day 27, day 27.5, day 28, day 28.5, day 29, day 29.5, day 30, day 30.5, day 31, day 31.5, day 32, day 32.5, day 33, day 33.5, day 34, day 34.5, day 35, day 35.5, day 36, day 36.5, day 37, day 37.5, day 38, day 38.5, day 39, day 39.5, day 40, and day 40.5!
On Tuesday morning, Captain Lee woke up and did his private worship and exercise, and then picked up the notebook he kept in lieu of a journal. He did not write every day or even every week, but each note was of significance. Several weeks earlier, he had made a note about something of importance: “Mrs. Magdalena Thornton: she resonates.” It was his first admission about what had begun to grow in his heart toward her.
Captain Lee considered what he should write this day, and then, drew a circle, writing on one side “Composure” and the other side “Calm.” He considered this a long moment, and then drew an arcing arrow around the circle. At the tail of the arrow he wrote “giving,” and at the head, “receiving.”
He then wrote his thoughts out: “I am now relearning the difference between composure and calm, between Christ granting peace in the midst of the storm and Christ calming the storm entirely. I always strive for composure, in order to present and provide the calm to others that they need in order to function well – and for that strength I have always prayed, forgetting that I, too, need to have peace and calm, and can have it. Today, however, I am at peace, and am calm, and can share in what others receive from me. I have at last moved around the circle, and can receive as well as give.”
One great tear slid from the captain's eyes as he added, “Thank You, Lord, for granting me this day, in which I see You have been here all along, waiting to provide for me as I provide for others You have put into my circle of responsibility.”