in ulog •  last year  (edited)

I experienced some turbulence in the night of day 1. The day was mostly smooth sailing. I had a handful or more of moments come up where there was a craving...a thought for a smoke.

I was able to let go of all of these thoughts in the moment. I could see them come - it was entertaining to me like almost comical as like my smoking programming coming like, uhmmm you should probably being having a smoke now....time to chill've done more than enough....take a break....have a smoke. This was mostly humorous to me and no offenses were taken to these little bits of "urge" that came up in me.

I did have a few moments of back-chatting a self-sabotage where there was thoughts to my own detriment and you know it. Shit like, I can just re-start tomorrow.....or maybe if I just have 1.....or I wasn't expecting there to be this build up in me....just one would be so good....I could just sneak outside and nobody would know...maybe I should smoke some weed...

For the record - I'm not smoking shit. No tobacco, No weed, and No Vaping.

I had that point of vaping come up when I went to watch a show before bed. My big ol e-cig was right besides the couch. Of course it was...wouldn't normally watch jack shit without having a soother of sorts in my hands to keep me busy but focused.

So - I called myself out for that. But the thought did come up, I could just have 1 hoot on my e-cig.

The thing is - it's just a matter of not feeding your bullshit. It's really that simple. Perhaps initially the most challenging thing is to be ok with the fact that maybe just are at the very least.....a bit full of shit. Having this flexibility with yourself will make it easier to see your bullshit and drop it. In the past what got me hung up more times than not...was "self-delusion"....."self-denial"....where it's all about justifying your bullshit.

The experience of justifying your bullshit is like the greatest deception of all time....because you're just doing it to suit your emotion....the underlying discomfort that you are resisting to get real about. It's like being controlled by your emotional experiences of yourself....and talking to yourself in a way to just kind of cope with your bullshit...where you simply tolerate less than for yourself...because it's not really about caring for yourself....but caring to sooth your emotional burdens in a way where, it's like a child just getting a treat so they can for a moment...forget about the underlying real shit that's influencing and controlling you.

I made a vlog this morning - walking and talking about this stuff. I think it's extremely helpful to walk and talk about things. For me it's a way to expand in living the word, "clarity". I'm going to continue making walking and talking vlogs as it seems there's a whole conglomerate of bits of support that open up through it.

The most challenging point of day 1...was the follow through into day body experienced some restlessness and unsettlement...this shows me on a deeper level that I've had some restlessness in me that I've been carrying in my every day living. Also I was a little bit excited to begin the next I've been pushing the point of having morning routines where I do a bunch of little things for me. I breathed and laid still and eventually went to sleep without too much bother.

I did see that I could have created more havoc for myself by reacting to the restlessness and unsettlement in like a little bit of a stir. This stir of restlessness was because I'm changing a behavior pattern that's been firmly integrated where I smoke before it make sense that both my mind and my body was craving this bedtime soother. Fortunately I have me, my Beingness/Spirit here to be my own soother as I allow myself to be at ease...despite any turbulence that emerges.

I wonder if I will experience more or less turbulence at bed time tonight....

Haha - playing detective with myself is a joy in and of itself - ready for whatever :)




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Smoking causes death.
Smoking becomes an addict.
And addiction isn't good.
You have to stop all this.

Take care

Thanks @worldclassplayer for sharing this post.

Upvoted + resteemed your post.

Please stop smoking @worldclassplayer.


smoking can kill you, so avoid cigarettes and do not try to suck it


I am glad that I found your blog. It was when I was scrolling through the health tag and I saw one of your push ups posts. I don’t read everything, but sometimes when I check some of your posts it’s like exactly what I need to read at that moment. Your way of self-observation and self-analysing is inspirational :) Congrats for day 2.

Hey cool @daniellapetk

Thanks for the feedback - it really is appreciated!

you do a great job, to quit smoking makes it a challenge in your life. because that way is a very powerful way to stop, I hope you can stop smoking for good. to maintain your health. Greetings from me

thanks for the words of encouragement!

both friends, happy to know you. hopefully we can help each other to develop this platform

I certianly understand quiting the cigarettes... but whats the thinking with giving up the weed too?

For me I've had a similar relationship with weed as I have with tobacco. Both have been comforters...and I wanted to challenge seemed too easy for me to suppress the shit that was existent in my relationship with smoking cigs...

I could never give up smoking weed.. it's my favorite hobby.. my most loyal girl... besides.. what would I blog about then lol #themorningbowl

Great post!
Thanks for tasting the eden!

i hope that you will success in your challenge

it's easy to quit smoking. i've done it a couple of times so hang in there

Smoking causes cancer so no smoking

You have a tough fight with cigarette smoking. We are with you in this struggle. I pray for youcross-3254876__480.jpg

you need to step down from smoking each day step by step process and that will do the job :)

you may like to smoke, it is okay, because smoking can also be a friend if we are alone, thanks for giving a good post .... i love your community thanks