I experienced some turbulence in the night of day 1. The day was mostly smooth sailing. I had a handful or more of moments come up where there was a craving...a thought for a smoke.

I was able to let go of all of these thoughts in the moment. I could see them come - it was entertaining to me like almost comical as like my smoking programming coming up...as like, uhmmm you should probably being having a smoke now....time to chill out....you've done more than enough....take a break....have a smoke. This was mostly humorous to me and no offenses were taken to these little bits of "urge" that came up in me.

I did have a few moments of back-chatting a self-sabotage where there was thoughts to my own detriment and you know it. Shit like, I can just re-start tomorrow.....or maybe if I just have 1.....or I wasn't expecting there to be this build up in me....just one would be so good....I could just sneak outside and nobody would know...maybe I should smoke some weed...

For the record - I'm not smoking shit. No tobacco, No weed, and No Vaping.

I had that point of vaping come up when I went to watch a show before bed. My big ol e-cig was right besides the couch. Of course it was...wouldn't normally watch jack shit without having a soother of sorts in my hands to keep me busy but focused.

So - I called myself out for that. But the thought did come up, I could just have 1 hoot on my e-cig.

The thing is - it's just a matter of not feeding your bullshit. It's really that simple. Perhaps initially the most challenging thing is to be ok with the fact that maybe just maybe...you are at the very least.....a bit full of shit. Having this flexibility with yourself will make it easier to see your bullshit and drop it. In the past what got me hung up more times than not...was "self-delusion"....."self-denial"....where it's all about justifying your bullshit.

The experience of justifying your bullshit is like the greatest deception of all time....because you're just doing it to suit your emotion....the underlying discomfort that you are resisting to get real about. It's like being controlled by your emotional experiences of yourself....and talking to yourself in a way to just kind of cope with your bullshit...where you simply tolerate less than for yourself...because it's not really about caring for yourself....but caring to sooth your emotional burdens in a way where, it's like a child just getting a treat so they can for a moment...forget about the underlying real shit that's influencing and controlling you.

I made a vlog this morning - walking and talking about this stuff. I think it's extremely helpful to walk and talk about things. For me it's a way to expand in living the word, "clarity". I'm going to continue making walking and talking vlogs as it seems there's a whole conglomerate of bits of support that open up through it.

The most challenging point of day 1...was the follow through into day 2....my body experienced some restlessness and unsettlement...this shows me on a deeper level that I've had some restlessness in me that I've been carrying in my every day living. Also I was a little bit excited to begin the next day...as I've been pushing the point of having morning routines where I do a bunch of little things for me. I breathed and laid still and eventually went to sleep without too much bother.

I did see that I could have created more havoc for myself by reacting to the restlessness and unsettlement in me...as like a little bit of a stir. This stir of restlessness was because I'm changing a behavior pattern that's been firmly integrated where I smoke before bed...so it make sense that both my mind and my body was craving this bedtime soother. Fortunately I have me, my Beingness/Spirit here to be my own soother as I allow myself to be at ease...despite any turbulence that emerges.

I wonder if I will experience more or less turbulence at bed time tonight....

Haha - playing detective with myself is a joy in and of itself - ready for whatever :)

STAY TUNED FOR MY DAY 3 REPORTING AND THE HIGHLIGHT TAKEAWYS FROM THE REST OF DAY 2

KEEP IT AWESOME

CHEERS TO NEW BEGINNINGS AND BEST REGARDS

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