How I found out our CPS guardian had plans to place my two oldest children

The introduction of my worst nightmare CPS guardian

Let's go back in time, the time that we had just had a few conversations with our so called CPS guardian. None of these conversations went smoothly by the way, she was one wicked witch, let me tell you that. Like an angel in disguise you could call her, as she was a pretty young lady for many men, she obviously had no life experience nor kids of her own. She usually acted like a toddler having a tantrum when you would confront her with facts about her mistakes. I really had to count to 10 in my head many times, otherwise I would have lost my temper.

She was put on our case right after another one (that I had good hopes for actually, as she saw trough my ex his behavior) was put on another job, and when the Dutch government was about to reorganize the whole CPS system. This was not a good thing, and already moved several years after the departments just weren't ready for this. That year we were the "lucky" ones that had to deal with this reorganization.

The father recently had beaten up his stepfather in front of our 2 children

A few weeks before the message she was about to be replaced, my ex had a fight with his stepfather (we called him the children's grandfather even though there was no blood connection). And this was not a fight that should be ignored, he actually beat the crap out of the poor man. I found this out because I picked up the children as we had discussed, and the father was not present. My daughter instantly told me: "Daddy has fought with grandpa, mommy, and he was very mad at him". A little overwhelmed I heard from the grandmother (his mother) that they had a fight, and none of them were there. The father had left, and the grandfather went to his son in another city.

After this happened I feared for my children as this was serious abuse in front of the children. And the grandmother tried to pick sides of their father, but the children kept telling me time after time that father started the fight and what exactly happened. I never doubted their story, as they had no reason to lie about this. Their grandmother did.

I was told by the current guardian that I should be sure they were safe

Our guardian from CPS took this very serious and she told me, when you have the feeling they are not safe, because of violence you must keep them home. When the father threatened me seriously after several weeks, I had enough of the bullshit. And this was the first time in that long period dealing with CPS that I decided they have seen enough violence coming from their father. And another situation that occurred when they were in the car together with the father and his sister-in-law was the final straw for me. I found this a good moment for CPS to discuss the possibility of visitations under supervision. I e-mailed the whole story to her, and told her the children won't be going to the father tomorrow.

The new CPS guardian made an instant mess by ignoring messages

She did not respond to any e-mail I sent. That was weird to me, and when the next day the father was supposed to pick them up, I received an e-mail from her (not a reply on my mails though) that there were rumors about me letting the children not go to their father? At the time I was not aware of the fact that these things were only discussed inside our house, and there was no way that anyone (like the father) could have known this unless CPS had informed him about this. (I was not aware yet at that time that every device in our house was hacked).

I told her that this was correct, and she told me: "I am not aware what the reason is for this decision and you must give the children to the father as normal". I pointed out to her those long e-mails and this was the first time she completely ignored to do her job. She just acted like she did not receive any of those. Even though his family members had made several phone calls to CPS the week before after his outburst to his stepfather, that they were very worried about the children going to their father.

I heard this afterwards, but you would think these calls coming from the family on his side, it would raise some flags, right? What did CPS respond to one of the calls: "But you are his family member, I am not going to write this down, as it is weird that you are calling to tell us your concern about a family member". I was amazed by this reaction, and so were those members of his family.

The father became aggressive and showed up at our house

In the next period they did not go to the father, and he came every week to get very aggressive at the door. I was so scared that I fled upstairs with the children, or I would hide in the shower. He kept ringing the doorbell, and screaming to the opening of the mailbox in the door. And when I would not respond, he would bang on the windows sometimes an hour in a row. The weird things is none of the neighbors felt the need to call this in at the police station. I called it in and I let CPS know, but none did anything, as it was only verbal and nothing had happened. This is how these things go, first it's got to go terribly wrong.. That me and the children were afraid constantly of him showing up at the front door, was no problem.

In the meanwhile this lady had asked for visits under supervision, this would take some time. And out of the blue she notified me that she wanted to make a house visit a few days later. No reason mentioned, and honestly at that time I still thought that I had to do as they told me, otherwise I would be in trouble. I was not aware of the fact that I could refuse, and actually I also thought, why refuse I have nothing to hide. I did not like her to come to the house, but I thought I should get it over with. She said she would come with a colleague and that was all she said.

The visit took a weird turn at the end

The house was clean, they had a look in the bedroom of the children. And then at the end of the conversation she suddenly said: "Well, I see no reason to place the children somewhere else for now". I actually thought I did not hear this right at the time, because there hadn't been any moment before and during the visit that she talked about her being there to investigate if the children should be placed somewhere else. Nobody had ever spoken to me about being a bad mother to them, or that there were concerns of them not being ok, that I could not take care of them etc. So when she said this I was looking at her like she was insane, actually. When I realized what she just said to me, I began to boil inside, because how the hell dare she say this to me, and in this way as if she was talking about the weather conditions that day?

I had to keep counting to keep calm after this

My blood began to boil, I am not an aggressive person at all, but she knew how to push my buttons for sure. I thought in my mind, ok don't flip out, count to ten, no count to 100, keep counting, don't explode. And because I remained calm at that moment, she told me the next meeting I had to show up to, that she saw no emotions and that I was so calm when she notified me of that decision. I knew if I was going to be honest about what I thought, she would write down me being aggressive, so I didn't.

I explained her that it was not that weird that I was surprised she even brought this up after this has never been a point of concern before. And I reminded her that I was not the aggressive one in this case, but the father is. Thinking back on this visit, I believe she actually hoped that I would explode, so she could say that I had anger issues or something. But the whole visit the children were well-behaved very friendly and cuddling with me. So she could do nothing else than write down that there obviously was a warm mother / children band there.

It all was a big surprise this could happen to me

I have recorded this visit, like every other that took place, but this was actually one of those that I refuse to listen back when going through the evidence, because when I do, I feel that anger boiling up again and I actually still can't believe that I kept my calm at that moment. She never mentioned any of this before, and of course it would have been great for them them if they had find a reason to place the children at that period in the whole drama. Because they did not go to the father for a while, and then they would have all control to put them in the system. I am convinced if this had worked at the time, the father would no not have been the primary care taker, but my children would have been in foster care ever since that day.

It maybe very harsh to say this, but I sometimes really wonder if in the long run this may have been better for them. I know people may not understand me saying this, but we are not talking about a loving father that would do anything for the children, but a psychopathic father that just wanted to play games and win whatever the cost were.

Please don't be naive like I was, always question the true intentions of CPS

But what's done is done, and I actually wrote this part down to make others aware of the intentions they may have when they come to your house. Always ask them why they come, and be aware of the fact that you actually can refuse this. I did refuse them to come inside the house too when our baby was born (months before we left Holland) as this place was not an ideal house for children. But we already closed the investigation by the board of children's protection with a positive outcome, she approved that it would be fine for a short time, and she saw we had everything for the baby. Either way, I did not want to take any risk of them interfering, and saying this house is not good enough for a young child, as we were planning to leave on short notice anyway. But in the period I described above, I really felt like I had to, otherwise they would think I had something to hide.

Raise your voice, but always explain why you don't agree

The key to refusing them in the house, and actually to say no to any of their wishes is to make sure you tell them exactly WHY you are not approving, and repeat this over and over again. Don't get angry and say no, but tell them WHY and why you think this is not in the best interest of the children. Don't let my mistakes be yours in the future, keep in mind that none of the social workers (and I had several at that point after moving from women's shelter to shelter) had ever told me the children were in a bad place or that I could not take care of them, they came with this out of the blue. Nobody saw this coming.. This can happen to you too. Don't be fooled by their so called good intentions.. always have your guard up and question their intentions, please.. Better be safe than sorry..

AnoukNox

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I write a lot about my period dealing with CPS, feel free to read my stories linked in this posy below.
Let's not be silenced anymore, and gather our strength, thanks for reading this little part of my story..

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My previous posts

Introduction of Anouk Nox

An introduction of Anouk Nox, I will not be silenced anymore! This year I will make a difference!

About Poverty
Bad parent's live in poverty? CPS should have a look in the women's shelters

About custody

[My ex filed for custody and CPS dit not tell me this] (https://steemit.com/familyprotection/@anouk.nox/my-ex-filed-for-full-custody-and-i-was-not-told-this-was-happening)

About being homeless

I was homeless a few year ago

How to get back your inner strength (part 2 from my story)

About domestic violence

Why you should always report domestic violence if you see this happening

How the police let me down from the first time I called them for help

The first days in a women's shelter with my 2 oldest kids, fled for their violent dad

How my kids and I fled to a women's shelter for their violent dad

About the narcissistic / psychopathic games my ex played

My ex made me believe his stepfather was sexually abusing my 2 oldest children

Tips dealing with CPS / youth care / government agencies

How I learned to speak up when disagreeing with social workers / CPS workers

Some very useful tips for when you have to deal with CPS (lessons I learned the hard way P1 - Documentations)
Useful tips P.2 : The importance of independent professionals (such as psychologists)

Open letters series by Anouk Nox

Open letter to my oldest daughter, who I haven't seen in 2 years

Feelings, thoughts and things on my mind

Tears seem to be endless today, missing my 2 oldest kids

To vaccinate or not to vaccinate