ColorChallenge: WednesdayYellow - "Persecushion" [13MinuteFreeWrite]
This is Part Three of my Steemit-exclusive, ColorChallenge-inspired, FreeWrite story series. No edits, no going beyond the designated time. I'm afraid this doesn't pass my standards, please don't leave.
<< Part Two
Background Source and Geometric Source
XJ-1920 sat back on the first available chair she could find. She was in the middle of a busy city center, but she felt more alone there than the times she spent trekking the woods. Fortunately for her, there was an exhibit of reclining chairs that were free for public use. Tired of walking and searching the whole day, she kicked up her feet and tried her best to rest.
It had been eight days ever since she was discharged from the hospital, the majority of which was spent trying to pay off her bills. With the information of her sexual deviancy made public, her bank accounts were frozen and she was immediately terminated from her job. She had to collect money she has saved up right before her apartment was sold, and from other sources that didn't involve official channels. Down on her luck, she had taken up residence in a local home that caters to sexual deviants like her. It was decrepit and cramped, but she had to make do.
VI-0818 offered her place, but XJ-1920 didn't want to risk getting her involved in all of the mess. The nurse was already kind enough to be the only remaining friend she had, she didn't want to cause any more trouble.
As she was lounging on the chair, she was met with disgusted gazes that were sharp enough to puncture through her soul. The hololens embedded in the people's retinas instantly send them a warning that she was a blemish to society. People either steered clear or bumped her forcefully. XJ-1920 sank where she sat.
Ever since her status was changed, she was denied access to utlities like public transportation and even public bathrooms. She didn't have access to shopping centers, food establishments and a number of different buildings. The address where her, now, former husband moved to was a state away, so she had to walk for miles just to get there. VI-0818 had given her specific directions, but she still couldn't find the exact location. Unfortunately for her, no one cared enough to spare a few seconds to help her navigate it once she got there.
"I couldn't find it," she noted while talking to VI-0818 on the phone. "Are you sure it had a yellow door? I didn't see any yellow door near the address you gave me."
"I'm positive," the nurse answered confidently. "Dirty yellow door just like in the picture I sent you."
"What if she doesn't want to see me? What if she hates me for what I am?"
"Don't think that way. She's your daughter, she'll understand."
XJ-1920 sat silently. 'She'll understand.' Even she doesn't understand what's happening to her herself, how could she expect her daughter to. For all of her life, she had kept her feelings bottled up, but now she can't help but pour everything out to the world. After she took the pill that the pale man gave her, her whole world changed. It's like she became a different person—one that she was meant to be all along. She was exhausted, and she was running out of hope. If she could only talk to her daughter to explain everything, she would feel a lot better. Her eyes welled up, but she held it in, not wanting to cause a scene.
"How are you holding up?" the nurse asked. "Do you want me to come get you?"
"No, no, I … I'm fine, I'm just resting for a bit."
A cold draft swept up from beneath her leg, and an unnerving feeling started to dawn on her. She hadn't noticed, but the crowd that passed her location started to dissipate. There was an air of restlessness that accompanied her presence, and the people around her weren't pleased. Heavy footsteps were audible from the distance, which sounded a lot like marching.
"Hey, uh, I'll … I'll call you back, okay?" XJ-1920 said before she hung up the phone. Her head shifted quickly from left to right, trying to determine the source of the noise. She tried her best to swallow, but it was proving harder than a lump of coal. Her eyes widened, and her eyebrows met at the middle. She gritted her teeth as she tried to steady her breathing. All of a sudden, her chair turned and the leg rest folded.
"Get out," a moustached man warned angrily. "This chair ain't for no deviant!"
So, she did. XJ-1920 bowed her head and walked briskly away. As she exited the city center, she could feel all of the eyes fixed on her. Every hair on her body stood, as she made her way out. She ran as soon she felt like they were chasing her. Men in suits did indeed trail her to the edge of the city, but she was able to shake them off. She hid behind a dumpster in the seedy part of the city, waiting for the heat to die down a bit. When she felt comfortable, she walked back to where her family moved to while trying to blend in as best as she can.
She waited in the hallway, moving away from the view of the security camera. Her heart raced every time the elevator came, but it didn't hold what she was looking—only more stares of disdain. She buried her head in her arms as she curled into a ball while sitting on the nearby stairs. Her tears fell the moment she let her guard down.
Tiny footsteps approached and stopped right in front of her. She didn't want to look out of fear of being ridiculed or spat at, so she chose to keep her head down. All of a sudden, the small figure opened her mouth and let out a soft murmur.
"Mommy?"
<< Part Two
And the plot thickens... A sordid dystopia if ever I saw one. Being isolated away from society (and family) is a hellish nightmare. You portray its absolute horrors perfectly and with vivid aplomb. Now after the meeting with her daughter, how does this change proceedings? Hope I don't have to wait to long to find out.
Brilliant work so far, my brother! :)
Wait, what? Did you catch up on everything in one sitting?? Haha! You're in luck, my bro. This updates every day haha! I just wish The Setup updates at the same time hmmmm....
I could've easily placed them in concentration camps or something similar, but I wanted to subject her to a different, but equally horrifying, situation. You're on point when you noted that my bro! It doesn't have to always be barbs and physical abuse. I really wanted to accentuate the hurt while she was sitting on a supposedly comfortable cushion.
I'm glad that you're enjoying it so far, my bro! I hope the next ones don't disappoint!
You never disappoint, bro! Quite the opposite always. You inspire! And man, you've captured the setting perfectly. You keep the reader on edge with the non-stop pacing and relentless tension. Simply love it and am very impressed with this new series.
It's God's honest brilliant stuff, my bro.
I think you'll change your mind when I launch my one-line story series posts haha! Just one line for the entire post bwahahaha!
Seriously though, this encouragement your providing is really uplifting me to the heavens! Coming from a writer I deeply admire, this is truly a blessing! I just hope I could keep up with this, as I fear that I might become complacent because of all the love and praise haha! Really though, I feel motivated posting alongside great writers I admire, yourself included of course. It keeps me on track to where I want to go. I may be lagging behind in terms of progress, but having friends like you guys keep me running. I'm so appreciative of that :D
Anything new posts from you will be happily received by me. You're a jewel in the place, man. :)
Aww shucks ;') You've got my eyes on the brink of tears with this whole sequence, my bro. I appreciate you regarding me as such. Coming from a true (backed by a Golden Steemy) jewel, that means a lot :D
Building intensity as it progresses, introducing elements of a world that is trying to cage our protagonist. And what a place to end it. Now I will have to tune in next time to see what occurs (like I needed an excuse).
Hahaha! Yes! I am trying to cage the protagonist while she's roaming free. Astute as always, brother! Initially, this had a different ending, but when I saw that I had literally a minute to spare, I decided to make it a cliffhanger. And we go further down into the rainbow tralala!
I'm so happy you're locked in with this, mate! I hope the ending doesn't disappoint :D
Oi! This woman's in a nightmare.
I can't believe you're throwing these stories down, all speedy like that. Of course there's room for edits, aren't there always? lol!
Ahahaha! I was on fire when I was writing this, like my hands were possessed. Admittedly, I tried to replicate this kind of story, but I couldn't. Definitely something rare for me. That's why I decided to keep it raw to really emphasize that I wrote it in a rush without any edits haha!
Thanks for taking the time to revisit this, my friend! I really appreciate it :D
It's great to see what kind of work we can throw down under a deadline... even self-imposed ones. It's refreshing to see what "raw and unedited" on looks like. No story ever comes out perfect on the first go! So, this is a powerful reminder that good works are like gemstones!
The way I see it, if the raw stories are good, then one can only imagine if it's thoroughly edited. That's why I always want to read raw writing from people. It gives them that sort of unrehearsed, more natural feel. I should really give myself more credit for writing so much under that strict time constraint haha! I only realized it months after the fact!
And it continues. I am feeling her plight and the awful desperation that besets her. Where shall it go from here after the reunion! I can't wait to find out!
Ohoho! Well, we'll have to journey further into the rainbow to find out haha! Definitely interesting dictating the story based on the color. My experimental side was tickled endlessly all throughout writing this. Is that even her real daughter?? Is she even a woman!? Who knows! Do I know? Oh wait.. Yes, I do haha!
I'm glad it has you intrigued! Coming from one of the most interesting people on the platform, that's marvelous praise! Muchos gracias, Boompadre!
Well the name has continually led me to believe she is a car, failing that an android but what would possess an android of some making to not know of what they are and to wonder at such things as sexuality? What is to be gained? I guess we will see!!
A car!! HAHAHA! Now I can't help but imagine this story set in the world of Pixar's Cars hahaha! That would make for an awkward family night. 10% viewing, 90% explaining haha!
Hehe, it totally sounds car'ish. Cartoon car stuff not to be watched with kids!... Yeek!!
Haha! Now that you mentioned it, the names do sound like they're model numbers haha! Completely unintentional, Boom Boom Dollar Dollar. The reasoning for the names shall be revealed in the culmination post :D
Wayhay!! It's a simulation!!!!
Sshhhh!!! Don't spoil the surprise!!
This poor woman :( The saddest thing is that there would be so many people willing to shun her, and so few willing to show kindness. I know it's realistic, but it makes me feel angry and melancholy at the same time, that people aren't better than that.
Really getting into this story, and Great cliffhanger!
I wanted this world to exaggerate the worst parts of society. It's happening right now, but on a micro-level. Imagine if those people are in power, and everyone else had a sheepish attitude. I'm afraid that we're not too far off from a future like this. I just hope that we collectively decide to become better as a species.
You know, this had a very different ending in my head. Talking specifically about this part. But, when I looked at the clock and saw that I had literally one minute to spare, I decided to change it to that cliffhanger dialogue haha! I'm glad it's received well. Thank you for your continued support, sister :D
I should have read this comment before reading your new post, lol. I know, it really is a little to close to what could become reality. I remember thinking that when I watched V for Vendetta, that we could definitely end up there if we weren't careful.
Ohh V for Vendetta! Hmm.. this might've been indirectly influenced by it, specifically the fingermen and 1984's thought police. There's still a chance we're headed for it, what with all the heavy surveillance and heads of state that really have no business being where they are.
I'm glad she's out of the hospital at least. I expected an older daughter, but I guess I'm presuming she's young by her term 'mommy'. I'm excited to see what she runs into next- it's all happening so fast! Did you do 7 sessions, one for each color, or how did this one end up '13' minutes?
You know, I initially envisioned an older child as well! I played with a teenage son or daughter in my head, with all the angsty baggage, but a younger one is what I ended up with. I had tons of routes I could've taken, but my hands typed this in, so I worked up from there. So many drama with teenagers, too! Man, given time I would've aged the daughter for sure haha!
I did one for each color. I'll reveal why in a culmination post. But, I could tell you here that the reason for the minutes. I wanted everything to be flat 10 minutes, but the first one needed more time, so I ended writing it in 30 minutes. I didn't want to spend too long writing this, so I halved it for the second, then I decreased two minutes for ever subsequent iteration, so that I'll end up with 5 minutes for the last part :D
Thanks for sticking with this, man! You don't know how much I appreciate it :D
Ahh the mood I'm in I just want to punch the hololenses out of those people XD It was still pretty good even if it wasn't up to your standard :)
Haha! Thank, mate! But, what about if you were in XJ's shoes, what would your mood have been? The strong woman that you are gives you that feeling of wanting to punch them out, but what if you're a broken woman living in a world where defiance is considered a crime. How would you feel as you sat there while sharks swam around you?
I didn't account for the reader wanting to stand up for XJ haha! But yeah, those are the things I want people to think about. Thanks for stopping by and for your continued support, my friend! :D
Oh I thought you wrote her pov pretty well, I just feel very disassociative at the moment so yeh rather than feeling through her I just wanted to punch out the people around her XD (and I'm normally the "calm down and talk civilly about this otherwise get off my planet" type XP)
Hahaha! I totally get you! I'm trying some experimental stuff here, so the reader reactions are sort of like the confirmation results. Consider yourselves guinea pigs haha! ;)
HWEE HWEE HWEE XD
That's either the human is small or that'a humongous guinea pig!
They can get kinda big :)
Wait, what?? It was yours?? That looks bigger than your kid's head!! Mine never really grew that big when I had one. And no, I didn't experiment on it that's why it's dead now. I think. I wish. You know what, let's just say I didn't have a guinea pig when I was younger.
stay encouraged. I also got the "steemgigs" witness up. We will talk on discord again, may be we can do simple meetups in your area!
You've been a very busy man, Terry! I'm just happy that you're achieving your goals. You're one of the most passionate people I've met here, and I'm happy I'm able to bear witness to your ascent into greatness! Thanks for the resteem and for taking the time off your busy schedule to stop by :D
Voted your witness! I want to say "good luck" but I know that you're going to do great with it no matter what :D
Hahaha, thank you alot! I will visit again soon!
Thanks, man! I appreciate it :D
Another great material dear friend @jedau, with an end loaded with emotions, after all a mother is a mother. Congratulations
Thank you so much for this wonderful work.
I wish you a beautiful day
I really wanted to pour out the emotions at the very end, I'm glad that you enjoyed it, my friend! This series was a labor of love and I"m glad it's being received well. I wish you a beautiful day as well!
Upvoted and also resteemed!
Gratitude, guvna! I hope you enjoyed the read :D