ColorChallenge: TuesdayOrange - "Orange you glad to see me?" [15MinuteFreeWrite]
This is Part Two of my Steemit-exclusive, ColorChallenge-inspired, FreeWrite story series. No edits, no going beyond the designated time. This one's mine, get your own.
<< Part One
Overlay Source
"Rise and shine, sleepyhead," the nurse urged, as she furled the curtains to let the light in.
It had been exactly a month since XJ-1920 was admitted to the hospital. She was in a coma for three weeks, the same time her family visited regularly. The visitation stopped as soon as the government divulged the secret she had been keeping. She wasn't afforded any chance to explain her side, but that was a direct consequence of her decision. Any news about her family was relayed to her by the attending nurse.
"VI, right?" XJ-1920 asked. "That's your name, isn't it?"
"It's actually VI-0818," the nurse corrected. "I used to be the only VI here, but we now have VI-0827 on deck as well, so our full names are used to avoid confusion."
"Well, that's inconvenient."
"Tell me about it! Growing up, I was always classmates with VI-0820, so I kind of gotten used to it. You know how it is."
XJ-1920 sat up, only to discover that she was still weak. Her body had been slowly recovering, but she was still ways away from being discharged. She had a faint recollection of what had transpired, but she felt different. Like she was free to make her own decisions, even though she's more restricted now than ever.
"Any news about my family?" she inquired.
"Well, uh, today's moving day," the nurse sighed. "Didn't I tell you about it yesterday?"
"Oh, right, right. Yes. I must've just forgotten."
"Don't worry, about it," the nurse reassured her, winking. "I'll get their new address for you, for when you're better."
"Better … yeah," she grimaced. As if homosexuality was a disease, she thought. What right did her husband have to deny her access to her son. She understood that he must be upset, but she didn't fully grasp why he had to move away without even directly talking to her.
"Breakfast is served," the nurse interrupted her trail of thought. "Sorry, but the choices were limited."
The nurse's exuberance elated XJ-1920, and put her on the fast track to recovery. She was like a breath of fresh air. Against the drab hospital, she was like a vibrant oasis. The light from the outside hit her body softly, showering her in a golden glow. She twirled her body, her hair fluttering gracefully in the wind. Her white uniform pressed against her form, accentuating all of her glorious curves. This was a sight that consoled XJ-1920 ever since she was forced awake.
She had no qualms about being unable to move from her bed. The vision that was VI-0818 was enough of a remedy for her. She wanted her, but she knew she couldn't act on her feelings, or else risk being thrown out from the hospital. All she could do was sit there, stare with her mouth agape, and appreciate the beauty from afar.
"Aren't you hungry?" the nurse asked. "I could feed it to you, if you want."
"That … That would be nice."
VI-0818 sat down beside her, and gently served her the meal in bite-sized chunks. The meal was plain and almost lifeless. This was a consequence of her new status. There was no flavor, no color—much like the way the government wanted her to perceive the world. But, it didn't matter. XJ-1920's world went back to slow motion, the background blurred and a deafening ring was all she could hear. She could see VI-0818's mouth move, but she couldn't comprehend what the nurse was saying. The only thing she wanted to do was to press her lips against the nurse's to force it to stop moving.
"You'll work it out," the nurse reiterated. "I know that everything would turn out fine."
"How are you so positive?"
"I'm around negativity all day, might as well cut through it with a little bit of spunk."
"I don't … I don't know if my record already shows it but—"
"That you're a sexual deviant?"
"Shit. Really? Just my luck, huh? No wonder people avoid me like the plague. You better steer clear of me, people might get the wrong impression."
"First of all, it's my job, so there's no avoiding me. Secondly, you betcha you're lucky. Not a lot of nurses would even touch your room assignment when your status was flagged. Me? I don't really like to judge people that way."
VI-0818 cleaned the plate when the meal was finished. She stood up and smiled at her patient.
"Oh, and one last thing." She placed her hand inside her pocket and took out a small spherical object. "Orange you glad to see me?"
XJ-1920's heart suddenly thumped.
<< Part One
Coma sounds like a better bet than staying with those freaks in the last part, lol. But this nurse is giving rise to her "illegal" feelings once more. Dangerous place to be in a world gone mad. Crazy premise and brimming with originality. Could the elusive VI-0818 end up being her saviour?
Beautiful work, man. Got me hooked and craving more to this eerie tale... :)
Coma does sound like the better option, huh? But, as much as I want to keep her in a comfortable situation, I have to kick... oops! That's the title of tomorrow's part. My bad.
Great observation regarding VI, bro! You're definitely onto something. Could she be her savior... or could she be her undoing? Hmmmmmm.....
Oh man, knowing that I have you hooked means a great deal for me. I am humbled, my brother. Here I am feeling unsatisfied with what I put out, and you keep shoving praise my way! Bless you to the moon, but come back down to Earth in time for the next part ;)
Patient fawning...ooh...that could go either way. A "nice" nurse could be the real thing or a plant or malicious... oh man, the options.
Options, options, options.. where to go from here?? Could she be her salvation or her downfall? Or, just a red herring to divert the readers from what's important. Oh wait a minute! This is Orange day haha!
Thanks for taking the time to read this and A Day in the Clouds! It really means a lot :D
It's fascinating to see what develops while knowing you were under a short clock. Looks like it ticks down as the stories go... what fun. :D
It's fun looking back at it, but it was nerve wracking while the time was ticking down. I felt like I was in a boat that had a leak in it that I'm not able to patch up haha! My fingers did all the work, so they deserve all the credit.
I can sympathize there! That "what fun" was definitely in reference to reading! :P
Haha try it out and see how many words you can come up with :)
What's the rules for the week of free writes? Is it just to reduce the time for each day's writing session?
There really are no rules :) I just imposed the half then -2 min every day for me to give me more of a challenge haha! I guess, if there has to be, the only rule is to write everything within the time frame.
Three weeks in a coma sounds almost like a happy bit of luck compared to what she'd been subjected to, and even the hospital is a huge upgrade.
I'm so glad you touched upon her luck haha! I've been writing the culmination post and I stopped exactly where I mentioned that she was one of the lucky ones. Oops! I better shut up now or else I risk spoiling everything.
In any case, the FreeWrite restraint forced me to just write snippets of her life, so I hope that these tidbits make sense when they're interwoven with each other. Thanks for stopping by, man! I appreciate it :D I hope you enjoyed the read!
I suppose it's relative luck, to consider a coma a lucky break, but i haven't seen the third part yet-- I have enjoyed the story so far though, especially after she woke in the hospital, which at a glance accents what I saw as her acute misfortune in part 1! Waking in a hospital must be full of mixed blessings, I can see that here. On my way to part 3 then...
Right!? Oh man! I'm glad you caught that! Is waking up really the best case scenario for her? I really wanted to present her with that sort of conundrum. Waking up in a hospital no less! Good eye, man!
I'm glad you've been enjoying the story so far. This is a labor of love, so I'm happy it's being received well :D
I've been feeling rather tetchy lately so I REALLY HATE THE SOCIETY THIS STORY IS SET IN XD
Awesome writing, and I'm glad she's back, I was pretty certain she was goners last ficlet. Nice piece of writing as usual, normally I'd whine about having to wait til tomorrow for the next instalment but I've been running behind so much the pacing suits XD
Did you want to redirect this anger to the first post instead? Haha! Of course she's back haha! Who would be bold enough to get rid of the main character on the first chapter? Would I be bold enough? It's not for me to say, but...yes. Yes, I am. For a different story though! Not this one haha! Spoiler alert ;)
Oh hey, better days apart than weeks apart like A Day in the Clouds, right? This was definitely one of the most challenging things I've ever written.
I would not put it past you to off a major character in the first chapter XP
Totally better days apart. I'm still struggling to keep up though XD
Am I that known for taking risks with my writing? Haha! Don't feel stressed about it, mate. The story will be here when you find the time :D Go do the sketchies to put your mind to ease.
I like the snippet thing. It is often how I like to write rather than a direct linear narrative. It leaves so much more for the reader to work out and gaps to fill in and what is reading if not the joy of creating a world that is gifted to you in parts. Most likely why it is always odd when someone else describes a character you are fond of or you see a movie and they world/character/buildings look entirely different from how you imagine
When I conceptualized this series, the first question that popped up in my head was "What would Boom do?" The second thing was "What am I having for dinner?" but that's beside the point!
. (a point) / Hi there!
Yeah, I get what you mean. Sometimes I can't help but write linearly, but I try to leave a lot of blanks for readers to fill in whenever I can. It's the greatest advantage written stories have above any other media. Sure you can leave out details in movies and TV series, but it's just not the same. The thrill is in the putting together of pieces.
I'm glad you had the time to read, broseph! Your words are worth more than Bitcoin. The parent one, not that silly Bitcoin Cash. Pft. Though... let's not sleep on that just yet.
Yes that one doesnt quite appear to have ridden off into the sunset! Life in the old BCC yet by the looks of it!
I agree, the places I have invented in my head to support what I have read just before I go to bed keep my imagination fed!
That includes yours of course O)
Man, that's a wondrous place to live in, I reckon! I wonder if there are conflicting ideologies swirling around there. I bet there are cage fights to determine which imagination would survive haha!
Imagination cage fights, yeah!!
Now I can't get it out of my head! The announcer just rang and shouted that it'll be a fight to the death. Oh boy... I guess by the time this is over, all I'll ever know is how to pronounce my name.
But what if you don't even know that in the end up!!!
Oh man! What if only instructions on how to make toast ends up as the winner!!
I assumed she was an android initially, but now I'm not so sure. Perhaps we are dealing with names that sound robotic. These people have personalities though. Unique ones. XJ-1920 and the nurse are both very human in their characteristics. I'm curious, and enjoying the development of the story. Still not 100% sure on identities, and that is adding to my intrigue. What I do know is I like the protagonist.
Your doubt has steered you to the right path, brother. I tried reading it again, thinking they're androids and it really changed the tone of the story. I replied to your previous comment regarding the identities oh no! I hope it doesn't take away from the enjoyment and intrigue :(
Your stamp of approval means a lot to me, my friend! I'm glad that the protagonist was likable, I just tried to write someone who's flaws make her all the more human :)
I read it as the woman being an android at first only because of the name. But the characteristics and personality made me question that. It had an interesting effect, because I was reading and contemplating the story on several levels, whether that was meant or not. I found it got me thinking about it at a deeper level.
Yeah, definitely had an interesting effect! I mean, I wrote the whole thing, but I was surprised when I read it thinking they were androids. Has the makings for a different series, for sure! With the pale man being the creator or something.
Oh yeah, you know that I always want my work to be dissected every which way. I definitely pepper in a lot of philosophical and existential questions, which I just knew you would spot. As much as I wanted to discuss it in the culmination post, it was already too long, so I just gave it an open-ended nod. Your Notes really had an overwhelming effect on me, so much of those waxing philosophies spilled in to this. So, thank you, mate :D
You know it could be a completely different story with them as androids. Two for the price of one. With room to explore the concept from a completely different angle. But I've still to complete the third one, so then I'll see how you went with your original idea and where it has headed (I'm assuming it's a 3 part story. Is that correct? Not sure if you said that or not.)
Glad the Notes helped out in some way. The meandering narratives and philosophical ponderings.
Haha yeah, I realized that when you said it. Lots of different decisions and plot points. It's interesting to explore it, and if ever you want to write one up, be my guest. In fact, it would be my honor, mate!
This is actually a 7-part story since I'm completing the color challenge. The unevenness of the whole series really added a layer of complexity to this for sure.
great story tuesday color challenge hmm great :)
I really wish you would vote on it if you really think it's great.
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by jedau from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, and someguy123. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows and creating a social network. Please find us in the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you like what we're doing please upvote this comment so we can continue to build the community account that's supporting all members.
Thanks for your service!
@randomli got you a $1.95 @minnowbooster upgoat, nice! (Image: pixabay.com)
Want a boost? Click here to read more!
Awesome! Thank you very much!
Excellent work dear friend @ jedau I was surprised to find her alive at XJ-1920 after three weeks of coma, I must admit that at first I was mixed with numbers, after I became familiar with the numbers it was all simpler, VI-0818. The latter is a good number to play the lottery dear friend.
Thank you so much for this wonderful story.
Have a great day
They do get a bit confusing, no? I will explain the significance of the numbers in the culmination post. Thank you for the compliment and for stopping by, my friend! I'm glad you enjoyed it :D