Mini Motivation #50 - Why persistence in relationships may not always be a good thing

in #psychology6 years ago

Persistence is life pursuits has always been heralded as a good quality.

"Don't give up."

"Keep it up."

"You can do it, just stay the course."

However, when it comes to relationships with another person, that same aggressiveness may drive the other party away.

Let me illustrate: Ginny kept on wanting an answer from Leonard about something, but he did not feel like making the decision yet, and he told her that. Leonard tried to explain his reasons, but she kept on hammer on everything he said, to a point that he suspected she wasn't even listening to anything he's saying anymore. Because Ginny is persistently trying, and not wanting to give up, Leonard was forced into a position to just give an answer to satisfy her.

Familiar? You've probably been in Leonard's position before, where you even have to resort to lies just to stop the other party from pestering you. You can try to reason with them, but because of the single-mindedness of their thinking, they just wouldn't let up until you give them the answer they want, in the exact way they wanted. Perhaps, they even think that if they give up on such a small thing, they won't be able to handle the bigger parts of the relationship.

Now, what if you're Ginny? Have you ever insisted on a decision from your loved one, that perhaps you drove them to a point to just give in to your demands, just so they don't hurt your feelings? You get the answer you wanted, you credit that to your determination. As a matter of fact, you even feel at peace now, to know that all is good. But that peace is short-lived, because deep down, the moments you try to force yourself to sleep at night, tossing and turning, thoughts heavy in your head, you know that it didn't feel right.

So if you're Ginny:

  • Learn to take 'No' for an answer at times. It's not about giving up or being persistent. Just understand that people need their space and time.
  • Use different approaches. Be flexible in your methods.
  • Wait it out. Perhaps the timing is not right.
  • Let it go. It's ok to have give and take in relationships.
  • Don't hang on to the fact that you are "losing" the relationship, because chances are, if you had been strong headed all this while, the relationship could have been over. It's just that you're not aware of it.
  • Understand that while you may win the battle, you could have just lost the war.

Mini Motivation is my own daily strategy to inspire myself. Mostly 3 minute reads.

From Motivation, we gain Inspiration. From Inspiration, we achieve Momentum. And the rest, they say, is history.

Hope it helps nudge you a bit too in the right direction.

Oh it did? Let me know in the comments, and of course an upvote would be a nice motivation for me. :)

Stay awesome!


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hi @maverickfoo I am about to search for motivational factor to boost my morale and energy in Steemit especially for the last 1 week. I afraid of running out of steam to move forward as a newbie tin Steemit
This article of motivation is written in its simplest manner and easy to comprehend. I could immediately apply some principles stated in this article example

"Don't give up."
"Keep it up."
"You can do it, just stay the course."

The last statement "You can do it, just stay the course" Often than not , I rend to move out of track in search of a "short cut" to Steemit success. .
Cheers

Sometimes the most obvious of solutions are right there in front of us all. Life's ironic that way.

Everything in life is all about making decisions, I would say persistence is rather a choice of helping you to make an impact on your decisions. There's no right or wrong in a relationship, it's all about how much a person willing to sacrifice and contribute to making it works. However, I do agree that it's not always good to be insisting on something that you think is right while the other part never agrees. When the time comes, we must learn how to give and take. Never be greedy or selfish because only you think that it is right.

P.S. I am not a philosopher nor neither a love guru, I am just expressing my opinion. Do correct me. Btw, good write up :)

Hi @explorernations, I'm neither philosopher nor love guru either, haha. Just a curious observer.

Yes, among all problems that exist in the world - health issues, money problems, business mistakes - I have to say relationships are one of the toughest. You see, the others have factors that are within your control. In a relationship, however, it involves another party, and that certainly is out of our hands. Especially if it's personally out of our hands!

Never be greedy or selfish because only you think that it is right.

Like the way you phrase his. That's already a road down the philosophers. :)

@maverickfoo, relationship is always a funny aspect in life which it does not always obey to the rules. Persistence somehow does not always work the way like the journey of career or study. However, once you understand the flexibility, it would be much easier in managing it.

One thing's for sure, though. It's ok to lose the battle, so long as you win the far. Always focus on the big picture. :)

This might be the hardest for me...

Learn to take 'No' for an answer at times. It's not about giving up or being persistent. Just understand that people need their space and time.

;p

I can practice with/on you if you want :)

You not only inspire yourself - I am another inspired.😊

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