How to Be Supportive When You Don't Know What to Do

in #psychology6 years ago (edited)


You know how difficult it is to ask for help, so you can understand how others feel when they are in need.

Stress causes substantial levels of anxiety, irritability, exhaustion and other negative ramifications, both physically and emotionally. There comes a time we all need a shoulder, and you know how needed and appreciative you were when a shoulder was supporting you.

You can probably remember how difficult you made it for your loved ones to help, too. Maybe not on purpose, but it still happens. When we allow stress to overwhelm us it can create disconnection and tension in even the closest relationships.

Sometimes we are feeling so down about ourselves that we push people away, but there are times that we just don't know what we need. The same goes for our loved ones when they are overwhelmed with stress or grief.

When we provide our loved ones with emotional support, we create a deeper bond. As ironic as it seems, when stress makes people more distant, irritable and argumentative, that is when they need us the most.

Your attitude and approach can help or hinder healing. Keep these things in mind and you will be a living stress reliever, full of patience, support, and understanding.

  • Don't ask "what do you need?" There is a good chance they may not know, or can't tell you. Remember- the weight of the world is on their shoulders and they probably need far too much to narrow it down right now. Instead, ask "what can I do for you?" This open ended question will limit the answer "nothing". This simple question is more powerful and begs a response, prompting them to think of something which you can easily do right now that would be uber helpful.

  • Touch may not be an option in certain circumstances. But if it is, it is the single most powerful supportive gesture. Human touch lowers blood pressure, calms anxiety (unless the person is triggered by touch, when in doubt- ask) and helps the body secrete serotonin and other calming hormones that bring about a sense of well-being. In our increasingly disconnected world, most people are touch starved. A hug is a powerful tool. A simple hand on the hand of the person struggling can give them an inner sense of knowing they are not alone.

  • Be mindful of your tone. Half of communication is visual and half is visual cues. Speaking in a gentle and sincere tone will show your person you are coming from a caring place, and they will be able to share and "let go" of more, which is what is needed to start the healing process.

  • Be respectful and compassionate. If someone dumped them, now is not the time to verbally bash the offender. It will not help the griever and could even make things worse. Commiserate and nod gently as needed. And if you must disagree about something, do so in a kind and caring way, now is not the time to start arguing.

  • Don't judge. You may not understand but never judge. Remember that it is impossible to understand something unless you have lived through it yourself.

  • Don't take it personally. When someone is suffering they can react unfavorably or shut down. Understand this is not necessarily in reaction to you personally, but a natural state due to "survival" hormones in an acute response of protection. Never try to make someone respond how you think they should, or be hurt when they don't. If the way you are trying to communicate is not working just let it go and try to gently find a different style that works.

  • Listen. Sometimes you cannot say or do anything to help. But just by being there, and listening to them, you will be supporting them more than you know. Knowing you are being heard is soothing and nurturing.

  • Go as slow as they need, but know when to push. There are stages to healing, but at some point lying in bed all day starts to become unhealthy. Listen for cues, and trust your instincts. And know that sometimes you may need outside help so talk with your doctor or a phone in helpline for advice or a different perspective.

  • Take care of you, too. When you are supporting someone in emotional pain, you need to be careful not to fall into the same spiral. The old saying "misery loves company" rings true- sadness can be contagious. Take care of your emotional needs by talking with someone who can be your shoulder. This will not only ease your burden, but also clarify your caregiving actions and approach. You cannot be anything for anyone until your needs are met and you are healthy and emotionally stable.

Emotional support is about helping to lift someone to higher ground so they can see their way through the dark path.

When your approach is sincere, compassionate, and wrapped in an attitude of hope, you create a space where they are comfortable talking about anything that is going on- inside and out- and help them through the dark times.


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Nice suggestions, the taking care of oneself while supporting others is very true.
Sometimes we may be too engrossed with giving care to others in emotional trauma to the extent that we hardly notice when we will drift to such level.

Precisely. We need to be mindful of this very important fact <3

Thank you :)

You are welcome.

You are very correct, sometimes people need us to be just there for them, not saying a word or doing anything but by just staying by them no matter the pain or stress it takes

Amazing post here milady

Just being there makes a world of difference <3

Thank you

Well as a Nigerian kid growing up it's hard when you're alone.
see Nigerians do not really understand this concept really

I understand. Perhaps with the help of Steemit you can help change that!

I am the kind of person with the least comforting power in the house but I support them with action! I will try my best to cheer them up with their favourite food or things that they want to do, i'll try my best to fit in. I find that helpful and I have been slowly being comfortable to bring them up when they are down. Thank you for sharing and I really do appreciate it :)

That is amazing of you. You are aware of a lack of comforting presence, but you make up for it with other measures :) Care, compassion, and concern :)

Aah the emotional support.. i remember when i was devastated and felt aboslutely useless on steemit in my early days and i came to you and asked you to lend me 100 SP..

And then we had a really nice conversation and you told me to believe in myself. One argument led to another and by the end of that conversation, i made a promise that i would stand on my feet..

Lo and Behold.. i have come so far.. all thanks to you..
i will never forget that conversation.. you did not even know me but you extended all your support for a total stranger.. we need more people like you..
^_^

Stay blessed...

This makes me feel amazing, hun <3 I am so honored to have been of help. You have the power, it is in you, and sometimes we just need a gentle push :)

...or hard shove, depending on the level of stubbornness ;)

I am truly happy you persevered. You are an asset to the community.

You will totally appreciate the contest I have been sitting on, waiting for my next milestone ;) https://steemit.com/contest/@arbitrarykitten/in-honor-of-my-4000-follower-milestone-a-valuable-and-lucrative-contest

...or hard shove, depending on the level of stubbornness ;)

Hahaha.. i can assure you that i am not stubborn :p

Thank you so much for putting your trust in me.. it means a lot..

I dont think i have ever seen a contest like this.. you actually are going to spend 2 hours daily for 30 days to mentor a minnow ? That is superb.. you are awesome.. ^_^

I have been struggling of late with panic attacks and anxiety. Generally I can deal with them by avoiding the source but in this case I had no choice but to see it through and push through the attacks. I haven't been able to drive so I have been eternally grateful for my support networks. My sister and best friend have been great and my husband invaluable. It's so hard to help when we don't know what it is we actually want or need.

You are so fortunate to have such a awesome Support network <3.

I have a difficult time asking, but I remember the advice I give and know that my loved ones truly want to help, and that I must tell them how. That's actually helpful for me, to reminder that :)

Thank you so much for sharing hun.

The asking is hard. Normally I don't ask but this time there was no choice. It's the how to help that is the hard part to identify for ourself.

Such helpful information if one wants to be supportive. It is so hard to be around stressed out and depressed people and it is easy to want to lash out at them for self-protection in a way.
YOur article will help may. Let's face it - more people are stressed right now than not...

I hope so <3 It's a scary thought, and terribly saddening, but I'm afraid you're right...

Some great suggestions here.

So many people choose to do nothing through fear of causing upset/offence or simply not knowing what to do.

I have happily supported friends who have been dealing with the blight of cancer on their family for over 10 years and am astounded by the number of other friends who have offered no support.

I guess we are not all made of the same stuff and can only do what we can do.

However, there but for the grace of God.

Be well.

xox

You are an amazing soul <3

Be Blessed :)

Nice post @arbitrarykitten I really like your writing 😊😊

I appreciate that a lot <3

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I always had problem with big crowds dont even have to be big just go ti the store shopping was a struggle for me but i couldnt just lock myself inside so i said to myself fuckit and started with small things and now i dont have any problems with it other than talking to big crowds.

Baby steps! Yes, you must start small to tackle anything <3

Yeah thats true all that helps do it in small portions☺

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