Melancholia
He had to pee. It wasn’t too terribly demanding yet, but if he made himself do it now he could stay in bed longer- the pressing thirst reminded him that he hadn’t drank since yesterday afternoon.
The pressing thirst reassured him that he wouldn’t have to pee again anytime soon.
He just wanted to go back to sleep. There were things to be done, for sure, but did it really matter? Who would actually care if he didn’t?
He struggled to push the comforting layer of sleep back. He had to at least think for a moment. This mental feat was almost more difficult than forcing his cumbersome muscles into action. If he didn’t move his body was barely sore.
If he didn’t think the pain wouldn’t be so great.
He glanced at the television. It had turned itself off automatically after hours of comforting company. He at least had that. They parried his thoughts into the corner and successfully covered them with a sheet. Even drugs didn’t do that. The remote was probably the only thing he remembered where he put anymore, so turning the TV back on was almost effortless. Voices backed by thin music drifted from the speaker and he almost wished there was something good on.
His soul sighed as he made up his mind. Muscles and bones groaning, he shuffled into the bathroom and emptied himself. The bed was whispering sweet nothings, beaconing him with promises of its warm embrace, but Bella was sitting pretty by her empty dish.
“Yeah yeah, how can I say no when you look at me like that, huh sweetie?”
“Murpht,” she said, eliciting a chuckle from him. He poured her a little extra food, just in case he had slept through feeding her yesterday.
Since he was already up, gathering supplies was necessary. He opened the fridge but only Tupperware with fuzzy layers stared back at him, and he quickly dismissed the pressing nudge to go to the store. It may be only 280 steps away, but with the shape his body was in it might as well have been two million. He craved a cup of coffee but that would take too much work, so he filled the coffeemaker with water instead, and settled a tea bag in a mug. He found a couple of honey rolls in the cabinet, and after quick inspection decided that’ll at least calm the grumbling in his belly. He shuffled back to bed armed with a semblance of sustenance.
The email from his boss said he was fired. Many apologies, he was a great worker and they had tried to be patient and give him breaks, but to be employed you actually had to come in- or at least call and communicate.
He was sure the many voicemails he had been ignoring for days said the same thing so he erased them without listening.
Jack and Shane were worried. They wanted to go do something, tried to sound upbeat. “Get you out of the house, man.”
Two emails and two texts from her. She was worried about him. Word was getting around apparently.
There was a voicemail too. He played it against every cell in his body warning him, screaming against it.
Her voice. It didn’t matter what she said, her voice cut straight through him and pooled in a heavy nauseating mass in his gut. He put the phone back on the table and stoked Bella, trying in vain to focus on her generous purrs.
He wanted to punch himself for being such an idiot. The television wasn’t going to distract him now. The pain was far greater than when he had woke. He opened the orange bottle and shook out a few extra pills, washing them down with the warm tea, and tried to ignore the huge pleading eyes of the only one he allowed close anymore.
Depression hurts. It makes everything more difficult, sometimes almost impossible. If someone you know is suffering please seek help. If you are suffering, it may feel like nothing will help, but it can get better. Please talk with someone close to you, or call a help line, you will remain anonymous:
USA
HopeLine 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Youth Crisis Line 1-800-448-4663
Canada
18662773553
Australia
131114
Egypt
7621602
France
0145394000
Hong Kong
+852 2382 0000
India
8888817666
Japan
+810352869090
Mexico
5255102550
Philippines
028969191
South Africa
0514445691
UK
08457909090
If your country is not listed, please call your local information and they will direct you to someone who will listen.
There are resources, you do not have to walk alone ♡
Be well my friends.
Images via Pexels and Unsplash
I appreciate your support :)
With Love, Light and Good Mojo!
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Fiction
If you found this post after day 7 please consider upvoting a recent article ♡
I have been through this. Slept for 2 days straight except for occasional water sips and trips to the bathroom. I did not feel hungry. On the third day, the pangs were now starting but it's much easier to go back to sleep and escape the pain.
To any depressed person out there, I want you to know that you are not alone! You will overcome this, you will rise again and surpass the old you. There will always be someone who cares, so open up and talk.
Now get up and eat a meal! ;)
Best wishes,
Isagani
Thank you, that was beautifully said <3
Yes, thankfully there are resources. "Melancholia" caught my eye, as I have what Jung referred to as the "Melancholic Temperament." Not actually depressed in a non-functional way, but I cannot remember a time when things didn't exist through a gray filter...
That's is what inspired the story :)
Thanks for reading hun, if you ever need to talk in Discord and SteemitChat, same name <3
A n interesting story* that's inspirational , and ganks for sharing, keep up with steemit.
Thank you hun! Keep on steeming :)
Sure will do. Do also find time to look into my posts and see how am doing😏👌
I suddenly feel that I'm in that situation. 😔
Hope to cope this up .
Thank you @arbitrarykitten
More power!
Keep steeming
Love and respect
@gerel
I'm here to talk anytime in chat and Discord <3
Thank you. You're so kind. I'll keep in touch
This hit me pretty hard. Hopefully, you can reach someone in need of support by posting this, to let them know that there is help available, even when it doesn't seem like it.
I hope so. I know when I was deep in my wormhole I thought I was imposing. When in all actuality it was my head fibbing to me because there were truly people who desperately wanted to help me, they just didn't know how. And even though they were there, and trying, my mind kept making me dig myself deeper and pushing them away.
There absolutely is help. And your people want to help you <3
I sincerely sympathized with his health condition, Î would suggest a good medical treatment from a good facility. This will couple with serious prayers for God's intervention. I follow and upvote you.
Even though he is a figment of my imagination, I truly want to hug him so bad <3
Thank you my friend :)
Everyone could use a little help at times.
We do do at some point :) And, everyone needs to be the shoulder sometimes <3
As meaningless as it might sound to some:
Depression is the last leg before finding back.
I have heard that. That you must hit rock bottom before you can climb out. But sometimes I feel this is an antiquated, and disturbingly limiting belief...
It's not like it's a mandatory station to finding peace of mind. Some need more some need less of it. BUT if one has dwelled in that depressive space for a while, finding back will be all the more rewarding.
No light without darkness is all I'm saying. Though I agree that this idea might not be very helpful when one is down in that hole.
Why limiting?
Your story post is good thanks for sharing......
i am inspired by this
thanks a lot.....
Im so glad you found it inspirational <3 Thank you.
Great post Dear @arbitrarykitten thanks for sharing awareness by your post blessed to follow you.
Thank you kindly :)