Distractions – My Civil Service #20

in #blog • 6 years ago

I feel that all of this is but a big distraction at this point, I cannot properly work here because there's nothing to do, but I cannot write because all the little distractions – writing should be done at peace.

My time here doesn't bring any value to anyone anymore, except those few weeks when the janitor is on the holiday and I'm going to replace him. If I was just called for replacement when I was actually needed? Nah, work is what is important, everybody has to have a job – it brings no utility whatsoever, but everybody must have one.

If there won't be any actual gigs somewhere, there's nothing I can extract from this anymore, I've already learned the social skills, to control my anxiety and to tolerate the mindless existence of doing what you're told. At least that's how I feel in my arrogance.

It's amazing to think: I probably provide more value, utility, whatever by just writing stuff on the Internet than being on government forced labor. Hopefully, probably.

"Do not start ranting again, my life is great, my service place funds my becoming adventures because I barely use the little food and daily money they give."

I'm fine, really, just stupid emotions getting on the way again.

I think I'm gonna take Thursday and Friday off of next week for an extended weekend, then use the rest in a row for a 11-day holiday in total – that time shall be for my hike to test the gear that I'm soonTM getting, promise.

Today I woke up to a weird feeling: it was as if I was a different person from yesterday. Though I really don't know where this stemmed from. Anyway, I'm doing this again to distract myself before I get distracted by my surroundings. Like hurting yourself to distract yourself from the worse pain. Sounds kinda counterintuitive but I guess it works.

Maybe I'm already starting to burn the imaginary mental ties I have to this (as if those even existed in the first place). In my thoughts I am fully focused in the future, barely even present. They say that being present is good, surely it is, but sometimes you need to cling to the hope of better future. It's not a long term solution however, because then you will always "work for tomorrow" until one day you realize there might not even be a tomorrow anymore.

If there's nothing to learn here anymore, it's that it further confirms how much I dislike being tied to something – it doesn't mean I wouldn't take responsibility however, I'm actually aiming to take it on my own hands myself, be a master of my own life, as much as one can be.

Even though things might be messy and complicated, especially when it comes to all the bureaucracy we have to deal with paying taxes and stuff, we still have a lot of freedom, especially in EU where one can move pretty much free without restriction, at least with an EU passport. That's pretty awesome.

TL: 65 Days

Today Left of service

Here's more, just in case:

#work #life #busy #nobidbot
6 years ago in #blog by
$0.82
  • Past Payouts $0.82, 0.00 TRX
  • - Author $0.70, 0.00 TRX
  • - Curators $0.12, 0.00 TRX
11 votes
Reply 0

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.19
TRX 0.15
JST 0.029
BTC 63209.62
ETH 2570.91
USDT 1.00
SBD 2.76