You Gotta Have Faith: Three Part Weekend Freewrite

in #weekendfreewrite7 years ago

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My brother did this weird thing with turtles. He loved turtles, hell, he loved ALL animals. Turtles, however, were his favorite. He used to say that he wanted to be a turtle when he grew up.

We all laughed and thought that was the silliest thing he could have ever said. He still insisted that when he was older, he would definitely be a turtle. He wanted to take his time and do things, which he kind of did anyway, because he was a little slow sometimes. I suppose maybe he wanted to be a turtle sot hat the kids at school wouldn't tease him about it anymore.

In hindsight, I wish we hadn't laughed at his dreams, as silly as they seemed.

He wanted to be like everyone else, but it just wasn't meant to be. Back in those days, there was no internet and a single mom didn't really have the time or the money to reach out and find medical help for things like that. It's just how life was. Some kids were slower than others. "They'll grow out of it" and "They'll be fine" were always the reassurances when my mom DID try to find help or answers.

He switched schools. From the bigger public school with the bullies, to a private Christian school where he flourished, for a while.

Of course he still had to come home. To the local kids who were a pain in the ass and still teased him about everything. About being slow, calling him stupid because he wasn't like them. Things that kids do that break the hearts of other children while the adults still look on and poo poo it, saying over and over, "They're just kids" "boys will be boys" "It'll be fine, just tell him to put on his big boy pants and deal with it"

Adults tend to forget how hard it is to be a child in the first place. How isolating and terrifying it can be to be relentlessly bullied. Told you aren't enough, aren't good enough, pushed and shoved and laughed at. Every day, more of the same.

His only escape was school.

One day, things changed... My mom, she found a diamond bracelet in the back of the car. We had NO idea how it could have gotten there. Hell, it was probably worth more than the entire car altogether. I may not have mentioned it, but we were broke ass people. A single mom, an absent dad who resented paying his $50 a month child support for three kids (and so pretty much didn't). There is no way that anyone we even knew would own a diamond bracelet and if we did, they sure wouldn't have been riding around in our car.

My mom being the religious type was sure that God had put it there to help us. Now she could have the money to pay for my brother to get some help, maybe some medication to help him feel better, fit in better... anything. He was so depressed anymore that he was barely functioning. He didn't even want to go to school anymore, because he got bullied about that too. Life was just getting harder and my mom was feeling at a loss. There didn't seem to be anything she could do to actually help with his problems, his bullies, his struggles. She grabbed onto that diamond bracelet like it was the answer to everything. She prayed over it and prayed some more, trying to find the answers for how to best use it to help my brother.

It was about a month later that a salesman came to our house selling vacuums. As I said before, we were broke and there was no way we were going to have the money to drop on a vacuum, but by some weird chance (yeah, my mom said it was God), this sales guy happened to see the diamond bracelet.

He freaked out and said it was just like his mother's old diamond bracelet that had been lost years ago after she died. He offered my mom a crap ton of money to buy it and she accepted. Of course. She knew then that God had definitely sent the bracelet to help her pay for therapy or help for my brother.

Then came that weekend in Duluth. My mom had found someone who claimed to be able to heal minds, to heal kids with learning disabilities like my brother. She just happened to charge the exact amount we'd gotten for the bracelet, minus the cost for gas. My mom, of course, was not surprised by this. She said that 'God always provides' and the fact that it was the perfect amount just meant that God had set the whole thing up. I just watched and waited to see what would happen next.

We drove up to Duluth in our rickety little station wagon and made it all the way there without breaking down, having a flat tire or anything. That was pretty unusual for our car and again, my mom just said, "Well praise the Lord for getting us here safely!"

We met the woman who said she was a healer and I think my brother was even more suspicious of her than I was, which was saying a lot. She took him into a room and before the door closed, I saw a table laid out with pretty rocks (apparently they were crystals) and a weird, smoky smell wafting out. I just kind of shook my head at the weird shit my mom managed to get us into and picked up an old Reader's Digest sitting in the little waiting room-like area.

My brother waas behind those doors for what seemed like forever. I read every joke in every Reader's Digest there and he still wasn't done. Mom was getting nervous, because she would shush me every time I'd laugh. I didn't see what the big deal was. We were getting my brother better, right? Isn't that cause for happiness?

Anyway, he eventually came out. It was... odd. He seemed taller somehow. Different in a way I couldn't describe if you paid me. He just seemed... light. Maybe it was happiness that I hadn't seen on him for years and years since he was a little boy. Maybe that's why he looked different. He walked by and punched me playfully on the arm. He hadn't acted that way in as long as I could remember.

My mom cried and hugged the woman for way too long, in my opinion. She apparently thought he looked happy, too.

Life was hopeful again, thanks to a diamond bracelet and this crazy healer woman. I couldn't wait to see what happened when we got home.


Photo is mine. It's actually a photo of my mom and brothers. The first section of this story is completely true and I wish we had found a way to help him while he was still young enough to get it. He committed suicide 20 years ago this February. Sorry for the sad post, but he's been on my mind a lot since we were just up visiting my mom and other brother for the holidays.


For more information on the how to and all that, check out @mariannewest Freewrite Post Here

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Prompt First Sentence: My brother did this weird thing with turtles

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Other Writing of mine that you might be interested in:

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Getting Older, Wiser and Crankier

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Trip of a Lifetime: Short Story

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I Would Stay: An Intense Emotional Short Story

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Reading of one of my freewrite short stories

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I'm so sorry Byn......

Love the way your story ended though :D hugs

Thank you, @snook I appreciate your support <3

This is so beautiful and bittersweet. I felt fear going into it that the true outcome you shared was what eventually happened. I'm sorry for your loss; I'm sure 20 years isn't enough recovery time. How can you ever heal from losing your brother?

I personally believe that writing can have a healing component, and that retelling our most challenging and painful experiences--whether through journaling, blogging, or writing fiction--can help you convert some of the pain into a release from it. In fact, I wrote a post a couple of days ago about the idea of releasing some of the emotional power of our past through fiction writing. What do you think about writing as a healing art?

This story gripped my heart. I will be thinking about it all day.

I have been writing as a healing exercise for well over a decade. I used to write in livejournal daily and have worked through so SO many things by writing. I fully believe in the power of writing to get things out of my head where I can see them more clearly, step away from stress and really analyze things.

A lot of my freewrites come from a place of needing to heal/revisit or just deal with my own history and it has been so freeing, in an entirely different way from journaling. Being able to use fiction to change the outcome, to express rage/revenge/fantasy has been a great thing for me.

That’s is really wonderful to hear. I wish more people would do that, instead of letting life’s difficulties fester and become toxic. The world would be a better place!

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Very well written. Thanks for sharing.

Ahhh. A well written piece that cuts to the heart.

I'm so sorry for the challenges that you faced and what happened to your brother. And I wish things were different, but things like this happen. Sometimes, we do our best to change the things we can control, but still there's a lot of things beyond us.

I hope that you find comfort and peace. And praying for strength and healing to you and your family.

Cheers!

Thank you. It was a long time ago, but it's been in my mind lately after going back to my hometown to visit for the first time in a long while.

Ohhh, your brother - I'm so sorry!
I lost a sister, the oldest of five girls, when she was almost 19.
Retelling it in the guise of fiction is some help, anyway.
My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing something so personal and painful

Thank you. It always helps me to get my feelings out in the form of journaling or creative writing. Getting it out of my head so that I can step away from it a bit is healing for me. Thank you for your comment and I am so sorry about your sister. It is heartbreaking how common it is.

Suicide, murder, even accidental death: all too common.
I'm amazed at how many people I meet who've lost someone at a really young age.
Not to mention all the children whose parents die young.
Thanks for your kind words -
and writing is therapy. Glad you found it!

So sorry for your loss. I had a brother who committed suicide too. Just after Christmas too. It just seems like yesterday even though it is almost 15 years ago. A very bittersweet story.

I'm so sorry for you loss. Especially around the holidays, that must be very difficult.

Suicide is very prevalent in my extended family. I've lost two brothers to it and numerous uncles. No one ever wants to talk about the why, just that it seems to happen in every generation. I've worked very hard to escape the dynamics of that family dysfunction with my own children. Generational abuses and skeletons in the closet need to be stopped.

Two brothers, and uncles, lost to suicide?
There must be some chemical imbalance - something genetic - going on there.
I cannot imagine! The loss!
If it's generations of abuse, that can be stopped (more easily than the DNA thing), but it takes so long and it's so much harder than we ever think it will be. But you can do it. {hugs}

I'm sure there is. I suffer from depression/bipolar myself. I am VERY open with all of my kids about our heritage and that we all need to be aware of things like that. I've also disconnected myself and more importantly my children from the extended family and all of the dysfunction and abuse. My kids grew up outside of that black cloud and I'm incredibly proud of that, in spite of all the things I didn't get 'right', I did that.

Thank you for your comment.

I'd hit upvote, but I've learned the consequences of Steemit's version of the "Like" button. :)

Wait... what are the consequences? This place seems to simple at times, but so complicated. I swear I learn something completely new every day!

Waaohh! Writing really is an art when written as beautifully as this. Thank you.

Thank you so much. You are too kind!

My heart goes out to you hon. The tightness that grips your chest from the memories can come at the worst times (although when is a good time?) and I am happy that you are able to use writing as therapy. You wove the truth and the fiction to make story. Thank you for sharing one of your precious photos. 😁

Today I'm performing as a Marianne marionette. Frolicking stringless as I bring today's prompt to you.
https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-80-5-minute-freewrite-prompt-awakening

Thank you so much. <3 Writing is so healing for me and the comments have been so full of support, it's been quite amazing.

Wow! Quite and interesting story however sorry for the lose

Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment. I appreciate it.

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