In the interests of full disclosure ...
I find myself compelled to share with all the followers of my blog a few things that I think you need to know. The amount of information that I am dumping onto my blog is a culmination of a life time of experiences, research and insights that I've accumulated over the last 50 years.
Why am I doing this?
Despite my efforts to live a healthy life style, eat great food, etc, I still struggle with memory issues. I have no doubt that all the pharmaceutical drugs that I took in the 80's & 90's have done great harm to my vessel. But the greatest harm was the six Electric Convulsive Therapy (ECT) treatments that I experienced during the height of me depression. As a result of that therapy I have huge gaps within my life where I have little or no memory.
Even over the last 20 years I've noticed a slow but stead decline in my short term and long term memory which is accelerating over the past year or so. I'm writing this blog because I am deeply concerned that I will eventually lose a lot of what I've learned in my life time. I've been through chapters so dark that I would not wish it upon my worst enemies. I survived and lived to tell the tale and share what I learned through the experience.
The research and experiences are important to share with one another. I know that I will take it all with me when I leave this three dimensional physical realm, but I also feel it is my duty to share with those who are here as well. Steemit provided a perfect opportunity for me to do that and I am grateful for all those who are interested in my story, research and experiences. As this progresses, I lean on my heart and feeling as my physical and intellectual components start to fail me.
I feel that the more I share the more I celebrate my life and honour the gifts that Creator has given me. I think it would be sad to experience all of this and not share it with people. That is why I do it and with my recent memory issues, that motivated me to dump it all. I have lots of stories and posts yet to write and I am not even close to finishing. But I do find that I am making mistakes that I would not have made even a year ago.
So while you read through my work, please be vigilant and do your own research and ask questions. I AM a spiritual being in command of a vessel that has been through a lot. It is starting to show signs of failure. While I will do my best to heal that vessel, I still must find a way to do my work within the scope and capacity of that vessel.
I don't want people to put me up on a pedestal. I am just like you, trying to figure out life here in this physical realm. I still make mistakes and I struggle with my own fears, temptations and quirky characteristics while I bump along in life like everyone else. I have people contacting me privately asking for help, but there is only so much I can do to serve. I cannot do it all but I will do what I can to help.
To be forthright, I am scared but I know that this is part of my journey so I embrace it head on. I'm not looking for sympathy, only empathy and understanding so that what I share can be seen in the context it was intended. At times I feel overwhelmed and as a result I struggle keeping up with all the correspondence that I get with my posts. It is not that I'm ignoring you. It is that the time to get to everyone is limited. But my desire to respond is there and I will continue to do my best.
To honour the gifts that Creator has given me by sharing my experiences with people who are interested to hear what I have to say. For that I am grateful! I love you all. I really do. I pray that my sharing serves its purpose. May Creator bless you all with peace, freedom, prosperity, joy and love.
Thank you for sharing something that is so deep and personal and possibly a little terrifying for you. A lot of folks fear losing their memories or developing Alzheimer's as they age. There is a large possibility that you did suffer damage during ECT. After witnessing many treatments over the years I would definitely not subject myself or anyone I loved to that kind of torture. All the pharmaceuticals you were treated with probably compounded the problem. I am sure that you and Carey have discussed detoxing. One thing that hit me while I thought my memory was going, I had many mercury fillings in my teeth. Got rid of the fillings and detoxed. Problem solve for now...
This is one of the reasons why sharing is so good. You said something that I never considered yet. The mercury filling in my teeth! I've done lots of detoxes in the last few years and other protocols too. But I completely forgot about my teeth. This may be what is bothering me right now. Thank you my friend. Time to get that work done.
I also recognize that the ECT and drugs also did a considerable amount of damage, but my heart says that the mercury is the current issue. Thank you! I will be looking into this ASAP!
I am glad that I could be assistance. It was a friend who pointed out to me that the mercury fillings were leaching their poison into my body...
Leaning on heart and feeling can be a good thing!
I too sometimes feel the psychiatric drugs may have had such an effect on me. I write everything down now in attempt not to forget. So many lists! Though sometimes my brain is like a browser with 1000 tabs open. Even my actual browser has 20-30ish right now. >.< I really need to work on that. But I also believe in the 'placebo effect' shaping my reality, so believing that I've been "damaged" I don't think really does me any good.
I share this sentiment. We were meant to share our experiences and touch the lives of others. I'm so grateful I get to bare witness to your legacy unfolding. Much love to you <33
Thank you for sharing and empathizing with me. I have lots of lists too. lol. I have pieces of paper everywhere. I even keep a list of topics to write about so that I don't forget which post comes next. I do believe in the power of faith, but I've also surrendered my life to serve Creator so I will do what I can and trust that the rest of my life will unfold as it needs to ... and I am happy with that. It frees me of a lot of uncertainty as I trust that each day will unfold. I am grateful to have you by my side during this journey. Peace and love to you as well. <3
I share that faith in Creator's path for me, it's the main reason I fly by the seat of my pants as they say. Sometimes I forget that though when I'm struggling, I really appreciate the reminder to surrender and be mindful.
I have thought quite a long time about whether to post this or not @wwf. However, seeing as honesty and transparency are some of your stated principles, I'd like to be brave and respectfully share a couple of my thoughts about your post.
For me it is now axiomatic that all manifestations of dis-ease in the body have a corresponding emotional element which has not been processed. This wants release; and it may have to start yelling louder - ultimately manifesting as something physical, in order to get attention. The correspondence between the emotional and physical can be quite literal - for example knee issues corresponding to pride (unbending!).
You have "been through chapters so dark that I would not wish it upon my worst enemies". This allows for the possibilty (IMHO) that there might be some sub-conscious incentive to supress painful stuff which may yet lie beneath the deepest layer of healing undertaken. Could this be a 'forgetting' that is having an external manifestation as 'not remembering'?
This is an offering to you in case it may strike you as valid and you haven't considered it already. If I am way off, I apologise - it comes from a place of good intentions, and I warmly wish you all the very best.
Namaste
You reminded me that we have a book called 'Messages from the body'. So I looked up memory issues. Here is what it said:
Thank you. That was VERY helpful! I appreciate your courage to speak your peace.
This resonates.
When you start to succeed ... Satan starts to use his last ammunition to make you fall again .. Brother @wwf ... You are now on the right road towards the top ... Do not let negative thoughts stop you ... Please
Ahhh, my brother. I don't see these as 'negative' thoughts but me merely being honest with the condition of my vessel. I will confront this head on and do all I can to work through it. But I refuse to lie about the challenges I face as that would be the devil's work. But acknowledging my challenges I can bring them into my consciousness and address it directly. But if I ignore it or dismiss the issues, then I'm just lying to myself and others. That would be a catastrophe. I refuse to let him do his work within my sphere. I do appreciate your concern and confronting me about what I shared. It takes a true friend to do that and I appreciate it very much. The way I see it, if I lie to myself, that is Satan's work. I refuse to do that. So I bring everything to the table to be discussed. No secrets. No shadows. No place for him to hide.
I am forever greatful I somehow came across you long ago on a different platform, you have taught me so much because you are such a compassionate teacher. You have reached, touched and inspired so many souls <3
I am sorry you are scared, I carry the weight of having shortened my life because of physical damage caused by myself and the signs I am starting to see scare me too.
I admire where you are in your life now, and your devotion to sharing your invaluable life lessons. You certainly are causing ripples, thank you <3 I look forward to all of the knowledge you have yet to share. Take care of you and yours <3
I am grateful for our friendship too Karen. I am scared but I'm not going to let that fear deter me from my work or from confronting it either. I refuse to ignore it or stick my head in the sand. That only causes depression. So I am openly declaring it and finding that by doing that some of the fear went away. I know others, like yourself, struggle with similar issues and I am grateful that you shared like you did. Now it is out in the open and I am no longer alone in that journey. I will share more as I go along so that we can all inspire one another. I know lots of people love what I've shared but I find my inspiration from people like yourself who share and walk the path as I do. By walking side-by-side I don't feel alone and having friends brings warmth to the cold wind that blows outside. I look forward to warming that wind with the rays of love, compassion, peace, freedom and prosperity. Peace to you my dear sister. Thank you so much for taking the time to write and share like you did. I deeply felt it and appreciate the courage it took. Thank you.
First of all take a bow ladies and gentlemen for golden jubilee of experiences of this great soul <3
It an honor for me to get benefits from those experiences and every time i talk with you , i learn something new and my thoughts refresh. From homesteading to legislation authorities of the system to bonding between husband & wife you have given so much in all these days. Yes you are inspiring all of us and we are so blessed that you are our mentor who guides us right path that is Kindness and Peace.Life is really uncertain but your thoughts are larger than life My Best Friend <3
We all have this responsibility my brother. :) But I thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about me. I don't want to dismiss it but instead choose to honour your expression of gratitude by saying THANK YOU!
My life has been enriched by meeting people like yourself and for that I am grateful. I thank you for the friendship that is being forged during the last 4 months of being on Steemit. I do feel blessed and grateful! Thank you.
Wow this is really touching. At this point i myst say am groping for words course although i have experienced some health issues sometime ago, its not really this complicated. I implore you to keep praying to the creator for help and take courage. You are an inspiration to we that conceal our severe illness. Thank you for the prayers.. And thank you for sharing
I do continue to pray and work at my health, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. However, I must also recognize that despite all my efforts, this vessel will perish at some point. So as a responsible, accountable, self-governing individual, it is my responsibility to ensure that I do my best through the last years of my life. It would be very unfair of me to not share what I have learned.
I thank you for sharing how you feel and out my post touched you. Like you said, many people conceal their illnesses, fears and dark sides. I refuse to do that. My recovery from depression came from me shining a light into the darkest corners of my heart. It saved my life. So I refuse to hide any longer. I don't buy into this new-age only think positive stuff. Ignoring the darkness does not heal it at all. So I'm not afraid to go there and pull it out to explore and examine. If we all did that, I think a lot of healing would take place and we would really see a lot of changes in this world. <3 Thank you for writing and sharing.
Hello wwf
I'm sad to hear of your memory problems.
I wish you that your vessel holds and that you never lose the important parts of what makes you, you!
My grandmother had a close presence in my life... she has Alzheimer's... it was painful to watch as she forgot about everything. one thing at a time. This touched me.
I wish you the best and upvoted the most I could.
Cheers
Thank you Max. Creator is helping me as he works through others. I will do my best to ensure that my vessel holds out for as long as I can so that I can finish my life purpose and mission! Thank you for the encouragement and blessings. I do appreciate that. Peace to you.
So inspiring @wwf. Thank you. I've been following you since seeing Ben Stewart's Ungrip when it came out. I feel very trapped in my urban existence and you are living the dream I have. It feels like I am getting closer to it when I read about what you are up to. So much gratitude for you sharing your journey
Hi there! You realize that film came out almost 7 years ago. Astounding how time flies. I welcome you to my blog and thank you for following me for so long. You will have to forgive me as I don't know who you are, but I'm sure were friends on facebook prior to me leaving that platform. Thank you for finding me and sharing. I'm sure over time you will get out of the concrete jungle and find peace among Mother Earth and within your own heart. May Creator bless you with peace, freedom, prosperity, joy and love along that journey my friend.
Wow seven years. That IS quite some time ago. I don't get very much time to interact with social media, and engage in conversation so we never really connected on fb but yes I was 'friends' with you there. I've read and continue to read a lot of what you post. And with Steemit I'm seeing the value in taking the time to stop and interact. It literally pays to be friendly and outwardly greatful here and not just in feel good vibes.
I get a feeling that my relationship with this place may be what it takes to get me away from urbanity and into more of the homestead I live for.
Yes, this site functions using the model of anarchy and as such it requires participation. One cannot just sit on the side line here. Bravo to you for figuring that out and getting involved. Who knows, with enough participation it may even fund your shift to homesteading! :)
sometime we do wrong in my life,but we suffer for this for a long time,we never think we have to suffer for this so much.but when we really suffer for this we have to do nothing except bearing.....so we should do every thing ,at least try to do everything accurately,,,,,,thank you for sharing this....i hope you we be cure very soon.....god bless you
I don't see it as suffering but rather another learning opportunity. As I move into the last chapters of my life I'm confronted with these realities and face a choice on how I will live through them. I choose to embrace the change, not be intimidated by it and change my ways to work through it. Yes, I am scared, but I decided to confront it face-to-face. I refuse to lie to myself and not acknowledge that my vessel is getting tired, not capable of performing like it did 30 years ago and it has been beat up along the way too.
As a self-governing individual I much acknowledge all of that and work around it with my wife, kids and clan / community. At some point I will find myself unable to be self-sufficient. My plan is to live life so that my life is done when that point comes. lol
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate it. Peace to you.