Parenting

For better understanding it is important to know the REI theory. REI theory is first formula which easy explains numerous human situations and behaviours and has its very own working principle of ways to desired outcome - no matter if it goes for happiness, true love, self confidence, courage or any other psychological related issue. Topics can be found here.

Sometime I woke up with the thoughts forging our future. Those thoughts are, on the first place, not only society, alcohol, desire and interests of a child, whose parents see his growing up and hence see all the effects of the things, written above, on their child, but mainly the upbringing. One morning, I watched a show named Good Morning on local TV, where the main guests were a psychologist and a singer. They had to answer some of the host’s questions, which were mostly about the child and how to raise the child properly and safely. Honestly, it all looked like stringing rules over rules; in other words, how to convince a child not to do something, that his parents do not like. As for the objective viewer, it became clear quite fast, that the answers were spinning in circles thus were repeated all the time. In the meantime, when the psychologist and the singer tried to explain solutions on how to teach the child the opposite of something, they already taught him (subconscious context), it just got me to grab the phone and ring into the show. The show looked like solving problems the parent does not want to see in their child. The real problem, nevertheless, is hidden nowhere, but in the parenting – before the actual problem even occurs. Children are born without any knowledge or habits; they learn all of this from their parents, which means parents should be aware of this. If one of the questions was, how to convince a child not to wish for more and more things from the store, the right answer should have been: “We, the parents, do not give enough emphasis on the value of these things before the child even develops the “meaning/sense”.

In this topic, I would do rather something different than explain the Reasons, Emotions and Instincts through their attributes, directly connecting to our world. In this topic I would use the results that can be seen with the individuals, more precisely, actions in parenting. As said before, our two minds - Emotion and Instinct are subconscious minds, and their behaviour and actions can be seen only when we observe third person. We cannot detect any actions of them within ourselves, because our most important mind, is setting rules of our world, and this means that we see the world as he sees it. One important thing here is also, that we try to explain the actions always with our Reason, and this is why we get "bad parents", instead explanation, why some individual who has dominated Emotion in his character, is yelling at his own child. Remember that all three of minds are the same, and there is no one better at another one. There is slight difference between characters, but we think that someone is using some attribute that we will never use. All three minds are having their advantages, and disadvantages. Because today world that we live in is preferring more and more disadvantages of one character at the expense of success, progress and advancement, we use regurarly negative attributes of our characters. And because our world is only ours, those negative attributes became our everyday thinking. No matter with who we talk or who we met or who we live with, those attributes are now creating our lives and if we feel need to behave different in society or excessive pleasing others when we talk with someone, this is a good indicator of using negative side of our character. And as we think that it is normal, to live like that, let me remember you, that there is 97% people who do not accept themselves. Living in positive side of our character is also very simple and brings a lot of benefits, but because there is almost no one using them, we are also get used to think as others.

Prevention is crucial in parenting. Despite all the possible actions or reactions, the child had to learn those somewhere and this “somewhere” are mostly the parents. Complex thinking mechanisms of another person is, of course, impossible to understand; it is enough to understand proper upbringing only. While parents simply use words such as “it is a no”, “he screams if he does not get what he wants”, ”he blackmails us (the parents)”, ”he is stubborn / is in his first period of stubbornness”, “he is impossible child”, “wants things, his brother or sister or others in school have”, “cannot concentrate”, “can’t concentrate on one action only”, “misbehaves”, “refusing to obey”, “refusing food”, “is mostly sick”, “studies bad or does not want to school”, “drinks alcohol”, “smokes”, “is addicted”, “talks back”, it would be sensible to ask ourselves, from where those problems originate from and if they actually are not to be blamed for those problems. The answer is, of course, yes, because the child learns the meaning/sense at the time, when he is happy and open to listening.

I think, that every grown man knows the difference between the punishment (sanction, rule, discipline, order), which is supposed to better the child’s behaviour and elimination of the source of the problem. Those parents, whom the above written sentence is not logical, does not make any sense or is entirely new to them, probably belongs to the group of bad parents below. As already stated, the child is born without any knowledge or habits and every parent wishes for their child to be as successful as he can be and have a nice life. Nowadays, in the modern world, it often comes down to the wrong parenting (focusing their child on materialism), because of living in a world full of materialism. Therefore, we can distinguish the parenting into two groups by a simple rule – accepting their own world and house – acceptance, and not accepting their own world and house – non-acceptance. The topic that we have already spoke of. Or if we say it shorter the good parents and bad parents. However, before you all will classify yourself as a good parent, let me describe the conditions, which separate those two words. Acceptance or non-acceptance is a matter of every single individual, meaning, we can have one parent who accepts himself and another who does not. We also can have parents, who both accept themselves or parent where both do not accept themselves. As the word itself already signifies: acceptance – good, non-acceptance – bad.

Bad parents are those parents, who are overly protective towards their child, who are not capable of trusting someone and think that their children’s health and life is entirely in their hands. Usually, those parents offer everything to their child and later wonder, how everything is wrong because their kids do not return the kindness. The answer is quite simple – they lack the knowledge about parenting. They blame it on the hormones; children are fickly, stubborn, that they misbehave, blackmail parents, wanting more and more etc., but don’t know, that exactly parents are the ones, who raised their children on a wrong way. They stick to their believes and because they have children, they think the children rights are theirs to own. They do not accept others opinions or suggestions on how to better the situation as they think they know best, because they are parents and have experiences with parenting. Still, the fact about the weight of knowledge about the uprising in today’s world, full of lies and empty words, is of a big importance. Parents, who do not learn from mistakes through life and ignore life as a great teacher, are the rejecting/declining parents hence are the main reason for their child to be the same on his own way of life. They mirror their world into their children’s worlds and do not permit any changes, when the child starts to think on his own. They want to develop their child as they wish, yet they forget that their child is also a human being, entirely independent in make his own decisions and the same goes for accepting his responsibilities after his puberty years (if he was taught those, of course). Decision, made by non-acceptable parents, on having a child is mostly made out of fear because they would look lonely in front of others and because they want to please others or from personal benefits of their child to be successful, because they failed at this. Let me tell you, that I speak about subconscious factors, where right reasons cannot be detected immediately. However, those mostly occur by non-acceptable parents and let me warn you: despite the fact that a parent will ensure you his child was born and raised out of love, be reminded, that this is only a conscious act. True love has disappeared or can be hardly found these days. If you smiled while reading the last sentences, please, continue reading, because this smile will disappear quite fast. Parents, who enforce their experience into their children too often, are no less bad. Because they protect their child too often from every possible danger, lifting them from stair to stair and at the same time think, how much they help him and giving him everything he needs and wants, thus establish a good self-esteem and confidence in the child so he would one day be a rising successful star in the society. However, that day never comes. If the parents will do everything for and instead of their child, then the child will not have a backbone and the desire to someday step on another stair entirely by himself. Hence, he will remain in one spot and again wait for an invisible hand to raise him on another stair. Because they get everything, they do not feel the need to do something on their own for them own, which leads to no desire of creating their own self-esteem, because exactly parents are the ones, who fill in his self-esteem. While bad parents success at making their child happy, good parents teach their child, how to be happy, how to get up again and again and will be able to always find a way towards happiness in his life. When the day, when this child, without any self-esteem nor responsibilities, will step outside of his house, will come, his world will fall apart in an instance. Taken over by schools high expectations, he will confusedly wander on his path; if his parents will lead him, he will become unhappy. Disgruntled by the fact, he cannot think with his own head and follow his dreams, desires, he will search for his meaning of life thus will lead him to unsuccessful relationship, bad grades, he will become addicted by drugs and alcohol and his life will become painful. When couples decide for a child, no one thinks about the decision on having a living human being who will develop into an adult – they decide for it because it is nice to have a little child. And if these parents cannot accept their child, his actions and decisions, they, at the same time, disable their talents through their lives. Those parents own a child the same way as they own a car or a house and their child will not be capable of returning his love. Parents, who think, picnics and traveling will replace the values, should know that this does not go that way! Everything they do is just a plain rule of pleasure; still they will never feel happiness nor contentment. Bad parents should be aware of the fact, that they are the ones, who wanted children and not vice versa which means, their children owe them nothing. Still, I hear in many places: “as long as you are under my roof…”. I would like to give those parent this little mind piece to think about: when those parents will be old, left alone and unable to take care of themselves, let them think about whom they keep, according to such actions and words.

Good parents are the kind of parents, who let their child to think with their own head. Because those parents are acceptable, they also understand that their child is an independent human. They righteously teach their child as far as they can and until he reaches his boundaries, because he lives in a community of other people. Good parents are aware of the fact, that their kid has no responsibilities until he develops his own thinking – in puberty. He is taught accepting himself and others around him, show him the meaning of responsibilities and do not act or do as their child pleases. If the child decides for some things, which he wants to replace or change later on, it is good to explain to him the fact that he must sometimes chose his words wisely since he is responsible for them. This is the right way to teach your child the value of words, in this case responsibility. Furthermore, good parents understand their child can develop good qualities only by himself, hence they know love, happiness and adoration cannot be taught. The child learns those emotions from his parents – mostly from their behaviour. Which leads us to an important fact: acceptance plays an important role here. If some of you are wondering, what teaching means, it means to reveal bad and good sides, let the children space for experimenting and allow errors. It also means that the child must learn on mistakes and bad experiences; if you prevent those mistakes and bad experiences, it is the same as not letting them go to school. As already mentioned, good parents know, a man can have everything but still cannot be confident but on the other side needs entirely nothing and can still be very confident. You can often test this fact on overweigh people in your personal life, full of confidence. Good parents, as already stated above, let their child think with his own head and do not impose their beliefs and thinking on their child. Still, such children can change their world and everything around it and their parents will feel their love and will mostly rely on them. Good parents teach their children that they are loved even if not perfect, if they do not get everything they want, that they are not as bad even if they are not praised and that they are worthy of happiness, even though they are running out of it at the moment. This way, happy children realise that happiness does not come from the things they have and misfortune from things, they do not have. Because of this, those children will be able to find satisfaction with the respect of other opinions, good and bad ones. A child, who will accept himself and his surroundings, will live as he pleases, will not try to fix his picture to fit into the society and will know to enjoy his world as it is. Good parents are aware that their child has mimicked their own world. All this lasts until puberty, when children start to develop their own world. In those situations, bad parents mostly are feared because they think, their child has started to reject their world thus start to drag their kid back to their own world as much as they can. Good parents on the other hand let their child develop his own world. Only selfish parents would deny such life school for their child. Who teaches, gives the most, who only gives, gives the least.

For REI theory there is no good and bad, because there are only three (Reason, Emotion and Instinct) minds attributes, which create situation between us. But we do bad to our society or our nearby if we use their negative attributes (not accepting myself), and we do good for everyone if we use positive attributes which they posses (accepting myself).

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Expressing affection - each mind do it on his own way
At which profession is individual mind successful
Educational system through REI theory and how can it be equitable for everyone
Read how REI theory addresses individuals behaving
Read how REI theory as first psychological theory eliminates Dyslexia
Read what is the primary mission of REI theory
Read how Instinct, Emotion and Reason were evolved
Read about important attributes of the REI minds
Read description of Theory REI
Read introduction of Theory REI