Be Interested In Other People - The Secret To Building Connection and Compassion
One of the things that I absolutely love doing is having one-on-one conversations with people about life and hearing their stories and getting to know their perspective regarding things they're passionate about.
It's quite an experience to see how people light up when they talk about something they deeply and whole-heartedly care about. That spark in their eyes so clearly shows how desperately they want to tell a story that they've kept hidden for so long.
Conversations like this are one of my favorite things ever. I'm not really a big fan of giant meetings and public speaking (though it's one of my greatest memories), but when it comes to sharing of ideas and stories, personal talks are more my style.
The Real You
Why? Because I'm interested to know who you are from the inside. I'm not really that interested to know how your day was or even your achievements, I wanna know the stuff you've been dying to tell someone.
Your insecurities, your bad decisions, how you love looking at the stars, how deeply attached you are to the music you love, your fucked up parents, your abusive spouse, and all of those things that need to be said out loud.
I wanna know all of that. Because that, more than anything else, defines who you are. It's what keeps you up at night. Though small talk is necessary at times, you and I both know that it can only go so far. After which, you just have to get real.
How To Display Interest
The fun part is that people, in general, are usually willing to listen to other people but they just simply can't seem to display their interest in others' lives because they are afraid to be seen as creepy or nosy.
Now, there's no one perfect way to display interest in someone, but the way I like to use the most is giving out a simple and genuine compliment.
Related: How To Have Deeper And More Fulfilling Conversations
That way, you are letting the other person know that you noticed something cool about them and that they have caught your attention.
Once people feel like they've caught your attention, they would likely want to hold onto that attention, even though they might not be acting like so yet.
It is so because though we are taught to keep our guard up in social settings, deep down we all love receiving compliments because naturally, humans crave attention.
This is how you get the conversation flowing: through little moments of positive attention and display of interest. What comes next? Listening.
Related: How To Get People To Truly Listen To You
Listening, and truly listening is not an easy task. But it is definitely one of the most powerful ways to let the other person know that their words matter to you, that their stories interest you, and that you are paying serious attention.
Pro tip: If what the other person is talking about does not interest you or you don't know much about the subject, simply admit it. Don't try to reply just for the sake of replying.
Most of the time, just being honest that you prefer to talk about something else is enough to further the conversation into a different topic, one which might interest both of you.
Related: How To Use Honesty As An Emotional Tool For Self-Expression And Relatability
Know Your Limits
But the most important thing to remember is when to back out. If you notice that the other person is just not interested or comfortable around you, and does not prefer to talk, then just simply leave.
There's no point in trying to continue a conversation if the other person does not want to get involved. Don't linger around giving compliments one after the other expecting that they'll suddenly want to talk to you.
If it's not working, respect their privacy and get out. Connection and compassion can not be built when you're obligated to build it. True connection needs freedom of choice above all else.
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Some good wisdom in this post! I highly agree with pretty much everything you said, though unfortunately I've got to the point where I interact so much like this with so many people I can't keep up with it all. I find myself spending hours every day trying to talk to everyone and it's never enough, whenever I send a message I often get another one back and then it just adds up and adds up and adds up until I feel exhausted... Though I'm glad I try. :) It's very rewarding to connect with others and learn about them and to be human to whatever degree that is possible.
This is super important! It seems so rare to meet people who genuinely listen, I think it's one of the best skills you can learn. I remember reading about this in a book when I was like a teenager or in my young twenties and it really stood out to me and has been important ever since... And I have a lot of people tell me how much they appreciate that I actually listen, it's a great thing and I think the world would be a better place if more people genuinely listened to each other more.
You do indeed interact with a lot of people. You're one of the very few people I've seen on Steem that leave valuable comments like this one. I highly appreciate that about you.
I think why people listen less is because they crave instant gratification. Speaking is more "fun" for most people, while listening requires patience to be enjoyed because you have to understand the other person first.
I can understand that listening gets a little overwhelming sometimes especially when you are talking with a lot of people at the same time, that's why I often just stick with one person at a time.
That way, I know that I can give that person all of my attention. But I do admit that I feel like I am not being listened to at times.
When you are a good listener it's normal to assume that other people would be too which, let's just say, doesn't happen that often.
P.S. Thanks for the re-steem! :D
You got a 53.73% upvote from @ocdb courtesy of @ayushjalan! :)
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it's a good piece, thanks for writing this.
Thanks for reading :)
A good message of love - personal truth of individual emotions and thoughts of an human being.
So you are nominated to the JANASILVER LOVE AWARD of this month.
Congratulations!
Thank you for the nomination :)