A Crazy Trick to Write Difficult Things That Really works!
Don't write about it in order to be able to write about it ;)
Instead, write about what didn't happen.
Sometimes a traumatic event will cause blockages in your mind. It's a perfectly natural self-protective mechanism. Some people relive it over and over as the body's way of numbing you by repetition, and other times the body chooses to slide it in the back of your mind's darkest closet to essentially ignore so as not to have to feel the pain by thinking about the event.
As a trauma writing coach, I help people who have been through hardship heal through writing. I have survived a kidnapping and attempted murder, one son's finger amputation (and successful reattachment,) another son being run over by a car and attacked by three vicious dogs (thankfully not in the same year,) two other physical attacks on my self... I have been dealt a few other unbecoming cards in my life, but these have been the most difficult.
I have found healing through writing. I find that writing about the traumatic event is very therapeutic, even if I am writing just for me knowing that no one else will ever see it, it is medicinal and curative to not only the healing process but to my job as a writer, too. My loved ones noticed this and I gently helped them deal with difficult things through writing, and it progressed from there. Healing by writing about it really works.
But what if you can't write about it?
What if you are suffering from a blockage, and your psyche is refusing to distribute the words onto the paper?
If you find yourself struggling with writing about the traumatic event, stop trying. Hey, it may for a good reason. Instead, write about what didn't happen.
This creates distance; between the now you and the then you, and between you and the trauma.
My beautiful star sister @shawnamawna is the culprit- she started this whole thing! I have been having trouble writing about a traumatic event for a number of weeks now. I was originally inspired to write about this particular matter in my column at the website she edits relationshipblogger.com. It involves a handful of government officials, so yes, it is a touchy subject. And one that could get them (and me) in trouble, so of course there is the "tread lightly" element, but that is not the reason I am facing difficulties telling the story publicly. My psyche is simply snagged because it was pretty scary.
@shawnamawna suggested I try writing about what did not happen to create distance. She gave me a couple other recommendations: writing the account from second or third person, and removing yourself from the event and adding later when it feels right.
Writing as therapy for life's sorrows works on a very deep level. If you are struggling with it, be kind to yourself. You went through something painful and documenting it on paper is not easy. Give yourself the gift of patience and compassion. You deserve it, after all :)
Write to heal. Because it is your right to heal <3
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I always wonder about how people choose their names for sites like this, from what you have accounted in this post, the "kitten" portion of your name says to me "9 lives" . Surviving is the most important thing, being able to get it on paper is just a matter of time and when the time is right for you we will be here to read it and support you. Don't beat yourself up over it, use the "mind over matter" technique that I use, "if you don't mind it : it don't matter"
Best wishes.
Thank you for your kind words my friend. I appreciate your support <3
Writing is a good outlet for many people, but one must be careful to balance loneliness and solitude as a paradox of writing can be that in order to fulfill the urge to communicate something to others, you end up spending huge amounts of time on your own. I'm thinking writing therapy would be best achieved in smaller doses?
Oh yes of course take it easy and go at a comfortable pace whenever you are dealing with any form of trauma healing :)
I never thought about what it is I do to get past writers block but its this, If I get stuck I move onto a different part of the story, I often cut and paste parts as I remember where they fit as part of my life the traumatic part is all out of whack and I found that until I started writing about it there were parts I had completely blocked out. I often find myself crying and writing those parts. its very liberating and freeing, writing about it gave me acceptance. True acceptance which I didn't know I was even missing until it came. Funny things like that. Sorry I think I may have wandered off point but I appreciate your writing and the things you share, I don't always have time to comment so now I have a second, thanks for what you do!
This is perfect. You have found a way that works for you <3 Write on sister! Gentle hugs to you :)
What a great idea, thank you for sharing. Over the summer, I was tasked with writing about a very traumatic series of events, and I just felt re-traumatized every single time I attempted to document the chain of events. I like the idea of writing about what DIDN'T happen, as a way to create distance. Could you please give an example, so I make sure I've understood correctly?
Thanks in advance.
P.S. I've used a quote from you in a couple of my posts, I hope you don't mind. It was a great quote.
So what I have been doing is writing the night as basically a fiction story. What should have happened, or what would have happened had it been a perfect night.
Say you were in a car wreck on your way to a wedding reception. Write a story about you getting in your car, an uneventful ride, then detail having fun at the party, then driving home and crawling into bed safely.
That it is brilliant, I'm going to try it. I'll also recommend it to others, thank you for the idea.
"Write to Heal" this is something worth trying,. Thank you ms. @arbitrarykitten For this very helpful blog, during my high school days I used to have a diary and everyday I'm writing everything that's happening to me, maybe that's why I'm feeling bad about something, after I finished my diary for that day I feel so releive and light.... maybe i should do this again.... ❤️😊
Yes! Try it! Let me know how it goes <3
@arbitrarykitten mam...
The decision making process is never easy. No matter how many tricks you have up your sleeve, you're bound to lose a little sleep over the big decisions. If you're really struggling, here are a few ways to make the process a little easier on yourself as you work through all the possibilities.
Big decisions cause serious stress in your life. Buying a house, getting married, getting divorced, moving across the country, quitting your job, or just deciding what movie to see, can all drain our willpower. Thankfully, you can run through certain exercises that help you through the decision making process. I recently decided on a cross country move. These tips helped me make the choice of where and when I wanted to go..
That's great to hear :)
That is a great writing tip! And I am so glad you had the skills to survive, those are some seriously tough breaks.
Thank you <3
a very useful post. success continues to work for the good of all
True story
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