Cats Really Do Have It Made ~ IWAS Vol. 2 No. 4.k ~ Original Story of Sorts ~

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Cats have a great life. They have only ONE real obligation.

I was lying in bed this morning, pondering the advent of the day, thinking about finally arising for my daily AM ablutions, when I noticed that Stinky the Cat had snuck into the room sometime during the night.

Normally she gets to sleep out in the living room or other parts of the house. Her constant preening, scratch-combing, shifting from sleep position A to sleep position Q every few minutes, and other, in-general cat-erly messing about don't really add a good-night to the sleep experience.

It's not that I'm all that hard to get along with, from a Stinky the Cat point of view. I just like my sleep, without her continually interrupting me throughout the night.

Lying there, watching her snore away in a furry ball, deeply burrowed into the down comforter, half upside down, cute little end of her pink tongue sticking out through her front, gap-toothed smile, snoring away in her adorable, nasal, little grunty-pig way, she looked very content. I guess “content” doesn't even come close. She looked to be in complete Kitty Heaven.

For some reason, I'd never really thought much about it, at least in an overt, conscious sort of way...

Cats Really DO Have It Made.

It is truly amazing. They have just one thing they HAVE to do, to keep them in good stead with those folks they let live with them. That's it. One thing. All the rest are taken care of for them.

Feeling a bit hungry just now Kitty? All you have to do is let your people know. Gentle meowing works well in most households. Pushing against the lower legs in an endearing sort of way works even better. Throwing in that cute purr-meow-trill thingy you do will make leg rubbing even MORE effective. Actual scientific research shows that humans are totally helpless in ignoring that sound...just as they are powerless to ignore a gurgling, tiny baby human. No wonder it works.

All Kitty has to do is rub away at the feet and shins. Now throw in that trill-purr thing while furring up the pant legs, taking time to look up now and then, all the while batting those endearingly large, colorful eyes towards the human's upper-direction for greater effect. The food dish gets filled in a hurry.

"Do you think I'd get breakfast a whole lot faster if I chased that squirrel...the one I idly watched cross the front yard yesterday? Catch the squirrel? You've got to be kidding...I saw that whole new stack of Friskies in the pantry yesterday. Squirrels don't come with a can opener. Or a person who knows how to operate it. Why do you think we're so high up on the evolutionary scale...good looks?"

Some cats decide to go in the other direction, performing the annoying, nonstop caterwauling meow thing. "Feed Me NeOWWWW!!" That can work, but sometimes backfires, leading to a quick trip out the front door. Entirely dependent on the human person's daily mood, and how enamored they are with this whole cat thing. If they are really smitten with the kitty, and it's a good day, the constant nag WILL work. It's just a bit risky. Kitty must know his or her people well, test the waters, and work it out accordingly.

And if the people of the house don't plan well enough ahead, and...heaven forbid...run OUT of those cans or bags of food in the pantry? Not a big problem. They jog right out, fire up the Subaru, drive ten miles across town, be it in snow, sleet, hail, or the dark of night, just to get some more food for the cat. I'm pretty sure whoever designed the US Postal Service Creed had at least one cat, and an all-weather, all-wheel drive Subaru.

And what of this napping thing? My cat seems to be at her happiest sleeping about 26 hours a day. Find a good, soft, warm place in the sun, and the day is pretty well set. The typical human house has about 1700 different places the cat can sleep, depending on the window orientation and the daily traverse of the sun.

I've never been there, but I'm betting that a cat living on the equator never gets ANYTHING done. But as for these Northern Hemisphere four-legger's, just about anywhere soft will do. As the Kitty Handbook of Behavioral Etiquette: What To Do With Your Human... the book all cats receive at birth...succinctly points out in Chapter 2, concerning The Fine Art of Sleep: “...THE PILE OF FRESHLY FOLDED CLEAN LAUNDRY WORKS BEST FOR THE DAILY NAP.”

Yes, the kitties have us well trained, and as such, have it made.

"The water dish has a bug in it."
OK, I'll dump it out in the sink and get some new water.
"I need to go out of doors for a short while now."
OK, I'll get the door.
" I need to come back in now, my feet are getting damp."
OK, I'll let you back in.
" Pet me now, Please."
OK, how many hours should I sit here and rub your head?
"My little rubber toy shaped like those snakes in the yard went under the refrigerator again."

OK, I'll drop whatever I'm doing, get the yard stick, lay on my stomach in the kitchen, push dust bunnies all around and out, and find the red toy snake. Then go to the closet, get the broom and vacuum cleaner, round up the dust bunnies, put them in the trash, then put the broom and vacuum away in the closet once more.

"My little rubber snake thing went under there again."

So what is that one thing a cat has to do? It came to me, as I was lying in bed, watching my cat splayed out on the covers, all comfy and content. The bathroom box. That is the ONE thing they HAVE to do...in all of their KittyVille existence, within the house we share. We even provide the box for them.

They have one thing they have to do, and do it right. Get the south, business end of Kitty, over and within the litter-box wall, all parts in the right direction concerning the organizational end of things. That is about it.

We provide the kitty litter. We provide the box. Heck, some people even provide those electric, SELF-CLEANING kittyboxes. Either way...we clean it up, whenever it needs to be done. And heaven help us, lest we forget, and run out of that litter stuff. Big Oh Dear. We jog back out to the Subaru once more, in all kinds of weather, and rush out to get more. Sometimes even driving beyond the speeding limit, when compared to a standard, run-of-the-mill Friskies' crisis.

That is the ONE thing that I can think of, that a cat is required to do on a daily basis. Go to the bathroom, correctly, in the box we provide. I want a life like this.

But then, who am I to begrudge my cat and her great life? At least the underside of my refrigerator gets cleaned out more often than if I didn't have a Kitty in the house. And because of this, I do find the occasional olive or other errant foodstuff that rolled away during dinner prep.

Now if I could just train Stinky the Cat to handle a yardstick, to help me out next time. Then again, I'm pretty sure that's not on her list of thing(s) she has to do today.

~FINTO~

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Please Check Out My Other Posts, If You So Desire
~ALL ORIGINAL CONTENT~

SHORT STORY-HUMOR
Ottoman Mars-Big Game Hunters From Mars
The Department Of OMG-Ottoman Mars
A Letter From The Cat
To Be A Bee At The End Of "To Be"-IWAS Vo.2. No.3
Happy Curmudgeon Halloween
ABSTRUSITIES
"Moonrise" Over Solace
Shoe Shots No. 1
It'sa Dog's Life-Work

POETRY
One Minute Poem-Ode To The First of November
CARTOON
Oh To Be A Cat Today
PHOTOGRAPHY
Split-Sunset Tree//IfTulipsGrewOnMars // A Grassy Road After Winter Rains // Fall Leaf In Difficult Light-Color // Simple Sunset-Color // Shrubbry Up Close-B&W // Photo Challenge 15/Spider Webs-Humor-Autumn Beauty // Photo Challenge 15/Spider Webs 2 // Photography Challenge 15/Spider Webs 1