Great Moments In History Began With Baby "Steps" | Dealing With Racism As An Adoptee

It's amazing to watch our kids grow and learn to do things we didn't even have to teach them! Squirt has mastered the army crawl. She saw me drinking from a glass and made her way over to see what I had. I've never seen her move so fast!

Matt and I tried to imitate crawling for them months ago. We helped them scoot their legs and pull with their arms. But to no avail. They just weren't ready to crawl. Suddenly, they're doing it all on their own!

It's a good reminder that our kids will pick up things whether we intend for them to or not. While we can easily see some of the things they're learning, others will be harder to identify.

One of the first lessons I remember learning

When I was 6, my parents took my sister and me back to the country where I was born. We stayed for about 3 weeks with friends. During that time, we visited a kindergarten, went shopping, saw the sites and mostly tried to do things like the locals.

Looking back, six is a young age, but I remember that visit clearly. It was the first time I realized I looked different from my sister. She has blonde hair and blue eyes. In the humidity, her hair curls. So at 5 years old, she could've been a double for Shirley Temple.

You'd think that the difference between us was obvious, but we grew up together, did everything together, and for many years we were each others' best friends. Though I knew we weren't the same, I didn't realize that people saw us differently until that trip.

Almost as soon as we arrived, old ladies were asking to take pictures with my sister. Half-asking, half-assuming, the ladies would grab my sister and pull her in for a picture. Used to doing everything with her, I moved in alongside only to have them shoo me away.

I never asked my parents about it. Instead, my six-year-old self figured out that I wasn't welcome in my birth country. Whether it was because they knew I didn't grow up there or because I didn't look like my sister, I understood that I was being rejected for the second time.

What our children are learning

Watching Squirt and thinking back on my past, I'm realizing how important it is to think about the things our children are learning because of us and without us. Not only are they picking up the things we say and do, they're also making inferences about the world as they see it.

As their mother, I want to do my best to equip my daughters to communicate what they're experiencing and what they're learning. That doesn't mean putting words in their mouths or defining it for them. Instead, I hope I can provide a safe place for them to talk about their thoughts. To give them time to work out what they think is happening ... and be patient when it doesn't come out in a way I understand or in the way they want it to.

As an adoptee, their world will look different from many of their peers.

People say the darnedest things ... to adoptees

All of us have to learn how to respond to what people say to us and about us. While most things we can prepare our children for, one thing my parents didn't have help with and couldn't prepare me for, were the things people say to and about adoptees.

"Oh, are you an exchange student?"
"Do you know your mom?" (Yes ... this is my mom ...)
"Where are you from? (I'm from here) ... No, I mean, where are you from?" (Ummm... outer space?)
"What are you?"
"I bet you like Asian food."

Most of these comments aren't intended to be hurtful, but as a kid, they're a reminder that because you look different, people want to ask questions. Most of the time, they're curious. And it's an opportunity to be a trainer, to educate them what it's like to be an adoptee.

Then there are those who don't really want to hear my response. At first that was hard to understand. I felt like I must be giving them the wrong answer. But as I got older, I realized that my response just didn't fit inside their worldview.

There are a lot more resources now for adoptive parents to walk through these situations with their children. But even then, there will still be things our children learn without us.

Painful lessons

For example, I don't think anything could've prepared me for some of the more hurtful comments I got when I was older.

In college, I was told by my Asian-American supervisor during a "racial awareness" breakout session that he "hated adoptees" because they could hide behind their white identities.

In a country where I was working as a teacher, I was chased down by a truck and thrown money at because in that culture, "all" Asians were there as prostitutes.

In some places I've lived, it's also shameful for me to share that I was adopted. Rather than seeing the good, they focus on the fact that it means I was unwanted and "had" to grow up in a different culture.

Looking back, it's easy to identify the bad worldviews, insecurities, and misconceptions that led to those situations. However, in the moment, it's easy to feel scared or confused. Sometimes, I've even spent weeks afterward trying to figure out what I'd done wrong or what I could've done differently.

Memories brought on by the present

That may seem like a lot to contemplate just because Squirt is becoming mobile. But her "one crawl" for baby-kind wasn't the only reason for my "giant leap" into the past.

Racial issues still overtake us today. And not just for being adopted ... as of late, we've been in the crossfires of a "discussion" over "interracial" marriage. We didn't go looking for the argument, but we find ourselves in it. I've been feeling a bit battered, but thankful that this is another issue we can walk through and hopefully prepare our girls for (though the best result of the discussion would be to make it a non-issue by the time the girls are grown.)

What's something from your past that you made sure (or want to make sure) to teach your children?

If you're interested in reading the rest of our story:

• Intro: Surprise, we have twins! The story behind why I fell off the face of Planet Steemit...
• Part 1: Babies can be victims of human trafficking too
• Part 2: Bringing home the twins
• Part 3: They don't come with a manual | Taking care of twins
• Part 4: Two love stories and understanding the twins' loss
• Part 5: Feeding the twins, feeding ourselves, and working full-time
• Part 6: Twins, not twins & going out with preemie babies
• Part 7: Taking a family vacation with twins to Cameron Highlands
• Part 8: Night intruder | Our vacation to Cameron Highlands continued
• Part 9: Ending the year as parents and celebrating the twins' first Christmas
• Part 10: What it takes to be the Superdad of twin babies
• Part 11: The twins eat solids and get new nicknames!
• Part 12: Adoption & Attachment | How a baby handles grief and loss
• Part 13: Infant survival swimming lessons with the twins | Our "Baby Minnows" go underwater
• Part 14: The Steemit Twins are cranky | Is it the state of crypto that's got them down?

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