NOTES FROM AN AMATEUR WRITER #49 - Conversation With My Multiple Selves
Notes From an Amateur Writer #49
This Blog series is an exercise in creative writing. Sometimes expressed in short story form, sometimes as a journal, or just my thoughts written down. It is a nursery of sorts for the stories that are on their way, or yet to be written.
This is post 19 in @dragosroua's January 30 day writing challenge.
Conversation With My Multiple Selves
"You have to finish the story. You'll mess up your schedule if you don't. You know – your neat, orderly schedule. The one that your inner OCD gremlin agrees with." My Muse's dark side was remonstrating with me. She appeared genuinely angry. Trying to push me on, like an athletic coach. Go further, go harder, don't stop. Except I had to stop. I was exhausted.
I had been feeling run down. Nothing serious. But I had a sense of fatigue that I couldn't shake. I tried sleeping it off, but no, it still persisted. So I just had to relax and breath deeply, and accept the current reality. I have been getting better at accepting the current reality as it occurs. Not always easy. But it has helped lower stress levels. Stress and I seem to have a healthier working relationship than we once did. He doesn't slap me around quite as hard these days. But I still need to keep an eye on him.
As for my Muse having a dark side, well that was news to me. I thought there was only the one of her. Or at least I thought there was the one side to her personality. But then I thought the same about myself once upon a time. So I have been wrong before. But man, she was pushing me, and I couldn't complete the task given to me. It wasn't happening. It wasn't going to happen either. It was time to rest.
"I know about the schedule. That was my own predetermined construct. Nobody is forcing that issue upon me."
She looked at me aghast. Eyes unblinking for too long a period of time to be natural. I think I may have said the wrong thing.
She eventually closed her eyes and opened her mouth. "You need to write. You need to publish. There is work to be done." Out came more demands. This wasn't going to be easy.
"I do write. I write everyday. I write perhaps in the vicinity of a thousand words everyday. Sometimes more. And I read – a lot. But now I need to slow down. I give myself permission to do that. And that's final." Am I allowed to speak to the drill sergeant in such a manner? I hope I am not about to enter a world of pain.
"You disappoint me."
Oh god, my Muse's dark side sounds like my mother. How did that happen? And Freud, you can stay away – no one asked for your opinion.
"Don't worry about her. Just rest up and relax for a bit."
Wait, who was that? My mother has a good side too. After all these years, how did I not know this?
"Who are you?" The words left my mouth tentatively. The little speck of sense that had still existed was drying up rapidly.
"I am the good side of your Muse."
"So there are two of you?"
"No, just the one."
I turned to look at those present, and I was sure I could see two of them in front of me. I pointed each of them out, and looked back to the 'good' Muse. She smiled back at me, but said nothing.
"So where were you then, whilst I was getting lambasted?"
"Sorry I was held up."
"Doing what?"
"Rearranging your writing schedule and material so you could rest up. You're good to go now. I found some other material you can use to keep the challenge going. Just add some blurb to it, and away you go. You'll be right."
"So you don't mind?"
"I don't. Not at all. But she on the other hand." She stopped mid-sentence and looked over to her compatriot. They seemed to be having a silent conversation, and I wasn't invited to be a part of it. They were communicating in a language devoid of sound. But something seemed to be relayed.
"Well I'll leave you two to sort out your differences. I'm going to sleep."
"I'll wake you at zero six hundred hours. We have writing to do." My drill sergeant Muse's dark half looked straight at me. But I saw a glimmer, a quick spurt of light. A slight smile trying to enter in.
"Be careful or he'll write a story about you," my Muse's more gentle side said, speaking directly to her twin.
"Thanks for the idea," I said. I meant it. I could actually use that.
They both turned to me in unison. "We're your Muse, that's what we do."
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you liked it then please like, comment, and follow.
@naquoya
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Links to earlier works
- Fiction
My Fiction Writing Collection
Writing Myself Out of Existence
When the Levee Breaks
- Blog Posts
Notes #1 - #39 - Notes From An Amateur Writer Collection
Notes #40 - Read, Write, and Face the Future
Notes #41 - What Are Some Of Your Favourite Books?
Notes #42 - Website Review: Fiction University
Notes #43 - Seeking a Community Of Writers
Notes #44 - What Are Some of Your Favourite Characters?
Notes #45 - When Madness Came Knocking
Notes #46 - Why Do I Write?
-Ramble On (Humour based travel blog)
Introducing My New Travel Blog
Making a Deal With the Devil
-Poetry
To be safe, I always look at everyone with a dual perspective. Everyone has a shadow, after all. Deadlines, targets.. they have their benefits, but I know their consequences all too well. That's why this year, I resolved to not be under their control. The target I set upon myself was probably one of the leading cause of my fatigue last year. So, I just take what I can get, and not pressure myself too much. You're already posting so steadily, and that in itself is already very impressive, mate. After the challenge, maybe throttle it back to every other day, or when your Muse inspires you. I've set a minimum of 10 posts a month for me, so I feel like that's sustainable enough. Perhaps you should think of doing the same, or just easing out of the daily routine after this month.
The challenge seems to have petered out, judging by the lack of statement from the originator. But i'll stick with it. Part of successfully making it through is correct use of energy and planning, so it is teaching me a lot. After that then I will work out a more ideal schedule, but it probably wont involve daily writing (almost certain of that).
I like writing and posting, but I'm looking forward to putting in mire time on writing larger pieces to get reading for submitting in the hopes of publishing. So that may also take up time. Again, this is where learning how to plan properly will come in handy.
I felt the same way at about this mark. What I did was I removed the originator's name and just mentioned I was doing a 30-day challenge for myself.
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I really like how you "talk" your thoughts,
It's like you're having a conversation with your words.
I really enjoyed reading this post - thank you very much
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for letting me know. I like writing these internal dialogue type experiences. Very much suits my style of writing.
Lol Accurate. My present dilemma
I'm glad you can relate, although I feel for you!
Thanks for your comment.
i really need to get back to creative writing eh....
Creative writing can be a wonderful experience. Whether journaling, or blogging, I find it beneficial. Go for it.
Lado bueno y lado malo, siempre presentes y creo que necesarios.
Interesante narración.
Are you testing me out on my Spanish? The good side and bad side are always there?
Yes they are, some days more of one, other days it changes.
Thank you for your comment (and test :) )
I regret, I read in English because the cell phone automatically translates the texts, according to the translator you speak of a dark side of your mother and another not dark, so the comment, although could be that the teaductor is crazy and sending a subliminal message
Hecho con Google traductor 😋
No problem at all. I wish I could read Spanish. I am learning it, but slowly. It's a beautiful language. And yes, Google translation is not the best, but it helps a little.
The post was more to do with the dark side of my Muse (Google probably fixated on the mention of my mother, but that's okay).
Thank you for commenting, and allowing this cross language communication.
I like this :) The truce between Muses and now it is time to be. Nothing creative will come out if it is forced anyway.
Thank you. This post came out of it, but you're right, it wasn't forced. Forced work would probably lack something vital.
I think I'll be a frequenter to your blog, was going thru "A trip down memory" and then found this article... I am not a good writer but we all have stories to tell whether well written or not... trying to learn from your blog though :)
Thank you for the visit, and for looking at other posts. I hope you find something that you like, or that inspires you. I find the more you write (even privately in a journal) then the better you will get. But do write, and see how you go.
Aw, dude. I love this!! Well done!
I'm very happy to hear that. Thank you.
Outstanding work @naquoya! Your writing abilities are rivaled only by your creativity. Both impressive! I enjoyed this passage in particular - " "Who are you?" The words left my mouth tentatively. The little speck of sense that had still existed was drying up rapidly." Bad ass! Keep up the great work, I look forward to digging into your posts!
Thank you kindly. Truly happy that you liked it. Feedback from readers is always appreciated, especially ones with great taste in novels and authors. I have links at the end of each post for some of my previous works, if that helps, otherwise thanks for the visit and all the best.