My Life in a Fat Suit - Why do We Accept Size Discrimination?

My Life Changed Pretty Quickly...and Drastically

About a year and a half ago I started to gain some weight. Ok, not some weight, a lot of weight. And I quickly realized that the world started to see me in a vastly different way.

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Prior to being overweight myself I never participated in any body shaming or casual fat jokes. But I also never realized the gravity of the problem. Like any decent human being, I knew it was wrong but experiencing it is an entirely different thing. I suddenly wasn't even myself anymore. My entire identity became my weight. I was fat me, and no longer just the me everyone knew and loved. I was ignored, I was pitied, I was ridiculed and I was discriminated against.

When You're Overweight Salespeople Ignore You

The first time I realized the world was looking at me differently I was out clothes shopping. I'd gained weight, but was still able to shop in my usual places. Much different size, but same store I always shopped, same sales people, same number of dollars being spent. I browsed the store and noticed several sales people standing around doing nothing. Not a single person approached me asking if I needed help. This is not normal retail behavior. You know how it is, you're just looking and they're constantly coming up to you asking if you need anything, telling you about the specials, asking if they can get a room started for you.

Public Ridicule Happens Regularly

I was a long distance runner for many years. As I gained the weight, I never stopped running. It became more difficult, but I kept the distance, just with a slower time. I still ran 4-5 times a week. Before, when I was thinner, I never noticed anyone looking at me while I ran. I ran the same route, more or less, every time. Every once in awhile somebody would stop to comment on how pretty my running partner (my dog) is, but that was it. Never any interaction with passers by. That's not the case when you're running with extra pounds. Many times, too many to count, random people (of all ages) would point and laugh at me. On two separate occasions, people made cattle noises. In the gym a random person once asked me "are you sure?" when I set my treadmill speed. I was being stared at by both men and women in the gym. Sometimes with a "good for you" (sympathy) kind of look, and sometimes a "wtf is SHE doing here" (disgust) kind of look. People that use to small talk with me while on the treadmill suddenly acted like they didn't know me. I'd gone to this gym for 6 years.

It's Not OK and It's Not Funny

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I started to notice television was openly fat shaming. Sit-coms thinking it's totally ok for men to make jokes about their blind dates being overweight. Overweight characters having zero value to the program outside of their comedic value. Stereotypical "fat and jovial" was everywhere. And don't even get me started on the beauty myth and the fashion industry...

In line at the grocery store just recently a woman was talking to the checker about a sale on blueberries. She was carrying on and on about how good they are for you and how "it's all about limiting sugar". Soon I noticed she was supposedly talking to the checker, yet she was looking directly at me. She's shaking her head saying that people don't have to be overweight, if they just watched the sugar. Belly weight is horribly dangerous and comes 100% from poor diet. Again, looking directly at me as she speaks. In that moment, I snapped a photo of my items on the conveyor belt and decided to write this post.

If you look carefully, you'll see there is a divider right after my greens and her Reece's.

I can go on and on about all the little examples of people I know asking me "are you sure?" when I order food. When people GASPED at the idea of me out there online dating. "Don't you want to lose the weight first?". And yes, I did have to deal with online ridicule and ostracizing. The number of men demanding a full body photo before they'd even talk to me was astounding. I'm not negating that attraction matters. But the point here is that by stating in my profile (body type is a listed category to answer) "a few extra pounds" and entire population of men ruled me out sight unseen.

Even the Medical Community Discriminated

So I'm in my early 40s and I'm starting to see some weight gain. Most people would say that's mostly normal. Metabolism changes, etc. Well I was gaining a lot, and quickly. Zero lifestyle or nutrition modification and I'm gaining 4-5 lbs a week. Something is clearly wrong. I went to my family doctor, and he immediately gave me a restricted calorie plan and told me to stick to this and come back in 8 weeks. So I starved myself. 1,200 calories when you run 30 miles a week is not a solid plan. But doctor's orders, so I did. And I came back in 8 weeks 26 lbs heavier.

You Must Not Have Stuck to the Plan

Bullshit. Here's my food log. I weighed and recorded everything I put in my mouth. Something is wrong, you need to do some tests. They did a thyroid test which came back normal. I insisted we test for other things. The doctor insisted I was not being honest about my menus and that I was a couch potato. Numerous other doctors and specialists refused to dig deeper into my mystery weight gain. They all stereotyped me and pointed fingers at lifestyle.

In the process of trying to figure out what's wrong I go on a little vacation with a friend of mine. I stumble doing something stupid (day drinking) and twisted up my ankle pretty badly. The foot doctor who is a friend of mine says that the weight must have done it. Just assumed I was putting too much strain on my body. Never asked me how it happened.

Nearly everyone, strangers, friends, family and medical professionals assumed I was lazy and not eating properly. I lost credibility; people didn't take me seriously anymore.

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Yet, I am the SAME person I was before. I just look different

But My Identity Changed

So imagine any of the little scenarios above but change fat/overweight to a non-white race or a handicap. Would it be as acceptable to society? Of course not. Now I'm not saying that jokes and discrimination don't happen to those folks too, because it does and it's wrong. But generally speaking the world recognizes it as wrong. We're not there yet with size.

Fast forward to a little less than a year ago, and 4-5 doctors later. Turned out I had a tumor on my pituitary gland that caused the weight. I'm on the mend now, and slowly but surely the weight is coming off. But that's not the point. The point here is that based ENTIRELY on my physical appearance the world treated me differently. I am a confident, comfortable in my own skin person that was slowly knocked down by daily finger pointing. Based solely on how I looked people made assumptions about how I lived my life. And the media makes it ok for this to happen. There are some Hollywood types doing some great things to promote body image health among women. But we have a long way to go.

I felt like less of a human. I felt unworthy of things that bring me joy. I missed social engagements, and I spent more time alone. All of this due to external interactions. I am a strong person, yet this impacted me in ways I never thought I would allow to happen. I can't imagine how it would be for somebody that already has some insecurity struggles.

A woman's VALUE is NOT in her physical beauty

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