Johnny [Original Poetry]
The steemit community was recently rocked by the suicide of a key member. While I did not have the honor of knowing Laura, I was deeply saddened by her death- I too lost a good friend to this epidemic a couple years ago. I ache for everyone who is missing a Laura-pieced shape from their heart. I wrote this poem the day after I learned of Johnny's death, when I wasn't sure if I had any words... but they found me anyway. I hope they bring someone, somewhere, some comfort.
Johnny
You always did things without thinking them through,
Despite being the smartest person I know.
I guess it should be past tense now
But nothing about you was ever past tense.
You are always present.
Something in me
refuses to accept that you're gone.
That you left us
Lost and at a loss-
Something in me
wants to call your number and rail at your voicemail
wants to message you on Facebook and tell you to quit being an idiot
wants to ask you why
and didn't you know that....
I always joked that I could drag people back
Maybe you're just testing me.
I failed.
Did you feel like a failure?
We failed you.
The last thing I said to you was
"I don't know"
If only I knew how immense that truth was.
Maybe we should have talked less about books
and more about how you were part of me.
How a chunk of my childhood
could choose to die
I'll never know.
Words seem unreal surreal disassociated
despite the fact that we both worshipped at that same wordsaint altar all our lives.
When did the sum of them stop being enough?
Question marks embedded on my broken soul
Maybe you really did think this one through.
Maybe you knew the world didn't deserve you.
My Patron Saint of Lost Causes
1987-2015
If you are considering suicide, or just need someone to talk to, please consider getting help:
US residents:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
Online Chat
Crisis Text Line
Here is the link for international users
If you liked my poetry, please consider checking out some of my other work
Alien
Alter/Deny
Dirty Angel
Art and text property of the author. Photo of Johnny is property of his family and used with permission
The loss of suicide is never quite buried in our souls. I'm so sorry about your friend John, and about Laura. I lost my mom to suicide when I was 38. Nothing prepares you for it and it takes a long time to let yourself let them go. There's just something different about death by Suicide that leaves us wondering why?
Exactly- suicide always leaves that giant question mark. I'm so sorry that you lost your mother; I'm at a loss for words. You can never know what another person is going through and there's only so much that you can do sometimes. It's been two years and I still text him because for me, he's still around.
your poem is amazing!
Thank you!
R.I.P. to Johnny and Laura.
I have also lost some close friends of mine that way. Two of my best friends growing up, actually.
May pained hearts find peace. <3
Loved your painting & poem.
Thank you! It's crazy to me that it's so prevalent. I have been suicidal as well, off and on since I hit puberty. It breaks my heart that it affects so many people and there is so little real help. I'm sorry that you lost your friends. I hope there is some peace somewhere in this world for everyone.
I so feel what you are saying. And I'm glad that you are here now and that we can both truly understand what it is to be in that place, to be able to witness for others.
And also thank you for what you said about my friends. It's been one of those shocks I think that I never will ever recover from, and I'm just happy that it gave me an awareness of what this is...if there's something good that can be derived from such a sad thing.
@originalworks
The @OriginalWorks bot has determined this post by @sunravelme to be original material and upvoted it!
To call @OriginalWorks, simply reply to any post with @originalworks or !originalworks in your message!
To nominate this post for the daily RESTEEM contest, upvote this comment! The user with the most upvotes on their @OriginalWorks comment will win!
For more information, Click Here!
This post recieved an upvote from minnowpond. If you would like to recieve upvotes from minnowpond on all your posts, simply FOLLOW @minnowpond
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by sunravelme from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews/crimsonclad, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows and creating a social network. Please find us in the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
This post was resteemed by @resteembot!
Good Luck!
Curious? Check out:
The @resteembot users are a small but growing community.
Check out the other resteemed posts in resteembot's feed.
Some of them are truly great.
This post has received a 0.52 % upvote from @drotto thanks to: @banjo.
Resteemed to over 4000 followers and 100% upvoted. Thank you for using my service!
Read here how the new bot from Berlin works.
@resteem.bot