A QUEST OF NOT BECOMING CORRUPT

I decided to write another piece.

It is about being as less corrupt as it can get. People on steemit write a lot of things about how it should be in general. But I often miss personal stories of where a risk is being told and a real event is being experienced. There are people here doing that and I want to thank them for their inspiration. They are my greatest hope and joy as they connect themselves to themselves.

No matter if you are on a real journey (traveling) or on an inner path, it counts, where you took a risk and flew without a net and a double security device.

Do you have a story to tell where you went through an experience which felt dangerous at that moment?

I don't particularly talk about "extraordinary" events like freeclimbing a cliff or sailing rough waters, which of course count as a story nevertheless.

• Have you said "no" to your boss who asked you to fulfill a task which you did not want to take on?
• Have you dared to open up a conflict and tortured another one so energetically that you lost his friendship?
• Were you wandering the streets of a neighborhood which are known as utterly dangerous?
• Have you broken the standards of conversations and exposed yourself as a target of almost everyone in the room?

What were the consequences of all those mentioned actions or omissions and did you feel afterwards not as a victim but count it as a victory without having caused a total damage?

How did it feel? What have you learned from your wounds and experiences? Were you on the verge of (literally or metaphorically) death and survived it or were you witnessing another person going through that?

Have you reminded others (friends, family, colleagues) of their responsibilities? Have you made yourself unpopular with certain statements of yours and took the risk of being disliked? Have you shown yourself as vulnerable and in need knowing already the answer of another one would be a "no"?

Have you revealed your greatest and darkest experience to others where no solution whatsoever could take away your pain?

To be brave does not mean to shift risks on the shoulders of others.

It means to stay accountable for your own mistakes.

Now I will use my own examples of saving myself from being corrupted. I am not having in mind to show off and to be praised for my courage. I write about it so you can get your joy out of it and take it as an example that other ordinary people stay true to themselves.

After the company, I worked for and which was run by my former husband and my current partner went down I had to seek for a new job. I was back then having a three-year-old to care for and shared responsibility with his father. We chose the half-half-model of caretaking so nobody of us had to pay for the other child support. We stayed in the same street and our boy was spending one week at his fathers home and one week at mine. So it went. I applied for a private employment agency who were very picky about their candidates.

They thoroughly examined me, asked me about my professional stations and assessed my personality. For this, I went through various tests, interviews, and questionnaires. I was nervous like hell. A commercial law firm in an expensive downtown area was looking for a marketing representative. The company owners were wealthy men who could afford to hire an extra force and pay the expensive recruitment agency.

After I had passed everything and was found good and worthy to take up the position, I was invited to the interview. I entered a stately building and finally the rooms of the company where it smelled of a lot of money and one could have heard a pin fall, so much the carpet muffled my steps. As it turned out, the two managing directors were extremely friendly people and far more human than I would have guessed. They were also family fathers with a healthy sense for their children and they liked me just as much as the other way around. After the interview, it became clear that they would like to engage me. But as nice as I found it there and as much as I could have pushed my salary upwards, I felt that neither the money nor the status of working for such a noble law firm could attract me. In my heart I am a working-class child and not a lover of high finance. Since I had actually been invited to an appointment at AOL, I told the men that I had made up my mind and unfortunately had to decline their offer. They were very disappointed, as were the recruiters, Mr. and Mrs. Schmidt, who told me that they had never met anyone with my profile before and that I was bringing something they would miss in many other candidates. I think they were talking about integrity.

I never regretted this decision although I would have really liked the directors, but not the industry. I could have had everything, a company car, a good salary and much more. And I would have been the only one who would have been in charge of marketing. I could have picked assistants and whatnot. I would have managed a nice budget. My retirement provision would have grown a lot and my son would be happy about all the material things I could have bought him with it. But I remained in my artificially scarce world. My concept of life had always been basically the same, even though I was less aware of it in the past. I have always preferred independence to good pay.

For a while, I felt like a coward. I thought my decision was based on a lack of courage. For example, I said to myself that I had been afraid to sell my assets. In fact, I had reservations and rightly so. If I exchange the word "fear" for the word "reservation", it makes more sense and I do not need to accuse myself of cowardice.
Furthermore, I had the impression that I should have adapted my appearance to the company, i.e. dressed in costume and skirt and pumps, as this is the clothing standard in this industry. I also rightly rejected this for myself, because I had long since grown beyond the mini skirt and the high heels.

All in all, that was my guess, I would have made an artificial being out of myself, which would have had to adapt to the fluffy carpet and I knew: This was not my world. So I chose the more difficult path and turned away from recruitment. That was about ten years ago and since then I have lived from hand to mouth. Afterwards I tried another employee job and almost became a victim of bullying. Early on I recognized the shark tank and left it. You have to know when you can't fight everything and everyone.

Today I am a freelancer but I would still advise everyone to work for a company at the beginning of their career and to earn their spurs as an employee or to want to take a lot of responsibility once their training is complete.
Having shared responsibility running a company with about eight employees I knew how a business has to be managed and what skills are required. Even as an employee myself I always was interested in the "behind the scenes" methods.

I talked to the accounting department and I got in touch with the management. Always has been that way. I never looked at my bosses as people who I thought were capable of all knowledge and leadership, and I took responsibility because when I saw and noticed that resources were wasted or processes could be simplified, I justified it, even though it had meant messing with a boss. In addition to defending my interests, my salary and my preferences, for example, I always enjoyed taking young people by my side. I was responsible for interns and volunteers and I was a reliable contact person for our customers. Because I did a good job, I could afford certain impertinences and stubbornness. I never accepted that I had to obey blindly.

One of my current clients and former boss, who I told in my trainee phase that I would not do a certain job because it would not fall into my training profile, was astonished and angry about my refusal. She said something like I "can't just refuse and that's what the hierarchy would dictate". I said I didn't see it that way. The funny thing is that my heart was beating like crazy and I knew she was sitting on the longer lever. Yet I expressed my displeasure. On the other hand, I also knew that she had engaged me precisely because of my interesting work experience and that I was valuable to her in many ways.

Another colleague of mine I wrote an email telling her that I will not take over what she would like me to work on and that she should do it herself in the future. We talked then personally and she said to my very surprise that she liked my courage to speak for me. We then became good colleagues.

Many of my work-related resistances I could have expressed even more politely and less defensive. But as I am still learning I don't punish myself for former stupidities any longer.

My overall message here is to stay your ground even if it means to lose a well-paid job. I can say that only because I never chained myself to an expensive way of living. I do not own a house nor a car, nor do I have any debts to pay for. Once you're on the depth row you cannot help it and have to stick with it as long as they are paid off. My son won't find himself all cared for once he becomes an adult and will have to seek ways in making a living on his own. I will support him with all what I've got but I will not roll up a red carpet for him. In fact, my brothers and my whole family always struggled with finances but that is what makes life exciting and not boring.

I would like to hear people leaving their comfort zones and seek some "dangers". Though I know I never risked my entire existence or even life as the system I live in provides for everything once the going gets tough. Even the imagination of me becoming sick and not being able to be the provider for my little cosmos is a scaring thought for I do really not wanting go back to rely on social welfare which I had to go for in the past for quite a while. I have learned a great lesson and it made me more humble and grateful for the support I received.

Being poor in my country means not to starve or live under a bridge. It merely means to withstand the shame and the looks of people who can make holidays two or three times a year and walk around with the newest technical devices and clothes. To NOT feel ashamed is the task.

Do you want to share a story of having found your ground? When and where have you not fallen for corruption?
I would like to invite you to tell it here in the comment section or write an article about and link it.

We all need to be told of stories of hope and bravery. Even of great anxiety and how you survived it or simply accept that things cannot always be changed or managed.

Feel free to share what you've got.

Many thanks for reading.

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I want to thank personally @sukhasanasister and @blankcanvas86 for being a great inspiration to me. I guess I will continue to leave my blog almost neglected and just write once in a while when I feel like wanting to. Sister, I even copied your style of using pictures:)

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^{Image by Aaron Burden from unsplash}