Finish The Story Contest - WEEK #30! - The source

in #finishthestory6 years ago (edited)

The Battle of Bloodneck Valley

by @dirge

Shog, called the Bonecrusher by his people, knew they’d lost when human horns roared across the battlefield. The Imperiate had come after all, to aid their elven allies of the Alish’tae Republic. Shog’s people, orcs of the Galak Tribe, so named after the mountain upon which they’d once lived, fought hard and well. But they fought alone.
Orcs no allies. Not even their Gods, the Old Ones, cared anymore.

As the morning sun crept above the clouds, illuminating the blood soaked fields, the Imperiate horsemen charged out from the forest. Muk’nola, matriarch of the Galaks, sounded her war horn, signalling the retreat. But it would be too late, Shog knew. Those horsemen would slaughter them as they fled. Their children, next.

An elf, empowered by the sense of looming victory, stormed forward from their line, straight towards Shog. He parried the elf’s longsword then heaved his mighty hammer, Breaker of Worlds, in a perfect arc. It smashed upon the elf’s helmeted skull, and he proved his namesake for the countless time. The elf’s head exploded in bone and carnage.

“Back!” he heard. “Fall back!” In disarray, the others around him fled towards Bloodneck Valley, where they’d encamped. Their position fell. Shog screamed to maintain the line but knew the day was lost. His people fled. He had no choice but to follow.

He reached the camp, already nearly moving again, fleeing up the valley to the highlands. Shog, exhausted, reached Zee-zee, his daughter, and Gheelah, his love. Gheelah had already packed their yurt and few remaining possessions. “Flee!” he shouted to her.

“And you?” Gheelah asked.

“I stay to hold them back.”

In typical orcish fashion, their utter devotion, love and mutual respect expressed itself only in their shared gaze, never in public, spoken word. He gripped her hand. He told Zee-zee to be strong. Gheelah nodded. Then the doy galloped away with the rest of the fleeing, broken host.

Muk-nola, matriarch, rallied the remaining Galak warriors. They reformed to a single line. Bloodneck Valley was narrow. Rocky. Layered with crimson colored clay. The land elevated as it led to the Highlands, their only advantage.

Maybe at the height of the tribe’s strength, before the humans had come with their purges and stolen their land, before the elves had arrived to ‘cleanse the world of evil’, maybe they would have been strong enough. But Shog saw they had a few hundred left. A few hundred to hold a line against an entire battalion of Imperiate horsemen and Alish’tae swordsmen, the latter no doubt already being reinforced.

The ‘Fair Folk’ would aim to eradicate the Galak now, as they fled.

Shog marched up to Muk-nola. She hailed him. “Yog-Sothoth burns in us,” she said.

“Yog-Sothoth hasn’t given a shit about us since Galak Mountain ceased its fire,” Shog replied.

Imperiate horns loomed. The sun flared, blinding Shog for a moment. Another disadvantage. The ground rumbled with the cavalry charge.

“Either way. I’ll crush his soul in hell. Right after I’m done with these Fair Folk.”


The source

Somehow else the all-devourer was about to enjoy this drama.

How much they drove away the divine long time! To devour everything was no fun if you did it alone. Where was the audience anyway? Where were the co-eaters? Whatever their nouns might be: Elves, Orks, Humans! They always had some names and strong symbols.

The devourer considered eating language.

What would the big game look like then, how would it taste?

But now: who would kill the most of them all? How it pleased him to taste the tragedy, the blood and the tears that his helpers would grant him.

The devourer – of course - waited for his adversary.

Meeting him in the intermediate dimension to manifest in matter. Oh, how the devourer was looking forward to those moments where he felt - felt almost like an organish - in flesh and blood. Not long and the other also came crawling out of the ether and formed a Gestalt before his eyes, which probably represented a Galak warrior.

From the silence of his thoughts, the copy of the Shog creature felt how unwilling he was to appear. Only a glimpse ago he had paid his respects to a Supernova and now he should let himself be drawn into this small war of the devourer, who once again hired himself out as a universal puppeteer.

What God's duty was given to him not to let the devourer make it easy? Part of him answered: "What are you? Are you flying outside the universe? Do you even know if there is a where? Don't you also appreciate the extraordinary amazement only when you feel compelled to turn to more petty things? Do not pretend that the devourer is not a delicious necessity in your sublime existence".
So he became the Shog.

The devourer watched with greedy interest. Then he decided to take the form of a human.
Both looked at each other with moist eyes.

Meanwhile, in her dimension, Muk-nola felt an inner shock far outside on her escape. She looked around, but there was nothing to see.

The human - to whom nothing unusual could be seen from the outside - stood there calmly. The Shogcopy surpassed him in size and wildness. One ear of the human, an atypical shape, looked elvishly boldly out from under the blond hair.

Silence reigned long and short between the devourer and his adversary.

Then their figures dissolved - bit by bit - into billions of vibrations, dispersed invisibly into the incipient wind, hurried down into the valley that stretched to the mountain where the fire of Galak had extinguished.

The storm had begun!

Now they were in competition: those gathered on the warfield were haunted. Feelings and stirrings.
The Fair Folk felt an inner hunger, tongues watered, stomachs growled, they gave their horses their spurs, some riders armed themselves against the emerging greeds, at odds with themselves and their intentions, eyes directed at own ranks, not recognizing faces of others in unsaturated existence.
Pity took possession of them.
Thought flashes of pregnant Orc women.

In the rows of the fleeing courage gathered, beyond hunger and thirst.
A strange agreement with transience slowed them down, made them faster. "Yog-Sothoth, Yog-Sothoth!"

Shog suddenly stopped to turn to an Elf who had taken his sights off him. "Fare well", he grimmed towards Gheelah and Zee-zee and swung the Breaker of Worlds.

The great feast on the stage of life took its course.

At the end was the beginning.
The figures, long changed, the symbols handed down over the millennia,
still for the pleasure and feeling of the devourer and the defender.

For a time-space there was peace.

At some not particular point - hider and seeker met and meet - every Thing was and is in order.


Another round of the finishthestory contest, held by @bananafish takes place.

Writers and readers, have fun and enjoy this weeks writings and comments!

Here, you go to read the rules and more from the @bananafish. Who also talks a little about "decentralization", which is for sure synchronicity as I myself just published about it the other day:)

Thanks for coming up with always great beginnings and inspire us doing our "endings".


1st Photo by John Fowler on Unsplash
2nd Photo by Billy Huynh on Unsplash


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What I like about this is the way you have taken folklore, which reaches back into the earliest stirrings of human imagination, and you have linked it to the future, to the most far-reaching speculations of science. I think, only someone who fluently uses their intuitive faculties could so seamlessly weave together the past and the future, the physical and the metaphysical. Nicely done.

Can I hire you as my critique-giver?
Ma sister in spirit: I thank you deeply.
Is there anything which I could have done better, though? I know, I will be hurt if yes, but I will take it nevertheless. :) BIG SMILE from me to you

I will read again later and apply a critical lens, as only a friend and admirer can do :)

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:) meanwhile I got hungry. Will have some food. The beast is on vacation with its father so I am having the fridge all under my possession.

I love it...Mom has time to herself, time to indulge in appetites, no matter how intemperate :)

damn right! LOL

You two are incredible.



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This post was submitted for curation by: @f3nix
This post was given a rating of: 0.9928511328496985
This post was voted: 82.64%

You're good at this kind of writing! I tried one with the humans/elf world, but think it mostly turned up human ;/
Loved this part: The Fair Folk felt an inner hunger, tongues watered, stomachs growled, they gave their horses their spurs, some riders armed themselves against the emerging greeds, at odds with themselves and their intentions, eyes directed at own ranks, not recognizing faces of others in unsaturated existence.

Kimberly! Good to see you. I was lazy ... not commenting your posts lately.
Thank you for giving me credit on this. I start to like it a lot. Since I am joining the writing contests and had to follow rules & stuff it got more interesting to write. That is quite fascinating & I like how easy the group behaves. So lovely to be a part of.

I remember your story and found it had its very unique "ugliness" - meaning that as a great compliment. As you transport me into the realm of sensory impressions many many times.

;-) If I would have to be asked which part of this you'd pick, I guess I would have quoted the same.

Hope, you are well.
Sincere greetings from all over the sea.

You took the first half of the story forward in a quantic leap. This interpretation underlies cosmic and ontological concepts, in a perpetual dance between the transcendent and the immanent.

Do not pretend that the devourer is not a delicious necessity in your sublime existence

Chaos, order, creation, annihilation in a never-ending symphony. A very deep contribution which seems to me like a rushing yet placid river with his maze of secondary channels - f3nix.

Thank you,
I am touched by the response, it means a lot. This contest of yours is such a good practice and challenge to the characters in the writer. Just today I told my man how nice the group is and that the limitation to 500 words, not slavishly followed but also not neglected, is one secret to become a better writer. You provide us with milage. I was silently observing many other writing contests but this one caught my attention (thanks to @agmoore) and first time I dared to step in.

What I have written recently was a consequence of the inspiration I felt through participating and also looking into other writers contributions and the comments.

In this piece I put a lot in and so your reply shows me that it reached you. Thanks for this fitting expression of the river. Leaves me happy that I see people being aligned with this philosophical approach.

I admit, I wasn't particularly fond of your ending at the first reading. I thought: "another beautifully written attempt to get around a story full of facts, without giving it a true conclusion".

But, after the passionate comments by @agmoore, I took a second read and I recognized the goal of giving a cosmic dimension to the story, bringing it to the level of a myth of cyclical palingenesis. I liked this interpretation much more!

I appreciate your honesty a lot. That happens to me, too. I read a story and think: Nah... that's not what I was expecting.

You make a good point in mentioning the comment section. The readers reaction and impressions can change the whole course of how one sees a story. If it encourages to read twice and to find something of value in it that is always a good thing.

Thank you for taking your time and a different approach. I put some heart feelings in it and at the moment I wrote, it was the whole world for me. Guess, that counts for all story tellers:)

The comments stole my words, yes all of them - even when they contradict each other they stole them all. Kickings aside, upvot'd and resteem'd.
Coolio.gif

Thieves! :)

I take it as you bring it to me.

Thank you, story lover!

Hmmm. You kind of got really deep there, I rather enjoy the cyclical nature of the cosmos. It's all on the wheel as it were, lol, I think I've read too much of the wheel of time series... Infinity, never ending, always beginning, requiring a balance of good and evil, not really good and evil, because that would depend on your perception. Maybe opposing forces would be a better term. Much like everything in the cosmos one force holding it together, while another force trys to pull it apart. There must be balance for anything to exist...

That's true, I got deep. From this ontological perspective, you are right, it's just a thing of balancing the opposing forces. Guess, there is not a thing in the universe which exists just so. Taking in time scales one cannot distinguish between bad and good as it's always having consequences when forces meet. Whereas one is presently really bad for the one form of existing entities it might be good for other existing entities. The human perspective transferred into godlike creatures gives it the emotional aspect.

Thanks for taking it into your form of reading and commenting here. Congrats to the curie vote:)

Thank you.
Tis my personal tendancy to break things down to the small parts, to the most basic concept.

At some not particular point - hider and seeker met and meet - every Thing was and is in order.

what about it? Do you have a notion on that? :)
Thank you for providing with the beginning of the story. It must be really interesting to follow all the different writings to see how ones own thoughts have been taking up or not.

I'm stating that I enjoyed this line, and was happy to read your take on the story.

:) yeah, I was just wanting another contact to you, so I asked. You wouldn't quote if you were hating it and nothing to add- lol

Love this. Thanks!

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