I Don't Want Ally Cookies
I am a cis man, and I am a feminist. But I don't consider myself a "male feminist," because, much like "nice guy," the term has come to be tainted. Welcome... to Feminism Sunday.
I'm not in this fight for equality for applause and ally cookies. I mean, ally cookies are delicious, obviously. But I don't want them.
Image credit: Alexas_Fotos on Pixabay
The bar set for men to receive praise for feminist statements is so incredibly low. If a man says "I believe women are people," he gets applause. Which... you know, it sometimes DOES need to be said. Far too many people (by which I mostly mean men) don't believe that. But it shouldn't be applauded. It should be obvious, base level stuff.
I am extremely aware of the problematic nature of my position here. I'm a man, in a platform that has many women, doing weekly posts on feminism. That's... problematic. If the landscape on Steemit was different, I wouldn't be doing this. It wasn't part of the plan.
The Bar is usually set lower than these guys. credit: wwe.com
But if you look at the #feminism hashtag here, you are likely to find new anti-feminist posts by men on the daily. I'm using my voice to counter that, while also resteeming women's posts and using my platform, such as it is, to elevate others. To my mind, that's the ethical choice. Your mileage may, of course, vary.
Live coverage of some of the stuff you'll find in #feminism
Image credit: Antranias on Pixabay
And there's another thing, which I know from long experience on Twitter: I can get away with saying stuff a woman would get lambasted and harassed for. I've seen it a million times. So while a part of me would like to say "judge my posts on feminism as if they were written by a woman," another part of me recoils from that idea in fear.
So I'm going to continue using my privilege in a way that, to me, seems ethical. And I hope to get praise when I deserve it, criticism when I deserve it, and as little trolling and harassment as possible.
Image credit: davidw on flickr CC BY 2.0
So, please, no ally cookies. If you want to send me ally Havanna alfajores, on the other hand... well, I'm only human!
Previous Feminism Sunday posts:
You Are Not An Alpha
Let's talk intersectionality
Ban Men
How to succeed with women (with Hamilton gifs)
Ya. Feminism shouldn't be necessary. It should be obvious.
I would like to add that many women during the Suffragist era opposed the right to vote. Many women in modern times - from Phyllis "Machine Gun" Schlafly to Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann have actively crusaded against their own self-interests.
I would only disagree about the specific use of "their own self-interest." I think they have built up their careers on trampling other women. Their own self-interest is well taken care of. They are Serena Joy from The Handmaid's Tale.
Yes. I meant to say it's a paradox, but couldn't think of how to articulate it. :P
I love the caution you take in weighing your privilege against your actions. Your self-awareness makes you someone I want to read more of.
Thank you so much. The feeling, as you know, is very much mutual.
Resteemed with pleasure! I am also a man who is a feminist and I completely agree that being so, and making statements that should be considered standard concepts about equality, don’t deserve much as far as praise. Yet in certain places or contexts, simple stating one is a feminist seems to deserve some praise for the backlash it knowingly inspires.
Great to have you on team girl power! lol Jokes aside, it is great to see a man backing us women up. There are a lot of disgusting things posted about women on the internet (I saw something here on Steemit earlier that made my blood boil) and it is flat out WRONG!!! I guess they don't look at it as if they are posting about their mothers/sisters/daughters etc. Anyway, great to see someone cheering us along! If you need backup, I am sure we can help you out ;)
Oh, I can take the heat. Because, as a cis man, I get so much less of it!
Anyone who uses the word 'cis' is a confirmed cuck. Playing the white knight for women won't get you laid buddy. It also further infantilizes women who are already infantalized by feminism. It teaches them that they are not accountable for their actions, while spreading lies about the so-called wage gap. There are NO rights a man has that a woman does not have. But I can easily list 5 rights that women have that a man does not. Stop being a pussy panderer.
Hi again. As I explained in my reply to you on another post, I am not into cuckolding or being a cuckold, although that is a legitimate kink I would not be ashamed of if I were.
Actually? In certain circles? It might. But the whole entire point of this post was that I am not looking for a reward.
Furthermore, I am in a wonderful 18 year relationship with a terrific woman.
And also? Most of these women live literally thousands of miles from me.
And also also? I'm asexual. I literally am not interested in getting laid with anyone.
And now, after posting this, I'm gonna mute you. Have fun shouting into the void, if you're into that sort of thing. Byeeeee!
Okay... so 18 years in a cuckhold relationship. Typical feminist doesn't address any of my points because he/she/zie/zir cannot.
I win. bye.
I was unaware that the feminist section on here was regularly getting bombarded with drivel, will find my Zen space before looking at what's going on
"nice post" ;)
Yeah... it is... NOT GOOD.
had a packed day , some stress and stuff and wasn't in the frame of mood/mind to get triggered on some stuff, already was dealing with some politics wrapped in a pretty package earlier
Very fair.
I want cookies O,o
I'm sorry. I told everyone not to give me any, and now I don't have any to give. This may have been a mistake.
You know it’s funny, I started reading this and my first impulse was “I’m going to make sure to say, thank you for identifying as a feminist in the comment below for sure!” but then I kept reading...
...to your point that we shouldn’t have to thank men or applaud them for being allies. Everyone should be a feminist. The “system” of sexism messes up the world for all of us in different ways -- and feminism is what frees men and women from the awkwardness and pain of living in a world where you can’t trust anyone until you get to know them.
I think it’s amazing that you’re writing about feminism. I wish more men did. Feminism is so often seen as women’s work. Women are the ones being oppressed...and then being asked to clean up the mess. I wish more men would chip in and help us break the cycle.
I've made it super tricky to get and receive praise for this piece, haven't I? But, yeah. We all need to work to make a difference, and men have an important supporting role in that.
Absolutely! I made sure to follow you, and I’m excited to keep checking out this Sunday series. See you around the steemosphere.
I always find it hillarious how women need male allies, yet in the same breath will say a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
I was literally thinking this the other day. I was thinking that FOR YOU its like oh wow he's really woke-- but for me its OH THERE SHE GOES AGAIN.
AND I think part of it is that you are a great writer and are able to be clear while still making an emotional connection.
I think though, that you putting this here, on Sundays helps me and other women in this weird semi-cool semi-woman hating but def anti-feminist landscape. It helps us in the way that I can trust that I won't be ONLY bombarded by hate and that there are men out there--- trying... learning.. reading.. supporting..
FOr me the bar is maybe low BUT EVEN AT THAT I GET SHIT FOR HAVING THAT BAR.
I only want to uplift men who are doing the same for me and other women on this platform. And thats not an easy task. Sometimes you have to fight and beg and cry.
NO ONE WANTS TO DO THAT.
No woman wants to do it because then they lose credibility on a platform where that credibility is easily tarnished and so follows the steem. Unless they are like Techslut and very good at fighting without showing any sign of desperation or fatigue. lol. But even she has her limits, I think.
But also no woman wants to do that because we all just wish it would go away and that we could pretend that everyone was fair and respectful and that we didn't have to worry about these things. We all have so much going on and we need support. Until the day comes that someone can give the feminist space some $$$ people won't be challenging the patriarchy tooo much. Frankly i get tired of it. But for me its everyday feminism . I wish it was only sundays. BUt nah, i get triggered constantly by microaggressions and other BS.
sigh
THe bar may be low but you are miles above the bar and a big breath of fresh fucking air.
eats my own cookies
Thank you so much for this. As a writer, and I've been writing for a long time, including stints at most of Israel's major media outlets, I strive for excellence. So, knowing how low the bar is set for men in feminism, some of the responses I've gotten have been difficult to parse. Is it because I'm good? Or is it because I'm a man, in an environment that isn't always hospitable to women, writing about feminism?
So the specific compliment about me writing is super appreciated.
Hi, we were debating vaccines on discord, I followed you and I wanted to post on this subject: https://steemit.com/gender/@alexdory/a-thought-on-gender-bias-and-complying-to-the-gender-biased-world
Maybe it interests you! Cheers and thanks for help @ vaccines :D
Of the two people other than me involved in that discussion, I'm certainly glad you're the one who showed up in my blog. Made a couple of comments on the linked post.
I believe the children are our future.