How I Could've Lost My Kids For No Good Reason
When @familyprotection made their intro post I commented a little about my experience with cps, and @canadiancoconut mentioned the idea of creating a post about this. So today I'm going to tell you the story of how I could've lost my kids when I invited social services into my life. Maybe through my experience you can gain some insight into how they work. 
Image source: Pixabay
My marriage was on the rocks for about a year before I left Jared and filed for divorce. Our arrangement before courts were involved was that he got the kids on the weekends. About a month after I filed, Jared started acting differently. He was obnoxious when I called to remind him that he needed to pick up the kids one Friday night. I had to work the next day and needed him to come and get the kids. He didn't come until Saturday night and I missed work. I thought I smelled alcohol on his breath when he dropped them back off and the friend he brought with him looked like he was high on something.
Around the same time I met Eugene. In our first conversation we were getting to know each other and he asks me, "Do you have any issues with dating someone who has female friends?" He went on to tell me that his best friend was a woman and she's a social worker. "But I don't like social workers" he adds. "Why is she your friend, then?" I ask. "Well, I tell her I don't like social workers." He laughed. "They have too much power." Hearing about my issues with Jared, he tells me I need to be more proactive, write everything down, maybe call a social worker. I was apprehensive about the last suggestion.
A week or so later, I was spending the night at Eugene's and I suddenly started getting messages about what Jared was doing from the neighborhood, and one of his friends. Suddenly all the information came in all at once on Facebook messenger. He was doing meth. He admitted to taking shrooms in front of the kids to one of our neighbors. He was letting them run around outside unsupervised. Basically, they weren't safe over there. I checked his Facebook page and he was posting continuously through the night, awake at 1, 3, 5 am with the kids there, partying all night. Here is one of the pics from when he first started, blatantly shared on Facebook at 3 in the morning, still looking pretty normal, before he lost weight and became emaciated. 
Eugene said, "Call a social worker." I was frozen. I sat there staring off into space for a while thinking about all the implications of what I had learned. He lightly touched my arm and repeated, "Sharee, you need to call a social worker." I stirred myself out of my trance. "...What if it backfires?" I asked. "I just have a feeling it's going to backfire." "Why would it backfire, they'll help you." He retorted.
So I called social services and the police department. They were already aware of Jared's activities. I went to pick up the kids with police in tow, the children smelled horrible, the house was an utter disaster, there was an overturned table lamp on the floor, not to mention several beer cans lying around here and there. But the smell...to this day I have no idea what it was.
The social worker came and visited at my mom's house where we were staying. She was friendly, yet no-nonsense and she questioned each of the children one by one. I printed out my conversations on messenger and showed them to her. One of my children told her that Jared "ran errands" once in the middle of the night and left them alone for hours! At the time they were 1,3,5,7, and 9!!! She called me later and told me that her and a detective went to speak with him and he was completely uncooperative. He wouldn't submit to a drug test and wouldn't allow them access into the house. She wrote up a CPS order and I signed it. Only supervised contact with Jared until further notice.
Fine! Good! They helped me protect my children right? Well the temporary hearing was about a week later and even though my lawyer told the court commissioner there was a CPS investigation, he granted Jared weekends!! The social worker was shocked at the judge's ruling and I suppose she felt the need to etch in stone her decision and bypass his ruling, and as you will see, their control over me tightened. 
Image source: Pinterest
The house was raided. They found paraphernalia and meth on one of the occupants, broken glass, needles in "sharps containers" used from old baby formula containers. He was arrested for maintaining a drug trafficking house. The social workers know about police raids several days in advance and she was present during the raid.
We had to take the kids to the clinic where each child had their hair sample and blood sample taken, to check for drugs in their system. It all came back clean (and Jared did say he kept his usage in the garage away from the kids.) They were stripped naked so the doctor could look for marks. Then the social worker and the Doctor took me into a room and questioned me. Is the three year old potty trained? (Yes, but she still wets the bed at night, so she gets a pull-up before bedtime). Why does the 3 year old wet the bed? (I mean really a three year old that wets the bed, unheard of.) The 5 year old has cavities. (Well, they are baby teeth. It's strange, my oldest has no cavities, they brush their teeth.) My nine year old has ticks (he was going through a lot at the time, they're gone now. He saw his doctor and the pediatrician said it was probably stress from everything that's happening) Jared said you had postpartum issues, (Well yes, that was over a year ago). What medications are you taking. Have you had problems with substance abuse in the past? (Well yes, I was in rehab for alcoholism 10 years ago, after I had kids I settled down and as a rule I don't keep hard liquor around) What is your sleeping arrangement at your mom's (We're on floors and couches at the moment, I'm waiting on section 8 to go through or for the court to award me the house.) Have you personally been abused when you were a child? (I don't know how this has anything to do with what we're talking about.) They also asked about my MTHFR deficiency and am I being treated for that. (Yes, when I found out, my psychiatrist prescribed Deplin.)
She called me a little while later and she said she was writing up conditions for me and Jared and there is a court date now and there will be a Chips (child in need of protection) order. She wanted to warn me ahead of time so I wouldn't be surprised in court. I asked her if I'm at risk of losing the kids. Her answer was, "Well, you're being cooperative."
Image source: Pinterest
So comes the court date. By that time we had moved from my mom's to a shelter. Good thing there was "adequate furniture" there... Some of the conditions: "must call within 3 days of losing a job, undergoing a change in a living situation, or a change of phone number. Must provide adequate furniture, must undergo an AODA and mental health assessment, must make and keep dental and routine doctor's appointments for the children, must maintain employment, anyone who lives with you needs to be pre-approved by the social worker." Yeah. Like a deer in the headlights, I agreed to the conditions...
I asked Eugene if his friend ever talked about me and he said she told him that I wasn't on the radar at all, but Jared was. If that was the case then why were all those conditions put upon me. Even the District Attorney told the shelter's legal advocate that I shouldn't have to adhere to such conditions. Juggling all these new appointments and a full time job, and childcare, was extremely stressful. Dental appointments for all 5 kids, mental health assessment, AODA assessment, upon her request, I started seeing a therapist. It's a wonder I wasn't fired for missing so much work!! I became that person at my job. I think they felt bad for me. Everyone seems to know everyone's business. One day a stranger came up to me at work and said, "Just hang in there. I know you're going through a lot! I know all your neighbors." Interesting how people network, eh?
Luckily I got a new social worker. She relaxed the conditions and even gave me $100 worth of goodwill vouchers when I needed household items upon moving back in the house. She had a three year old herself and totally understood the bed wetting thing. Eventually our family was miraculously restored and she dropped the case. Here are the kids on Halloween! <3 
Things could've gone a lot differently though. Social workers are arbitrary. Eugene told me of how his friend gave one drug addled mother another chance simply because she liked her. It made me so mad to hear that their "justice" is biased depending on how they feel. Also anything you say will be used against you as you could see with what happened when I was honest. Another tidbit of information: they know each other's cases as different ones are on call on the weekends.
Either way, that is a time of my life I would never want to revisit again. Thinking back, I could've just kept the kids and refused to give them to Jared and let his actions speak for themselves. Let the truth come out by itself. Bit my tongue upon being questioned. The sad but true reality is that if I hadn't bent over backwards to please them, I could've had them taken away. Even though I was the one who foolishly made first contact!! Let this be a warning to anyone who thinks it could never happen to them.
If you want to learn more about my story, read this! :) https://steemit.com/family/@snowpea/wedding-day
And this!
https://steemit.com/gratefulvibes/@snowpea/what-i-m-thankful-for-gratefulvibes-challenge
Love, snowpea ❤😘🙂🌸
Thank you for sharing this with us,
This is a very valuable insight, through your experience, of how the CPS operate.
It must have been a difficult situation for you, the behavior of Jered needed resolving and it must have felt like you were doing the right thing.
That's the beauty of @familyprotection, people get to know about real life CPS scenarios and maybe it will make them think before running to these so called protectors.
I think you did very well complying to all their ridiculous demands and I am very happy you finally got to deal with someone who had a heart and relaxed the conditions.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I want people to know that there are other ways to solve these kind of problems. I was apprehensive, but I did feel as if I ultimately decided in the children's best interest at the time. Looking back, I would've done a lot of things differently, and only by some miracle and the sheer luck of not getting the average social worker have I dodged their bullet. Too often it's a bad ending.
Well, you are indeed lucky, it could have gone so much worst. But thank God your kids were safe at last and you dodged the bullet.
That is their fishy comment when they want to load you with so much "services provided by CPS"(conditions).
@snowpea, I am happy you have your kids!
That's how they worded it too!! I'm here to provide you with services. They don't go on to say, "Services that you have to accept or else."
Yeah, if you sign you are in trouble, if you don't sign, they still use it against you in court. Well, generally, sign nothing without your Counsel being present. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
You're welcome! And thanks for reading it!! :)
Based on what you wrote, 35% of what CPS is doing is right, and maybe 65% is a little over and above what is necessary.
While you do your research, the first thing I'd look is to find out who regulates, observes, and can contradict cps policies. Is it only the courts, or is there a different government organization (almost like how police have internal affairs) to hear your complaints and see if some calming down of the system can work in your favor?
It's apparent that you're on the right track and everything you do is for the safety and benefit of your kids. I don't see that you're doing anything different than any other parent out there.
Understand though, there is a conflict of interest when it comes to CPS. These workers need to constantly find problems in order to secure their jobs. That's when they, themselves, can abuse the money given to the system and that's why CPS should be checked and monitored.
Otherwise they just end up spending tax payer dollars, and disrupting families at the cost of ensuring their own job security.
Assuming that those numbers are approximately correct,
the 35% of children that are in a bad home,
are more often than not placed in an even worse situation in their foster homes, usually unloved and too often abused, even sexually abused.
So Social Services / CPS has to clean up their act in 2 ways:
Actually, as Mark Whittam has pointed out a few times,
every effort should be taken to place the children with family members (other than the parents) instead of with strangers. At least they would still be with family that way, and with someone who should love them.
thank you @canadian-coconut, You are on point and correct!.
if we should even assume its just "65%" caseworkers/cps indulge in an overly unnecessary things, that huge percentage would transcend to many many Thousands of children removed due to "unnecessary" involvement on family. Remember, when "unnecessary" is in place, abuse and corruption becomes inevitable on their part. Children should be with loved ones if the need ever arises for them to be temporarily/permanently placed.
@intelliguy, your observation on their "job security" is is cutting edge accurate!, things might have been better if the fundings were provided without using the "per child" metrics!. Then caseworkers can maybe settle down and "protect" as they "assumed" to. But No!, they had to use a flawed metrics!
Indeed .. I agree.
The sexual abuse needs to be kept to a minimum
I read this and said "oh boy, I think I may know where this is going." I'm glad in the end things worked out, but what a story. When the social worker would not answer your question if you were at risk of loosing your children, that's when you know. They are not impartial or unbiased. They form opinions and use (abuse) their power to enforce their opinions.
It always weirds me out how the system seems to confiscates children the very second they get involved, even while they remain in the care of the parent(s). They behave as if they already have full "super-parential" rights over them. They behave as if the children are ultimately theirs. Sickening.
I'm grateful for #familyprotection for excellent advise and informative stories like this one. Thank you @snowpea for sharing this with us.
@ironshield
My daughter in law told her doctor she was having a bit of baby blues about a week after giving birth to twins. He sent her to a shrink. He wanted her on antidepressants. She refused, she was nursing.
G
Frantic call in the middle of the night, cops at their house demanding to see the kids. My son would not let them in. We hid the mother and babies for a week or so until we had a "hearing" where my husband and I, both medical professionals, explained how we would be suing for the distress they were causing the new mother, among other very serious PROMISES to those bastards.
Not one fucking INCH, you cannot give them ONE FUCKING INCH. They are a MAJOR source of prey for pedophile predators.
Glad you were able to save your kids.
I LOVE your actions. And to hear this coming from medical professionals means a lot to me. Loads of medical professionals will just go along with their crap. I've been through a similar ordeal as your son and daughter in law and I wish I would have had someone like you in my corner then. My son was less than one week old, and the stress it gave me almost made me quit breastfeeding. So they're so 'concerned' about kids that they do everything to do them harm....Thank you for sharing and standing behind your son/daughter in law. Much respect for you.
Very true. I've heard too many similar stories like this. Don't give an inch.
You seemed to know exactly what to do. Yeah I let them walk all over me. Perhaps I could've handled it differently. Both your daughter-in-law and I ended up being able to keep our kids, but does the end justify the means in my case? I really don't know. Who knows what would've happened for me if I took a hard stance with them, especially considering I contacted them for help at the time. For me it was between breaking the law and not allowing him to see the kids, or get a third party involved...I feel I was between a rock and a hard place, but looking back I should've had more of a backbone with Jared and come what may. He was on drugs and it was no secret, and I certainly wouldn't have been arrested or anything for protecting my kids without cps involvement. Thanks for reading!!
You handled it PERFECTLY. How can you tell? Your kids are with their lovin' momma.
I'm so glad to hear they weren't able to take your kids. I know from experience that it all depends on who you get. If they like you you're lucky, if they don't like you, you're damned...Thank you so much for sharing your story and raising awareness. Upvoted, followed and resteemed.
Thank you so much!!! So true, it all depends on how they feel about you.
There are a few people here who know exactly what you went through. I for one, still am at the moment. There hasn't been much direct interference, but I can feel it with a lot of things that they are in the background. It's a terrible feeling and give unnecessary stress that the parents, and definitely the children, don't need and something that could even cause damage. They KNOW this. They are not in the line of business they are in to help people (few of them are anyway) and some (as I've noticed) don't even like children! So you can't help but wonder why then? The things that come out of the woodwork when you dig deeper are worse than most people would ever expect. And that is why they get away with what they do: because people have no idea. So fair play to you for sharing your story. We're one step closer to the truth...
I know, just knowing they are watching is nerve-wracking. I'm sure if they saw my post, they would be utterly offended, and I could be in trouble all over again. But so be it.
Well, it's probably a good thing that it will most likely be a long long time before such people discover Steemit, and even then: it will be hard to 'find' you if they wanted. But that would go beyond their job description and if it means they'd have to spend their own time on it, I'd say they leave it. On the other hand, maybe it would be a good thing for some of them to read the stories people tell here, so they can see the other side of the story.
That's one hell of a crazy story. I'm glad it ended well.
So glad that this turned out well in the end. So many times you hear stories like this with a CPS person with a power trip and it doesn't go so well. Your kids are super cute. :) I also have heard that if you let them into your house, that's the first mistake. I had a friend who was investigated twice by CPS being called by the school and she told me how nice they were and how they just let her talk. I'm thinking, "Are you insane???" I just don't trust them and never have. Never. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story.
That's why I want to warn people and tell people my story and my mistakes. ANYONE IN A SIMILAR SITUATION, DON'T TRUST THEM. Unless you are perfect they will find something on you. They have a way of seeming concerned, like a counselor, but from my experience, they are only gathering information to hang you on.
Uh, so crazy and sad that there are people like that out there. They act like your friend to learn more about you and then use it against you. Sad, just plain sad. I'm glad I have read more of your story this evening. It's amazing how God can change hearts and lives.
That's insane that they questioned your parenting abilities based on how long it took for your kid to toilet train. My kiddo wasn't fully trained until he was four. I finally told him he had to change his diaper if he was so determined to wear one. He changed it once (with poop... and lots of oversite and help from me), then no more diapers. Kids develop at their own pace. My parents got lucky, and I thought diapers were gross. So, I potty trained around one year old (I also had older friends which helped). My brother raised in the same household a couple years after me, was more like my son. He wasn't trained for the toilet until around four. Kids do things in their own time. I'm SO sorry you went through this. Best wishes to you and your kids!
The potty training issue was absolutely preposterous. She was really reaching with that one. That and the "adequate furniture." I was struggling at the time and if my kids didn't have beds she may find me in contempt?? By the time the chips order went through I was in a shelter with a bed for each child but what if I was still at my mom's? I can guarantee there are plenty of children in the world who have loving parents but they may sleep on blankets or couches. Is this really a basis to take them away from their parents?? Completely insane.
For every one child CPS actually saves from an abusive household 9 children are arbitrarily taken from a loving household. At the end if the day I see at least 2 issues at play:
1- social justice warriors looking to save he world one child at a time, but really what they are doing is thriving on the drama and god-complex they undoubtedly have because of some childhood trauma they themselves received. They want meaning from their own trauma and they like controlling others, it gives them purpose. Unfortunately, many who go into the Social Science exhibit these two traits and there for there is a predominance of them in CPS.
2- money. Simply put. The social workers, judges, foster care, etc all make money from children becoming wards of the state. It's another way to make money off the backs of tax payers. They might mean well, but at the end of the day, if Uncle Sam wasn't paying their bills they would quickly find another line of work where they could create drama and control.
When my very good friend in my town had Social Services after her,
the Social Worker even admitted to my friend that her own children had been put into foster care!
Plus the woman showed obvious signs of using hard drugs (another friend of mine confirmed this.)
In other words, many of the Social Workers that they hire are extremely MESSED UP themselves!
And these are the people who are supposed to be determining if we are good parents or not?!
That's insane! How could someone be allowed to continue on if their own children have been taken away!? There is a rumor about a social worker here in our town who sleeps around and has a bunch of STD's. My husband's friend in high school sat down in the basement smoking weed all the time and his mom was a social worker!
On top of that there are so many truly abusive or severely drugged out parents out there who get completely overlooked while loving families are broken up. It's all screwed up.
Wow, that's extreme. How can these people even do the work I wonder? I had one that told me that she was now living on her own when not long before she told me that she had 4 kids...Which means that she moved out and her kids were with the dad...that should tell ya enough.
I've sent @snowpea a comment on her blog that I hope you'd see about CPS regarding your comment:
So true. The social worker I've been dealing with the last few months told my daughter that she trained as a hair dresser. Her friend then told her that they were looking for social workers at her job and that the pay was good...that's why she is a social worker..for the money. She should have stuck with hairdressing...
Thank you for your comment, you seem very knowledgeable about this subject. They want to save the world or at least start out that way, but I think often the power goes to their heads or they get jaded. My second social worker was very young and believed in building relationships with the parents. She was chastised for it at one of their meetings. Perhaps it's only a matter of time before she changes too...
Thank you so much for your insight and bravery to share your story with us @snowpea. I’m really sorry your kids had to experience some terrible things that their dad was involved in. My heart is overjoyed knowing they were not harmed and not introduced to any drugs. I can’t imagine how hard that was for you learning of these things from Facebook and from other people. I’m so glad you and your children are safe and they are with you. You have such cutie pie children!
I hope you NEVER have to experience anything like this again and I hope social services stay far away from your family. Thank you for raising awareness and warning others that they are NOT our friends and they will NOT help us in any kind of way. Many Blessings to you~ 😊❤️ Resteeming your story!
Thank you so much!! :) I think they're cutie pies too, but of course I'm totally bias haha!! Yes, getting all those messages all in one night like that was awful! The whole experience was awful actually! I'm blessed though and stronger for going through it. There is a reason for everything!! :)
You are very welcome. 😊 It’s okay to be bias because I think my kids are cuties too lol! I’m glad this experience made you stronger and definitely more knowledgeable in these situations now. God Bless you~
You as well. 😊