Memoirs: Visit home or How Molly changed my life
I remember the beginning of the end for my career in life insurance. It started innocuously enough and spiraled wildly out of control and into one of those events that shapes your life.
"You're one decision away from a completely different life." For me that decision was to visit home for the weeknd. TO set the stage that was my first time taking more than a day in a row off since I'd been in Spokane. I even scheduled appointments in Moses Lake on the way back home. I was working like a dog and I had money on my mind.
I was hoping to land a big sale on the way back home but I wasn't able to close anyone. Some will, some won't, move on. I did stop at my favorite place to eat in Ellensburg, The Kebab house, drowning my sorrows in Persian Tea and Baklava.
I had been working so much that I hardly had the energy to think even when I was alone. It was a strange experience to have so much time alone on the drive home. It hit me like the silence of the night hits you when you step outside of a loud party. I listened to music most of the way back to distract myself.
It was great to finally visit home, it had been three months of too much work and too few phone calls home. I finally felt free and I was scared to lose that. I'm terrible at staying in touch with the people I care about. In fact the closer I am to someone, the more distant I tend to be when I am away. I have always had a hunger for adventure and novelty, I pay the price for this in the way that I sometimes fail to be in touch with the people that truly matter. The best one is the next one is not necessarily a great way of being.
I really enjoyed being home but my family was concerned that I had changed, I thought it was for the better and they just knew I was different. My time home flew by and soon I was pulling out of that old familiar driveway, waving goodbye to everyone as they sat outside for a barbecue. As I was leaving I remembered I had to send in some numbers for work. This was the perfect excuse to visit my favorite coffee shop, Bigfoot Java, nestled among the little shops in Sunrise Village. I walked in, got the 16 oz green tea I always do, and spread my paperwork around a tiny table in a line of them.
It was then that I became conscious of a beautiful woman who had headphones on and was obviously absorbed in her work. Perfect. "Hi, how are you?" I interrupted with. She responded incredibly warmly and I was almost taken aback. Molly is her name. We ended up embarking on a conversational journey that spanned many topics both fun and deep. She tolerated my terrible sense of humor and I appreciated her thought provoking insights. "What do you love doing?" She asked me, "Teaching, speaking, and writing" I said without hesitation. "What are you doing right now?" "Selling life insurance." As these words left my lips I felt a bomb go off in my mind. I began to wonder how far I had wandered from who I am. We spoke further about life, she was here from Wisconsin, pursuing her writing and music, as well as just being a generally wonderful addition to the Pacific Northwest. You can tell Molly good day or your deepest darkest secret with the same ease, she just makes it feel like it's okay to be real. With all the awful stuff I said about myself, I never felt judged. Just heard.
She began, "You're the sort of person who could do anything you want, you're very smart and hard working," I braced myself, "but if you do anything less than you're purpose you'll never be fully satisfied, and I wouldn't want it any other way for you." The last bomb that went off felt like a pop rock compared to this one. The fog in my mind had cleared, I was myself once more and I knew what I needed to do. "You know what this means right?" I started, "I have to quite my job as a life insurance agent."
And so began the festival of dread dancing through my mind, roller coasters filled with disappointed faces of the people who's opinions I was living for were doing cork screws and loops through my mind, except it was my stomach dropping. I said I would probably transition out of life insurance in a few months.
We ended up talking until 2 in the morning, I had to be in Spokane at 8 am. Oops. Worth it. So we said goodbye and I hit the road, the real me once more. Whirlwinds of ambiguity swirled my nervous mind as I flew down the road at 84 mph, I happen to know exactly how fast I was going because the Kittitas County Police Officer was sure to let me know that as he wrote me my one and only ticket, $156. As I drove away I rounded a bend and crested a hill on I-90 to be faced with the most radiant sunrise I have ever witnessed. Flaming streaks of light pierced my dreary eyes and I called my mom to tell her I would be quitting my job as a life insurance agent, today.
Yep, today. I cut my time line down from months to hours. She wasn't upset or even all that surprised, she was just Mom. While from all outside analysis this wasn't a wise decision, from my own perspective, it also wasn't a wise decision. But it was the right one and I would just have to deal with the consequences of being entirely myself.
I drove into the office and found Tim and Brandon, I was hoping to not to cry but as the saying goes, do you know the best way to make god laugh? Make a plan. So I teared up as I explained everything to them. I was broken by the thought of disappointing them, and Tim said, "The only thing that would disappoint us is if you didn't keep in touch." That's what it means to be loved I think.
So I figured out which loose ends I needed to tie up and headed home to sleep. I walked into the house and found Randy, standing in the living room, holding the last box of his things.
Hello Steemit! My name is Jonathan Turnick
I am a writer and poet based in the Pacific Northwest of the United States
This is the place to access all of my work, I post my latest and greatest here first! I love sharing with the vibrant community here!
Here is a picture so you can put a face to the name, don't judge my highly contrived selfie too much!
Aother adventure!
Indeed! I couldn't stand to do anything less. I have had to learn that sometimes it is a season of life and to explore the parts of ourselves that we fear to enter. All the best!